


Hold me longer

by MaybeoneNight



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Family, Family Feels, M/M, Romance, Self-Discovery, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2019-10-20 17:03:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 82,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17626175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaybeoneNight/pseuds/MaybeoneNight
Summary: A story in which Leonardo discovers the complexity about himself and understands the importance of his feelings through the brother he would never ever imagined to get as far as it happened. So many new overwhelming discoveries the fearless leader needs to face.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyooooo, after finishing Mikey's first time and waiting for final reactions, also waiting whether you guys want to see that story from other brother's perspective, I started a Leo/Raph story <3 I read and saw so many amazing fanfics and comics by various creators about how Raphael and Leonardo end up as a couple, I thought to try my best and add a similar story too to the collection. This pairing is just amazing and this fanfic is fun to write! Hope you'll enjoy it too!~

Leonardo, the Fearless Leader, Leonardo the Big Brother, Leonardo, the One with responsibilities. Since being young, he was that one turtle among his brothers, who was the silent one, the intuitive, the serious one, who took responsibilities very seriously. His family was always way more important, than himself. His family, his brothers and being a ninja was always high priority, but who was he beside that charismatic leader. The Fearless leader. Sounded nauseously perfect. So perfect. He could never allow any mistake. Throughout the years he got so stuck with this superficial image, that he was afraid of any other feelings and thoughts he ever had and pushed them deep back inside. He always analyzed what issues and responsibilities needed to be done, how to lead his brothers, what opinions and advice to give them. He wanted to be the perfect leader and brother for them, he wanted to make their father and master proud. However, he never realized how underdeveloped he actually was. His personality was not a whole, he never discovered himself as just a mutant or just a teenager, nor that he was indeed and truly a male creature. A boy. A guy and soon to be a man…in a masculine sense.

He could never imagine anyone else beside his family. He was never fantasizing about girls, like Mikey, nor possible careers, like Don or just simply being okay with himself as just-the-Leo he was. His strict behavior sometimes tired out his brothers, and even annoyed them. While being teenagers, he still sometimes goofed around and even knew how to smile and laugh, but those goofing around were starting to get more and more rigid, feeling so two-faced, so fake and that just made Leo sink more and more inside, feeling more and more empty. He was afraid to care about the changes, the negative changes, no one ever asked him if he was okay anyways. Sometimes their father voiced his worry towards his well-being, but Leonardo always brushed it off with a simple “I’m fine.”

He wanted to be a better leader, he wanted to protect his family and lead his brothers as safely as possible. Being a good leader, he knew he couldn’t let his emotions lead him. Just looking at Raphael and his emotional outbursts just made him remind himself not to be like that. He envied Donatello. He had such a great personality. He was so calm and fun at the same time, and nice. He wanted to look like someone kind and nice too, but instead he ended up being rigid and too serious. But he was afraid to change that. He didn’t know how to change that.

His inner turmoil got even worse, when one day a thought hit him and stuck in his mind.

 

It happened during a training session. One afternoon, after Leonardo did their daily routine, led them through, made sure there’s no sign of any enemies, there’s no threat that they need to interfere in, in New York, asked for the news and reports from Donnie, take every effort to look through everything, made sure April was alright and then took his brothers one by one, without them noticing they were interrogated. It always bothered Raphael and it felt like they were distancing more and more. Leonardo needed to put extra effort to keep in touch with his larger brother, communications between them were always way too awkward. Leonardo tried to avoid communicating with Raphael as much as possible, when it was just the two of them, he had no idea how to even talk to him. So they ended up chatting about happenings around the lair, Raph complaining about Mikey or Leo and then there it was. Chatting about “boy” stuffs. Cars, Raphael enjoyed chatting about vehicles, especially bikes. However, Leonardo couldn’t hold up even such pleasant and insignificant chats with his brother either, since Raph was transmitting so much passion, anger and other emotions in such and intense way, that made Leonardo incredibly overwhelmed or uncomfortable. It just frustrated him all in all. He observed sometimes chats between his brothers if it’s only him that feels so frustrated by Raphael or others too. Mikey actually enjoyed being around Raphael a lot, they goofed around a lot, it was just…..adorable? Raphael seemed to be the inspiring bigger brother for Mikey and that made Leo even more frustrated; or that musclehead could even hold up a conversation with Donatello with passion and curiosity, whenever he was talking to Leo it was more likely a tiring feeling of a never ending competition and anger.

However, as Leonardo was observing interaction between his brothers, more like Mikey and Don with Raphael, he was actually getting inspired and having thoughts like ….Don, Mikey and Raph were talking about music the moment before, sharing their favourite genres, Leo realized how little time he spent listening to music, yet he enjoyed it as much as his brothers, he even enjoyed dancing around sometimes, and then he started wondering what kind of genre he might like. But then he restraining panic came and he just shooed away those indulging thoughts, focusing back on his responsibilities. Every time it happened, he just brushed them away fast, holding back that pleasant outbursting feeling, that he was keeping inside for so long. They were still young, but they were starting to grow nonetheless, not just physically, but mentally too. Leonardo was ignoring more and more about himself and being totally oblivious about natural happenings, focusing only on his duties, meanwhile his brothers just discovered themselves. Since he never engaged in such conversations, his brothers seemed like feeling awkward bringing up any chit-chat around him and he was left alone with his thoughts, never being able to share any of them with anyone. He was also too embarrassed to speak to his father about his silly little issues, brought up only mature things or ninjutsu things.

It was just that moment, just right there on that day, on that training session, when he couldn’t take off his gaze off of Raphael’s body. Raphael was fooling around and flexing his muscular arms and doing that –in Leo’s eyes- suspicious smirk, while Mikey was laughing an suggesting something about Raphael’s intimidating manliness being adored by ladies, corrected right after, that how Mikey would win anyways. They were surely competing about who was manlier. The rush of thoughts striked in Leo, starting from the fact that he panicked how they were growing, to how they were indeed all boys and that meant something beside being mutants and turtles, and then…..Raphael was hot. Raphael was just…..hot like that and very masculine. The way he smiked, the was he moved that big well toned body of his… In that moment it felt like something cracked and exploded in Leonardo. Panic was rushing through him, when Donatello noticed he was staring and even alerted the others. Leonardo froze, felt like strange and incredible heat running through him, he was at a loss, like never before. The fearless leader who always kept his composure was now falling apart, being defeated by confusion and embarrassment.

“What. What ya starin’ at?” Raphael grunted, lowering his arms and his smile, his tone was hostile.

“I uh……” Leonardo tried to desperately find the right words, avoiding to look at Raphael again.

A moment of silence, the other parties expecting an answer, which Leonardo did not have. That moment felt like hours, Leonardo felt like fleeing from the situation and lock himself in his room and meditate until he regained himself and tomorrow act like nothing happened.

“I guess we should focus on the training, guys.” Donatello finally saved Leonardo.

This was an amazing save, Leonardo would just fall on his knees and praise Donatello for averting any suspicions and the whole situation seeming like Leonardo, the fearless and "oh-so-patient leader" was patiently waiting for them to stop their stupid foolery and finally focus again.

“Yes.” Leonardo confirmed, swallowing back all those insecurities and panic and confusion and that locked up, ready to be outbursted taboo indulgence.

Leonardo was focusing on training more than ever, however he could not help, but be more aware of Raphael’s presence in the dojo. He felt too close, too big, too….much.

Too hot…

Too manly…

Too…

                He started to be more aware of Raph’s scent lingering around, his breathing, his mass weighting on his feet with every heavy thomping as he jumped and stepped.

                “We are done for today, thank you for your dedication for the martial arts.” Leo bowed formally.

                He was just as glad he could close the training session as Mikey.

                “Fiiinallyyyy! Pizza’s mine!” Mikey stretched, then waved at the others to walk off, Leo nodded at them and then also tried to rush out of the dojo unnoticed before anyone else. He so needed a meditation right now.

                “No way, spare me at least a damn slice!” Leonardo heard Raphael complaining behind him.

                “Well, don’t want to be rude, but I guess you should have a strict diet, dude, you’re starting to become waaaaay too fat if you’re asking me. Like….a non-pizza diet?” Mikey answered, but he could barely hold back his laughter as he was clearly roasting Raphael. In no time they started running, Mikey for his life and Raphael to kill him.

                “Shit…” Leo grumbled, as he was about to leave, but then Mikey rushed out so roughly he accidentally crashed with Leo who got slammed to the side of the door.

                “Sorry, bro, emergency going on here!”

                Leo sighed, but as he adjusted his composure to walk normally, but a way bigger body smashed and squished him to the side of the door, they got stuck for a moment.

                “Get out of the way, Leo!” Raphael shouted impatiently.

                “Can’t you just let one pass normally and make way?!”

                “Come on, man, you let Mikey escape!”

                “Haha, Leo always knows which side is the best side to be on!”

                “SHUDDUP, MIKEY!”

                “Ugh…” Leo growled, as he squished himself away from the door and Raph’s sweaty body. And glared after him as he was chasing Mikey further, completely ignoring Leo.

                “Are you okay?” Donatello asked calmly with a smile.

                “Yeah.” Leonardo grumbled on a moody tone, absent-mindedly smelled his arm where Raphael brushed to him and made a grimace, wondering that they needed stronger bathing soaps now, as they seemed to get to that period of being teenagers….and boys…and mutants...

                Donatello chuckled and Leonardo realized what he was doing, so he quickly tensed up, acting as if nothing happened.

                “So……whatcha up to for…uh…tonight?” Leonardo asked, placing his hands on his hips and squirming in place as he tried his best to reclaim his rigid composure.

                “Yeah, I know right, we need better hygiene to keep up, it seems hormones are kicking in, ey?” Donatello didn’t let this slip, no matter how Leonardo was ignoring the subject.

                “Mhm. Will think about that later, I have more important things to do…” Leo replied as he tried to be as ignorant and distanced about the subject as possible.

                “Yeah, like what?” Donatello asked curiously, as he adjusted his glasses, still trying to read Leonardo’s expression.

                “…Stuffs…” Leonardo shrugged, still avoiding to look at Donatello.

                “Yeah, okay, sorry for questioning you, our mighty, fearless leader.” Don said, then walked off.

                Now that hit Leo hard. Even if Donatello didn’t mean it like that, it felt like a mocking for him and that hit hard. It sounded like when Raphael was mocking him for "thinking so high" about himself. He never knew that he sounded so egoistic, so strong and so confident. It felt like he was terribly misunderstood. He indeed achieved who he needed to be, reflecting that perfect image constantly, but at the same time something was lost and that was building up the inner turmoil again and again. He went in his room feeling dizzy from all the new frustrations, built up tension. He needed to meditate on the new ways of interpretations in his head. He called everything new- that wasn’t contructive for the perfect image- a weaknesses and tried to get rid of them as soon as possible, however even if he sat down to relax and meditate, all he could think of was the lingering smell of Raphael and his body and his little chat with Don.

                He got tired and instead went to force himself to sleep, hoping all this will make him suffer throughout the restless night, but then all heal and disappear on the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaahhh! I guess I'm doing better with the posting delays, I mean.....nit delaying like 1000 years :)) Here's chapter 2! Uuuhhhh, let's see what happens~ PS sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, I'll correct them later!

Leonardo was always the first one to wake up-except when Donatello didn't even go to bed on the first place, but Leonardo started to pay attention and scold the genius whenever he caught his brother. The number one priority for Leonardo was to be the first one to get his morning routine done, thanked to Donatello, be the one who checks each of them every morning at 5 AM, be the first one who makes tea and bring it to his father's room, be the one who makes a clean plan for the day and be the one who thinks through and leads the daily trainings or plan "chore days" with ABC plans, althought it is not his task to do. Sometimes, after he warmed up for training or finished meditating in time, he would even go and see if he could prepare some breakfast or lunch for the entire family. Before he was officially entitled as a leader, he already felt the obligation to practice his culinary skills in secret, so when he faced the family, he "magically" could offer a delicious meal. At first it started as a hobby. Something fun, but did not share it with anybody, since he did not want to hear any reactions, because he wanted to make everyone surprised. Then as he grew, it wasn't fooling around anymore. It became a MUST, something that brought him a little personal joy became a strict task, a rigid goal to achieve perfection, to ensure and proove that he was as thoroughly responsible as he must be. He actually learned things like proper sushi or chili con carne from culinary books. Obviously the smells eventually betrayed him and his family started to realize, but nobody said a thing, as if they understood that Leonardo doesn't want any questions about it. He ignored Michelangelo's attempts when he dared asking too many questions, but Leonardo ignored him with an emotionless expression just as if he was just as clueless as Mikey.

 This morning was nothing more than any other. At least so he kept telling to himself. He woke up, dressed up, exercised, brushed his teeth, went to the kitchen to see if he needed to call April for groceries later, planned breakfast. All this time he tried to ignore as much as he could the reoccuring thoughts in his mind about Raphael, about himself as a male mutant who was changing for confusing reasons. Or maybe it wasn't confusing, Donatello said something about hormones. Yes, the hormones are to be blamed, but he will battle with those stupid hormones and stay the Leonardo, the perfect leader and perfect big brother that he supposed to be. Leonardo sighed and decided, he cannot allow any of these thoughts any further, although just recently appeared in his mind, even that, he decided that he will give no place for these thoughts. It is wrong to feel exploratory, it is wrong to have exciting thoughts about himself as a growing "dude", and most importantly, it is damn wrong to think about Raphael's body, or think too much about Raphael in general! Raph was his brother, the second eldest one. A brother. Brothers don't think about each other on such a curious was as Leonardo started to feel about Raph recently.

"Ugh." Leo shook his head frustrated, trying to finally block the flow of his thoughs.

There he was again, thinking about the frustrating situation, although he just convinced himself not to. His mind disobeying him making him annoyed. He needed to meditate before he wakes his brothers up, but even before that, he needed to do his morning patrol. Finally something else to occupy his mind. Closed out all his personal thoughts and rather focused back on his responsibilities. He was so deep in his thoughts he didn't even notice he already prepared the tea for his father. Since he had it, he decided to check up on him first. His father was still sleeping and the tea was burning hot, so Leonardo could be assured by the time the sensei wakes up, the tea will be moderately warm and drinkable. He nodded to himself pleased, then went to check up on Mikey. Mikey was the easiest, he always slept and he always slept well....so well Leonardo could move him around and the smaller one did not even wake up the slightest. Leonardo carefully opened the door, then smiled, tiptoed in to adjust Michelangelo, who was snoring peacefully and sometimes mumbling something in his sleep, but he was upside down, so Leonardo went and gently grabbed him from the shoulders and pulled him back up on the bed. As Mikey's head hit the soft pillow, a smile rose on his sleepy face and sighed pleased, Leonardo barely could hold himself back not to laugh at that goofy smile. He covered Mikey with a blanket. Two down. Two more to go.

Next up was.......Donatello...yeah...Don...but then...there's Raph....Leonardo started to become frustrated again, his abdomen tensed when stared at the other brother's door, the one he was definitely not eager about and did not want to think about at all. Should he visit him first? No. He goes to check on Donatello first. He needed some time to rest his mind again before he could even approach that room.

To his surprise, Donatello was actually in his room sleeping. Leonardo was pleased to see that, but he actually stayed around a bit longer to make sure Donatello was not just pretending and trying to fool him. He sighed. Who was he kidding? Donatello was clearly sleeping, he just tried to avoid his next visit. No matter how much he postponed it, the excited, curious feelings did not go away, they just intensified. This was a bad idea. Now the more he approached Raphael's door, the more he tensed up. Maybe he should just skip....no, he can't do that. He can't make such an exception just because he felt like an idiot. Raphael was his brother and he needed to be as responsible over him as the rest of the family. He just needed to ignore and shut down his emotions. Just a little peek anyways. Raphael was sleeping anyways. He never really stepped in his room anyways. Just checking, nothing more.

"Right..." he mumbled to himself, but as he grabbed the door handle, his mind exploded. He felt like butterflies tickling around in his stomach and a clear imaginary view popped in his mind about that big bulky turtle being so peaceful as he was sleeping, breathing so evenly and deeply, his hard muscles gently moving on the rhythm of his breathing. Leonardo felt weak and his face was burning up. But the door was opening, his hand eagerly moved on its own to satisfy the imagination with the actual view.

Everything mentally and physically froze in him, when the door opened, but instead of the little fantasy, his gaze met with Raphael.

Raph was staring surprised at his frozen brother. He was sitting on the ground fumbling with his gloves. He wasn't a morning turtle at all. He hated mornings, he hated morning trainings and he hated especially Leonardo's stupid speeches about reasons why Raphael is so grumpy on the mornings and that he should control himself, since it is not nice to ruin everyone's mood right on the morning. Finally he was up way early, since he wqs restless. It wasn't actually bad. He could have more time on himself, even if he was clumsy and annoyed just how he can't dress up properly on the morning. He was calming down, as he was fumbling with his clothea, when an unexpected guest arrived. Right, all he needed on the morning was the fearless, the one and only Leonardo himself. He sighed and got up on a lazy bear pace, then stepped to Leonardo. He was strange, but his mind was too foggy to care. Perhaps he was so busy with himself he didn't know how time passed and it was already training time and Leo came to call him.

"Sup." Raphael grunted.

No answer. Awkward silence. Leonardo was wierd. Whatever.

"Surprised seeing me up?" Raphael broke the ice with a sleepy, mocking grin.

"Y-Yeah. You're usually....sleeping at this hour."Leonardo said, clearly struggling to regain his composure.

Raphael was clueless why Leonardo was actually acting strange. He assumed it was because Leonardo was indeed surprised to see Raphael up this early. Finally he could be better than the fearless leader. That stupid perfect brother.

"So....." Raph pointed outside with his head, suggesting for them to go.

"Oh...uh....it's not the time yet, just came to check....."Leonardo froze again, going pale. This was bad.

Raphael blinked confused.

"Check what? No training yet, then what do you want?"

This was very bad. Noone supposed to know, especially not Raphael. Leonardo was starting to sweat.

"I......." He started, desperately trying to make up a lie.

Raphel folded his arms impatiently.

"I just wanted ti see if you're alright." Leo mumbled, lowering his gaze on his feet, tensing up, feeling like burning up in embarassment.

"I'm fine. Not sure why that's important at around 5-6 AM but sure." Raphael responded on a dry sarcastic tone."What else?".

"Nothing..." Leonardo felt like disappointment was sinking in him deeply, his tone sounded cold.

"Alright, alright,sorry!" Raphael snapped, assuming he offendes Leo for some reason.

Leo lifted his gaze at Raphael again.

"What for?"

"How the shell am I supposed to know?! Whatever made you look like shit minutes before? Or ya just came to find an excuse to scold me for whatever reason again?"

"What?! What's you problem with me now?! I came to check up on you if you're alright, all I tried to be is being nice and now you're just.....being a jerk."

"I did not ask ya to be "nice", I'm fine! I don't need babysittin', I'm a grownass teenage guy or whatever the fuckin' shell we are and I can take care of my own self!"

The frustration and disappointment was starting to become suffocating. Leonardo shut down emotionally.

"Fine." he grunted on a cold tone, then left, closing the door on Raphael.

"For shell's sake!" Raphael shouted and punched the wall, making it crack. Leonardo was so damn annoying, such a prick, suck an asshole, it annoyed him more than anything. He was also damn confusing with his misleading thoughts and reactions. He made Raphael paranoid, always feeling like he hurt Leonardo with something since the other was so hypersensitive with his stupid ego. Raphael could not be any wronger, but how he supposed to know better? He could swear to earth Leonardo was worse than April on her period.

For the day everyone knew they argued for some reason, as both of them were irritated and ignored each other. Donatello and Michelangelo decided not to question anything and pretend that eveything is fine, because they knew if they spark it up again, the apocalyose will arrive. At this point even Master Splinter gave up. He knew his sons need to solve things on their own.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I added more versions of TMNT, since I want you guys to imagine them in the form of whichever you want to or prefer to, although I rather imagine them in this story in their TMNT 2014 form :3 Also here's the next chapter! Comments are always welcomed~ Or if someone gets inspired, please tell me so that I can cheer for you and love you forever and promote your art x3
> 
> I also tried to bring back some comedy and humor in this chapter, too much drama is not fun for too long! x3

      A whole week have passed and Leonardo barely could keep himself together. The past week was horrible and pain inducing. He still could not believe how easy it was for Raphael to keep up the silent treatment between them for so long. Both of them expected the other to just go there and apologize. In Leo's case, the ideal action would be if Raphael initiated a talk between the two of them. Apparently Raph just didn't care or didn't even bother to say anything to Leo, rather just glare at him and grunt at him or turn his head away when felt like Leonardo wanted to tell him something. This torment was affecting the rest of the family. Leonardo felt too uncertain to consult with their father, he just kept telling the other two brothers and their father, that they should all be more patient with Raphael and that he has time to wait for the apology Raphael owes him, although never actually told the background story of their argument. Also since their argument, Leonardo quit his morning lair patrol, although he enjoyed it. He still kept up his responsibilities.

        Leo sighed. At least....this argument made him forget a bit about his feelings. He bottled them up as deep as he could. Then why did he still feel pain and frustration and restlessness? He supposed to feel the best as he could feel. Sometimes one needs to be strict, but why was it hurting him, when that was the right thing to do? Why was it so painful to not consider those exploratory feelings? Those feelings are bad and they should have dissolved already. Just thinking about them as he was sitting in his room meditating after their evening training on Sunday, made him even more frustrated. He eventually got up, feeling the meditation being useless. Decided to get some water and take a shower. As he walked out, he glanced around, his gaze catching his three brothers sitting on the main area chatting, eating some leftover pizza from lunch. He wanted to go there, but Raphael was there and he knew if he goes there he will ruin the mood, so he headed directly at the kitchen.

"Hey! Leo! Come here, bro!" of course Mikey needed to notice him.

Leo tried to pretend he was so deep in his thoughts he didn't notice, but then he paused.

"What is it, Mikey?" he asked, but he didn't approach them. He looked past Raphael as if he was non-existent, although it was difficult.

"Well, we just thought you could come here and chill out? Have you heard about the scores from the last match? We totally missed to attend to it." Donatello also spoke up with a smile and pushed up his glasses. It was seldom for Don to also just sit there doing nothing. He was always fumbling or tinkering with something.

"Yeah, thanked to your drama..." Mikey made a face at Raph and Leo.

Raphael glared at Mikey, it was unusual for him to stay so silent.

"Leo?"

Leonardo sighed. It was time to toughen up. This couldn't go forever.

"Fine." he mumbled, giving in, then went, took the glass of water he needed, then went and sat beside his brothers, beside Donatello, trying to face away from Raphael as much as possible, but they were kind of facing each other in the little circle. Leonardo kept his calm and coldly ignoring his presence, although inside he barely could swallow up the strange warm feeling. He would clearly feel Raph's gaze on him, but he focused on everything else, but not him. They supposed to be angry? He supposed to be angry, but he felt the opposite. He was curious about Raphael, but he was afraid to look at him. He didn't want to see anger on his face and definitely not hate or disgust.

As he sat down, they all went silent, until Mikey started rapping around on a silly way.

"So what's up?" he leaned in Leo's face, who blinked back with his own pair of blue eyes into the other one's.

"Uh....I supposed to ask that?"

"We thought you finally found your life goal and decided to become a hermit.  A room hermit." Mikey continued without expecting too much of an answer. "I mean....aren't you too young for that still? Also that supposed to be Raph's life goal."

Don chuckled, Raphael just rolled his eyes.

"You never know. But then I was considering the fact that I will need to give up on being the leader and wondered who could step up, but then I realized I'd prefer to keep my current role."

"Well obviously I'd be the next leader, duuuh." Mikey pointed at himself.

"If you're the next leader we all get fat from eating too much pizza, no training and glued on the screen playing." Raphael grumbled with a teasing grin.

"Well, you're already fat, so-...OW!" Mikey teased back, but ended up getting a big slap on his nape.

"Well built muscle is not considered chub, Mikey." Donatello pushed up his glasses.

Leonardo smiled at them, but felt like sweating, when felt Raph's gaze returning on him, he just calmly stared at the water in his hand and listened to his brothers silly talks.

"Yeah, tell 'im, Don." Raphael encouraged, but he wa rather looking at Leonardo, clearly wanting to make eyecontact, but received none. The more time passed, the more he was getting angrier and impatient. Leonardo was driving him mad every second, tension building up. It annoyed him to the core how the other ignored him. Although he held grudges  the longest and the most and had a bad temper, he still got over their argument long ago, what annoyed him is how he was ignored and rejected in every minute and did not think he made such a bad mistake for Leo to lock up from him like that. Leonardo was eerily silent and distant from them as years passed by. It really annoyed him. In his mind perhaps Leonardo was overly narcissistic and egoistic. He was perfect, he was getting handsome, he was everything that was the concept of perfection. It was just purely annoying. Due to their last little argument, Raphael completely assumed he is totally right and Leonardo is sensitive at everything, since he's so full of himself. Raphael making only a small mistake that he apologized for right then and there, now he needs to face the cruelest of conscequinces of making that perfect Adonis' ego hurt, by being ignored, feeling small and worthless against that fearless leader.Raphael grunted annoyed, clenching his fists.

"Leo." Raphael grunted on a low tone. He could not stand anymore. If Leo's not looking at him, he's gonna punch him so bad.

Don and Mikey stopped thei chat and blinked at Raphael.

"Oh shell..." Mikey mumbled.

Leo swallowed hard, a little frown appearing on his face, stared down, clenched his glass of water tighter.

"Leo!" Raphael's voice got louder and rougher.

"Yes, Raphael." Leonardo mumbld, his voice sounded unimpressed and cold, yet calm and patient.

"Just look....the fuck...at me!" Raphael demanded, inching closer in front of the other with an impatient snarl.

Leonardo felt tensing up by reflex, he was prepared to be hit. He kept toughening himself up as fast as he could to keep his composure and face Raphael already. He managed in time, he finally lifted his gaze up at Raphael, before getting the prepared punch. He did not say anything, just stand Raphael's sharp gaze. He falt nausea hitting his tensed stomach, his whole body felt numb, as he stared in those eyes, being so close up to him. He was mentally begging Raphael to just get over it and punch him already and end this before he....

....but then they came...

....those thoughts, they cracked the barriers open and poured out, washing over his mind, making his body heat up, cheeks feeling like burning up, mentally and physically feeling numb.

....he blinked, slight puzzled panic flowing through his body...

Every moment his heart was beating faster, feeling like he can't breathe, that there's not enough air, since Raphael was stealing away from him.

"M-mh?" he couldn't even mutter a word out.

Raphael's anger was subsiding, as he just stared at Leo rather curiously, his gaze curiously observing the changes on the leader's face. There was something....endearing about that face. So helpless, so clueless. It was confusing. Wait, was he blushing...?

"What..." Raphael grunted, leaning a bit closer, as if a magnetic force was pulling him at Leo.

"Are you guys finally making up?" Mikey asked as he leaned in at them on the side, glancing at Leo then at Raph with a big wide grin.

"I dunno, ask the fearless." Raphael said, returning to his usual sarcastic tone, leaning back, away from Leo's personal space.

"Later." Leonardo mumbled, trying his best to regain his composure and just have an internal scream of relief."I've been meaning to ask you guys, have you heard about any events lately?"

"Nope, everything's fine! For now." Mikey reported.

"Well I've been checking the reports, but there are world problems, that take care of their own selves or being taken care of and they don't need us every time. We're just mutants, Leo, not superheros." Donatello also explained, Raphael just shrugged.

"Awww, maaaaan, we could be amazing superturtles! Our superpower is ninjutsu and our weakness is pizza and we could have epic superhero costumes and names, like..." Mikey snorted."Raph would be Mr. Cuddles!" he bursted out laughing, then got another smack.

"Yeah, and what about you, Twinkletoes?" Raphael teased back, then kept pushing Mikey around until they started wrestling playfully.

"Ugh, your fatass is crushing me!"

"Since when is my arm my ass?" Raphael grinned as ke firmly kept mikey in a headlock, indeed Mikey getting lost in those muscles.

"Everything's arlight?" Don asked Leo with a smile.

The other nodded. Of course nothing was fine, but none of them needed to know he was troubled. Especially not the source of his issues, Raphael.

Donatello didn't push it further, he just filed away the faked answer, then just laughed at his two brothers goofing around.

 

 

Later Donatello retreated to his lab to finish some of his projects and Mikey got tired, so he went to sleep, before all those, they all went and said goodnight to Master Splinter, who was reading in his room. Leonardo looked at his empty glass. It was actually nice finally being with his brothers and even attempt a little laugh. He smiled for himself absent-mindedly, but then his grin faded in a grimace as his gaze met with Raph's, so was casually sitting and playing with the end of his red bandana, staring at Leo. Leonardo tensed up again, clearing his throat, glancing away.

"I did not tell 'em." Raphael finally spoke up.

"Tell what?" Leonardo asked, but did not look at his brother.

"That ya check us."

"What?!"

"I figured out. I've been wonderin' a lot, but it made no sense why ya'd come to my room that early only to ask how I was. Don once mentioned he better goes to sleep fast before you catch him staying up late. So I figured ya do the same to them. I'd call ya a creep, but that's your business. As ya said, it's being nice, so I did not tell 'em anythin'. Thought ya want to keep it to yerself just like yer lil' cookin' habit."

"Excuse me?!"

"What? Ya thought yer the only creep around?" Raph grinned teasingly.

Leonardo felt like burning up again. So all this time Raphael knew.

"But ya know what? One thing I need ta ask from ya, big brother." Raphael leaned in with a threatening snarl. "What I can also see is how full you are of yerself. Oh, the big fearless, the perfect, the almighty. We get it, 'kay? Ya don't need ta shine that egoistic smug face of yours in ours every fuckin' day, we get it that yer all hot n' perfect. So all I'm askin' here is, that ye tone it down a little. Do ya think ye can do it?"

Leonardo fell speechless with widened eyes. Hot...? Perfect....? Egoistic? What was Raphael talking about?! Leo sighed. Yet here he was thinking Raphael knew him better than himself.Completely misunderstood. He still could not blame Raphael.

"Raphael, I think you're misunderstanding..."

"Oh don't start yer lectures!"

"I am not lecturing, just listen! ......Please...."

"Oh, wow, ya okay? Havin' a fever or somethin', ya might visit Don.....I mean..."please"?! Don't hear that from ya much!"

"Raphael, just....let's stop this, okay? I don't want to end up like last time."

"Then what do ya suggest, Oh Big Leader?"

Leonardo stayed silent for a long moment, considering what was right to do.

"I....think we misunderstand each other and due to this fact, we are arguing a lot. I believe we should fix this somehow, because it is affecting the rest of our family. We can't and should not cause discomfort among us. We are a family and we've ben through a lot together already. We are also a team, we need to keep each other together, not falling apart, because we have miscommunication." Leonardo finally spoke up on a mature, calm tone.

"Okay, still not getting what yer implyin'."

Well Leonardo wasn't sure where was this going either.

"Well...uhm...." he bit his lower lip trying to find a solution. "Well I shouldn't be the only one figuring this out, this should be a mutual effort. How about....tomorrow we will think what you and me think we should do or what are we expecting from each other or....I don't know...what could we do together to bring some harmony in this family? Your thoughts are needed." Leo made a faint smile.

"I don't need a day to figure shit out. I told ya already. Tone down your ego and we'll be fine."

Leo sighed. This was harder than he thought.

"Do you think this helps? I don't think so. You need to try harder, Raph."

Raphael groaned annoyed.

"I don't get what you want from me!"

"I don't want any more and any less than you to think what the two of us should do in the future."

"Just...the two of us?" Raphael asked on a suspicious tone."Just...us?"

"Well....yes?" Leonardo asked uncertain what was Raphael implying, he got even more puzzled, when he saw Raphael looking away with a stirred up expression. "Raphael...? I don't understand what is the problem with this? We are....two brothers that misunderstand each other and are old enough to contribute for the family for the better..?"

Raphael fell silent, tensing up, not looking at Leo.He did not want to do anything with Just Leo in the context. It was strange, it should not happen, especially because Leonardo's words flipped in his mind on a secondary understanding that was not appropriate. It was not new for anyone, that he sometimes did have pervy jokes, but this time the little sparking urges were popping up in him again and the stupid images he made up, forgetting his anger and competitiveness that covered anything else in his mind about Leo and definitely wasn't funny. After past random fantasies he was just thinking about, for fun, as he was slipping through pages of a porn magazines, getting naturally riled up and horny,after consuming too much of those, some word formations automatically converted into something perverted in his mind, that combined with his frustrations about Leo did no good.

"Raph...?" Leonardo asked uncertain as he approached his brother.

Raphael jumped up before Leo's reached out hand touched him.

"Sometimes I don't see ya as a brother!" Raph blurted out rashly, then rushed in his room.

Leonardo froze in place, staring after Raphael with a pale face until the slammed door hid his brother's form away from his gaze. A rush of panic flooded his mind and frustrated confusion.

"What....?" he mumbled weakly to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Raphael exhaled, then started his workout session in his room. He finally made up with Leonardo, at least that tension was off of his shoulders, however nothing really was solved. Why needed those fantasies pop up right and exactly at that sensitive moment. He understood what Leonardo might have suggested, but his mind couldn’t rest from those perverted images about Leonardo.

It all started when Raphael was rather discovering himself at a young age. That he might just happened to be able to feel something amazing through that „musclestack of pipe” down there. He was too embarrassed to talk about that with their father, although they were talked to after a time, but he was exploring too soon. Eventually he could open up about it with Donatello, but Donatello’s approach was so dry and scientific, the discussion became rather awkward. He did not want to even mention anything lewd around Mikey, since Mikey was considerd naive and immature still, although he had open pervy or flirty jokes. And Leonardo...well in no world or universe he’d ever discuss anything of such sort with the fearless! Although he told himself he’ll never ever think about Leonardo and sexual stuffs in the same context, his thoughts wandered off anyways and wondered, since Leonardo was the oldest, he surely discovered jerking off long ago, most likely talked about it with Don and master Splinter. At least so Raphael assumed. He got angry automatically adding in his thoughts, that the stupid fearless was more likely perfect about it too. And then he couldn’t stop his mind wandering off about all the ways Leonardo could be perfect in sexual ways. By the time he finally snapped out of it, he was stroking his erection and all these erotic imaginary pictures were floating around about Leonardo, converted from poses and expressions he saw in porn magazines he hid in his room. It took some good time to convince himself that what he imagined was very much wrong and he should not be jerking off to it at all. It was disgusting and he blurred all of it and covered them up with anger and fake disgust. „Fake it til you make it.” It was a good quote. It even was working, it was all good and everything back to normal, he didn’t need to feel awkward or anything around the others or Leonardo, until that damn night....Leonardo suggesting to figure out something ....together...just the two of them....contribute to the family....It sounded all so formal, but Raphael’s mind got flooded with those reaccuring fantasies. Awful timing.

Raph sighed, slumped down on the ground in his room, staring at the floor. He supposed to have ideas for today. Leonardo is not forgetful enough and he will most likely ask him about it. Should he push his lame excuse about Leonardo being egoistic and just back off? Should he suggest to hug it out? His stomach jumped in his throat thinking about the possibilities how physical he could get with the leader while hugging. He actually wondered how it feels like to embrace Leonardo. He is always so cold and distant, even Donatello sometimes mocks him about not having feelings. He cared for his family, but the only affections he ever visibly have shown was towards their father, the respect and adoration. Towards his brothers? He was more distant. With Raphael, Leonardo was straight up an asshole, a cold-hearted, lecturing asshole. He was not sure what’s up with him and Don, and Mikey, the same, just a tolerated brat. It annoyed Raphael to the core. Of course he tried to hide how much he loved his family, even if sometimes he blurted out some „dramatic, passionate drooling about his brotherly love”. But at least he wasn’t cold and distant with them, he did not made everyone feel how „special” he is, like how Leonardo did.

„URGH!” Raphael grunted loudly, as he jumped up.

He decided, this is a good chance to lecture the fearless. Tables should finally turn.

 

Leonardo was standing under the shower, staring down at himself. He was shocked. There was no denying, he was a growing teenager, a mutant turtle, but nontheless a guy. A dude. It kind of grew. He grew down there too. It was strange. Why would it be, when he peed there too countless times. He closed his eyes. This was stupid. He could bet none of his brothers even stared at their genitals and wondering „Wow, it grew!”. He snorted and noted to self to keep himself even more controlled. Just as he decided, the other contradicting thoughts surfaced. It was a long time he gave himself the luxury to please himself with a little....jerking off.....he also wondered.....if Raphael grew so big physically...how about down there?

Leo’s eyes widened, he lifted his head, but water poured in his eyes, he needed to lower his head again.

„No way....” he grumbled to himself to calm himself down. An excited tingle ran through his body, felt like warming up.

„No....” he mumbled, bit his lower lip. He was helplessly battling his inner eagerness about Raphael....just Raphael....why did it make him so warmed up?! He could swear he even started to gain an erection.

„Fhhhss.....oh shell.....” he sighed in defeat, he really did have an erection. He needed to accept this terrible and wrong situation and thanked to the thoughts of Raphael, grab himself and ready himself up for that sweet release.

Why Raph.....this was wrong. He was disgusting. He closed his eyes, placed one arm on the tiled wall, pressed his forehead to his arm, the other hand pumping on his erection. He bit down on his lower lip rough to hold back the muffled sounds. He couldn’t help but imagine how exciting it would be Raphael walking up to him from behind and touch him.....just anywhere.....

Although the water was hot, pouring down on his body, he was shivering, rather shivering in pleasure as he fastened the pace with his hand.

„Nh yeah.......” he couldn’t help but groan out as silent as he could manage, squirming in one place. „n-Raph.......” he moaned out between his teeth, he wanted Raphael close so badly right now, he couldn’t even start denying anything or labeling as wrong or bottling up, it was just pouring out freely, his mind numbed by the physical pleasure and the satisfing thoughts, imagining Raphael touching him wherever he pleased.

„Ngh.....” Leo muffled another moan, opened his eyes. This jerking off session was lasting way too long than the last one, his body was burning up, his hand was tiring out and it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. Much more, this wasn’t enough. He would give everything to have Raphael there, although he’ll most likely regret all these thoughts later. Now he had bigger issues, than denying himself. He gave out a distressed whine, he wanted to reach to the orgasm already, but it wasn’t coming. He rose his head up from his arm and rather slowed down his hand. He had an idea. What if....he simulated Raphael’s hand on him with his free hand? Seemed a good idea. He sighed, focused back on the pleasure and started touching himself. Rather gently brushing his hand over his plastron, his neck, his side, his thigh....then his hand wandered on his ass. A sting of pleasure rushed through him. He licked his wet lips excited. What if.....he slowly reached backwards more, with the motion positioned himself so that he could bend a little and slide his finger to his hole. A little panic rushed through him. He was going too far, he never did this before. He felt even more disgusting, but he wanted to try it....

Based on what felt nice, he started to rub his hole, which was burning up just like his erection.

„Oh shell yeah....” he gasped, shivering eagerly.

He felt like exploding, imagining curiously, what if Raphael’s erection was rubbing there instead of his finger. He felt dizzy from the need and eager urges. The double stimulation was finally pushing to his limits. His heart was beating faster and started heaving, then with a muffled moan, he finally reached the orgasm.

He lowered on his knees, as he let himself enjoy the aftereffects of his intense orgasm, his body shivering, his cum washed away quickly by the water.

It’ll be difficult bottling it all up after this in the future. He was already curious about more.It was bad to feel like that. Especially adding the fantasy Raphael in the picture. It was even worse, that he ignored all the reactions and discussions before and the sentence spoken by Raphael, that unsettled him a lot, that Raphael sometimes wasn’t seeing him as a brother. It was a shocking and concerning sentence to digest for the leader.

 

The day passed with a mutual ignorance from Raph’s and Leo’s part, however there was no tension, they just simply avoided to get in contact too much. Both had their obvious reasons, but kept it for themselves. Raphael was rather trying to avoid the private talk with Leo, while Leo could not and did not want to talk to Raphael, as he felt incredibly guilty about his fantasies. Donatello and Michelangelo tried to act as natural as possible, they still assumed the two were not over their argument, however they are slowly reconciling. Master Splinter did see the underlying tension and it was concerning him more and more.The wise rat was in a constant dilemma whether he should interrupt the situation unfolding or not, but he felt it is still not time and he will just still observe. They were growing, they needed to figure more and more things on their own, especially Leonardo. Master Splinter knew before too, that Leonardo had issues developing stronger emotions or being more aware of himself, always the other members of the family were high priority, meanwhile he payed little attention on himself. He just trained to be better, he just trained for the statuses earned in the family or as a mutant turtle, who mastered the art of ninjutsu and katana wielding. Even then the impostance was put on him deserving to have the swords, than the swords deserve to have him as their wielder.

The rest of the family still remained as patient as possible. Mikey was starting to lose his patience and kept wanting to ask Raph and Leo if they finally stop the nonsense fight, which was becoming way too long and way too serious and it was uncomfortable even for him.

The day went by relatively peaceful. Raphael was fooling around with Mikey as usual, Donatello sometimes commented in too, meanwhile Leonardo kept himself out of the chit chats and just observed. He found the excuse to sit down to a good distance and sharpen his swords. It was the one activity when he was rarely disturbed. As he was staring at Raphael absentmindedly, suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. He blinked and looked at his side, their master sat down beside him, he comfortably exhaled and watched the others with Leonardo.

„There is a silent hurricane shivering through again and again between you, no matter how the leader is trying to tame and silence this hurricane.” The wise elder finally spoke.

Leonardo tensed up, looking away everywhere but not at him or Raphael.

„I am sorry, sensei. I am trying my best. I got to talk to Raphael yesterday and he seems to be willing to cooperate to bring harmony in this family.” Leonardo fast answered dryly.

„Why would youn assume I was talking only about you and your brother?”

Leonardo clenched his teeth, but kept his calm.

„I am sorry, sensei. This was in my mind lately and I wanted to let you know that everything is under control.”

Master Splinter’s ear twitched, he sighed again.

„What about Michelangelo and Donatello?”

„What about them...?”

„The more time you focus on one, the other two carries the weight.”

Leonardo frowned. He really was recollecting his thought, the guilt was suffocating him even more now. Not only he was foolishly letting his desires break out and allowing his stupid fantasies to wash over his mind, not only he indeed was focusing on Raphael, but at the meantime he was pushing his other two brothers aside. His grip tightened on the katana on his lap.

„You are right, sensei. I am going to -..”

„Leonardo.” Master Splinter cut him off, sensing his son was getting more and more agitated.

„I am sorry, sensei.”

„Leonardo, my son. You are piling up collecting too much trouble and fault over yourself. There is nothing wrong giving time for you and Raphael, there is nothing wrong giving more time for yourself, but sometimes you forget to communicate. Communication is essential. Even if you are not willing to reveal every thought and plan, you need to communicate something, letting your team know about progresses or just plain reassurings are something too, anything. Just try to communicate. What I see is how Donatello and Michelangelo are confused and meanwhile you and Raphael are progressing, they are standing in one place puzzled and clueless, waiting for instructions, or for any sign to know they don’t need to feel like exclusions and tensed up, getting tired out eventually.”

Leonardo sighed a bit annoyed and frustrated.

„I would never leave or exclude any of my brothers! Each and everyone of them is important to me and as I grow, I learn to be more open-minded about their ideas and thoughts. I let them know already that there was an argument between me and Raphael and Raphael needs some time to calm the shell down. I also hope, that me and Raphael will get things out of the way and move on and everything will be fine again. Until then they need to wait.”

The father nodded.

„Did you, by any way, communicate this with them?”

Leonardo lowered his head.

„I thought it was clear....”

 „Yes, sometimes situations can be read by themselves, but there are some situations, that need reassurance.” The old rat said, then got up, patted Leonardo’s shoulder and retreated in his room for the night.

Leonardo stared down at his sword with a frown, thinking. It frustrated him a bit that he wasn’t as flawless as he thought and every time his father pointed out like this, one part of him was angry at their father for expecting him to think about every single detail, but the bigger side of him was faulting his own self. This time he knew he clearly let loose and lost control, because of his own selfish little dirty reasons. It just disgusted him. He was disgusting. He sighed. He needed to meditate on a more stricter way and close out everything luring in the future. He grunted, when the contradictory thoughts were screaming again, how he doesn’t want to give up having dirty fantasies and that he wanted to explore pleasure and his body more.

Leo shook his head, put his swords away, then jumped up from his sitting position and jogged to his brothers, trying to escape from his own mind.

„I know we already had training sessions today, but how about we have uhm....a different kind of training at nights? Something more.....fun?” he blurted out the idea without thinking. This sounded actually a good idea in his mind, spending more time with his brothers, building teamwork and brotherly connection equally with all of them.

„Fun? Woooaaaaah that’s the magic word, my dude! Can’t believe you said it!” Mikey already cheered.

„Sure, what about?” Don also grinned curiously.

Raphael didn’t say anything, just awkardly scratched his nape and looked away, Leonardo felt kind of warmed up and uneasy around Raphael again, but he was incredibly determined to make those feelings and thoughts die out completely.

„Well you guys have any suggestions?” Leonardo put his hands on his sides.

He patiently waited for the others to list up loads of hobbies and what were considered fun, rather said, Don and Mikey, Raphael was just looking away and being way too silent again.

„R-Raph...?” Leonardo called ut for him, he wanted to ask him naturally too, but he was tensed and awkward and embarrassed and at this point he was squirming in one place.

„Hm.” Raph nodded at him, their gaze met for a moment, then both just stared at the ground, awkwardly switching weight from one leg to another.

Don and Mikey blinked and looked at them confused.

„So uh.....what about your....uhm well...ideas..?” Leonardo finally managd to force out that question which sounded way too embarrassed than how he planned.

„I dunno. Everythin’s cool...” Raph shrugged, trying to act cool and awesome and chill, but he was rather cool, but awkward.

Why was this happening?! Leonardo panicked out, but they needed to keep it cool in front of the other two.

„Oooookay okay okay. What’s up?” Mikey asked with a suspicious glare at one than the other.

Leonardo’s muscles tensed up licked his lips nervously, Raphael glared back at Mikey.

„I mean if you guys don’t want to do anything together we don’t need to force it...I mean....if you need to sort things out me and Mikey can just leave you know?” Donatello offered carefully.

„Yeah dudes, there’s clearly something wrong.”

„Nothin’s wrong, it’s all going well. Now what was yer offer?”

„I’m sorry.....I just wanted us to spend some time together that is not training and lighten up the mood...” Leonardo mumbled, his voice sounded cold and dry, as if he was hurt, but it was rather the pure guilt that was washing over him and tried his best to held it back.

„Oh wooow, sorry for not playin’ along according to yer plans, sheesh...” Raphael automatically responded bitterly, it just hit the wrong switch and there it was, the misunderstanding again.

„No, that is not how I meant!” Leonardo snapped back annoyed.

Mikey playful smile curved down.

„Aw, man, here they go again...”

Donatello sighed.

„Okaaaaayy sssoooo, guess we’re all tired, huh!” Donatello said and acted out a yawn and tired stretch. „How about we all go to sleep and tomorrow night we will watch a movie?”

„Yeeeeaaaaaaaaah!!!! There’s that new movie coming out or we can watch Godzilla! We need popcorn and pizza and something to drink, like soda and coke!!!”  Mikey cheered again.

Leonardo glared at Raphael, but then he tried to recollect himself and nodded as calmly as managed.

„Yes, I agree, let us schedule a movie night for tomorrow. We will set up the stuffs tomorrow morning and after trainings and patrolling, we can sit together and....watch a movie, pick whatever.” Leo nodded, trying to ignore Raphael's glare.

Raphael rolled his eyes and folded his arms, still glaring at Leonardo.

„Sounds cool.” He grumbled.

„Fantastic! Welp, good night guys!” Donatello said, then nodded at his brothers, still glancing concerned at the older borhters, but decided it was best if he just flees. He waved at Mikey to follow him, who was just jumping and cheering around and shaking Raphael in excitement, but then Don pried him off of Raphael and pulled him away at his room.

„Goodnight, guys!” Mikey said eagerly, then jumped on his bed, Don waving and closing his door, then looked at the other two again.

„Hope you figure out something...” he said, then waved at them with a smile and retreated to his room.

Leonardo waited to be silence, then glared at Raphael, who glared back.

„You’re unbelievable!” Leonardo whispered between his teeth and started to go at his room, but Raphael grabbed his wrist and pulled him back roughly. Leonardo spun around and looked up at Raphael with widened, susprised eyes. Raphael was getting stronger, not just taller, that was for sure.

„I asked somethin’....ya seem to fuckin’ forgot it. I said ta back the fuck down, didn’t I?! Tone down that fuckin’ ego of yers!”

„Raphael, watch your language! And what?!.....” Leonardo paused, inhaled and exhaled, recollecting himself. Raphael was about to snap back, his grip tightened on Leo’s wrist, but Leo interrupted him silently, leaning closer. „Sh, enough. We need to calm down.” He whispered smoothly, closed his eye for a moment to calm down.

Raphael froze, that „sh” tingled through his body and the smooth voice too, he let Leo go fast and abruptly stepped back, out of the other’s personal zone. Leonardo opened his eyes, when felt the loss of contact, somwehere deep down he was disappointed, but ignored the thought. He blinked surprised and he couldn’t help but smile, holding back a chuckle, when his gaze met with Raphael’s troubled, goofy grimace, totally oblivious what was the other struggling with.

„How about we go up?” Leonardo whispered as he suggested to go up to the top with a smile.

Raphael swallowed hard, then nodded with a badass smirk.

Sneaking out as quiet in the night as possible, they decided to just climb up on top of the closest building. It was way better being outside, the slight breeze clearing Leonardo’s mind more and they didn’t need to whisper anymore or be concerned about the others.

„Yeah, was actually a good idea. Walls have ears..” Raphael grumbled on a calmer tone, as he looked in the distance at the nightlights and cars under them, he really enjoyed being outside of the lair.

„Mhm....” Leonardo still smiled clarmly, as he also was resting his mind and eyes, then he turned at Raphael with a serious expression. „Raphael, we really need to talk and figure things out. Today’s argument also reflects how we....misunderstand each other.”

Raphael tensed up a bit, his well built muscles twitched at the slightest tension. It was so easy reading him, it was an advantage and distadvantage how his emotions were so readable on his face. Even now even for Leonardo, who was clueless about many emotions, he could see how the other was frustrated and uncomfortable to discuss.

„Like how...?” Raph grunted.”Where’s the misunderstadin’,we grew up together.”

„Well, yes, you are right...” Leonardo scratched the back of his head.”But we also change.”

„Okay, okay, you keep accusing me to not get yer perfect whatever. So enlighten me, then!” the impatience and irritation came back to his tone.

„Well....you keep accusing me for being egositic in most of the situations. I don’t know where you get this from, but being a leader is not easy, having so many responsibilities is not easy and always staying collected is not easy either. I don’t think this means I am egoistic?”

„Keep makin’ up excuses, yer just full of yerself.” Raphael grumbled stubbornly.

„What?! For shell’s sake, Raph, what’s with this fixation of yours about me?! I don’t get you, why do you hate me this much?!” Leonardo snapped, losing his patience. It was frustrating how easily Raphael got him out of his perfect composure.

Raphael didn’t answer, just looked away. Leonardo waited for a long, tense moment.

„Raphael, look at me and tell me why do you hate me.” Leonardo demanded roughly.

Raphael stubbornly refused to look at him and repond. Leonardo sighed and lowered his head defeated. After a long moment, which felt like hours, he spoke up again.

„So many times I feel lost and scared. I know I can never rest and I need to be the best for you guys, but there are times when I just....I don’t even know what needs to be done, but it is expected to know everything. It’s so....tiring.” Leonardo’s voice became more and more silent, closed his eyes, his hands rested on his thighs.”I am.....I don’t know what you want from me, I don’t know how to be better for you. Anything I try, none is good for you and just making you hate me more and more...You just......don’t understand how important this family is...you all...for me. I can’t afford mistakes. I can’t afford fun, I can’t afford many things, I gotta be better....for you, guys.” His fists clenched on his thighs, he felt his eyes getting watery, this was pathetic, but he felt too tired to care anymore, the fact that Raphael was hating him just gave him an unconscious heartbreak. „You keep telling me that I am full of myself....Raph, I don’t even know who I am beside being the leader.I don’t have preferences, I don’t have hobbies..or...if I have, those are also focused on becoming better. If you think I am doing all this to be better for myself, then you are very wrong.”

He was just pouring out more and more, not even noticing that at this point Raphael was listening very attentively. It was very difficult for Raphael to hold back, a burst of affection was trying to break out of him to just forget everything and hold Leonardo as close as possible, protectively, affectionately, but he was scared of his own self to do so. He knew it was not only about comforting his brother. Even now he thought how beautiful and handsome Leonardo was being this fragile and emotional, which was almost impossible to ever see him be. Mixed feelings ver circling in him, both the sibling affection and the other „suspicious feelings”. He was pretty much was well onformed about romance and sexual affection too, as he was curious about those subjects kind of at an early age, he by far wasn’t as clueless as Leonardo. Raph at this point started to give up with the stubborn battling against his feeling and admit to himself he felt more than brotherly love for Leonardo. He was yearning to just let himself show Leonardo what he was hiding behind those irritations, disgust and false accusations, but he was too scared, the big Raphael chickened out and he couldn’t help it. All he could do was appreaciate this beautiful view and cherish it as long as it lasted.

„Hey......yer cool. Yer awesome and perfect. Too perfect. Sometimes ye should try less.....ye know...like....instead of givin’ the 500 percent, just give a 200-100 percent...” Raphael eventually said on a caring voice, as he couldn’t help but lightly lift Leo’s chin and gently stroke it.

„Raphael, this is not helping...” Leonardo complained, as he pushed his hand away and rubbed at his eyes to brush tears away.”Are you happy now? I look pathetic just for your entertainment...” Leonardo grumbled flustered, his tone still remained friendly.

Raphael couldn’t help but let out a cocky smirk.

„Yeah, I actually like the view...” he mumbled playfully teasing.

Leonardo lightly nudged his shoulder.

„So what are ye suggestin’ us to do?”

Leonardo sighed, calming down a bit more, then looked at the city again, as he was wondering for a long moment.

„Firstly, we need to make up, no more stupid bickering for a while, okay? You now know more and I hope you won’t forget...”

Raphael nodded, then spread his arms.

„Fine....C’me here...” he mumbled, suggesting a hug.

Actually for a moment both of them hesitated, but eventually Leonardo sneaked closer and hugged Raphael, who hugged him so tight and rough he gave out a small noise, as the air was squished out of him. The embrace was lasting way too long, to the point both was them was feeling tensed up and awkward, not sure when or how to break it, but eventually Leonardo suggested with a tap that they supposed to stop now. They both looked away embarrassed, Raph clearing his throat.

„So....” he grumbled.

„Y-yeah, so...uh.....I think, that....this was a good time, so maybe we could come out like this and...talk again?”

„So...we hang out like this from now on.” Raphael was rather repeating things to himself to sink in.

„Well, if you want to?” Leonardo asked uncertain, he was going tense and stressed again, since he remembered when he suggested such thing last time, Raphael freaked out for some reason. He actually really hoped it wasn’t happening again and in the futue they could discuss this too.

„So....just ya and me hangin’ out and discuss things...”

„Yeah....”

Raphael wondered for a moment, swallowed hard.

„Yeah...sure...”

„G-good....” Leonardo mumbled in relief.

„Tomorrow night..?”

„Well that would be nice, but we have movie night with our brothers...”

„Yeah, right...forgot ’bout it...” Raphael tried to joke around, it came out rather awkward.” But....we can after..?”

„Well, it’ll be very late and we need to wake up early, but we could come out the next night?”

Raphael shrugged with a „strange” disappointed expression.

„Ok...”

„Good! So.....we go back now?” Leonardo pointed at the nearby alleyway.

„Woulda have stayed more, but if ya say so...”

„I know, it is very nice, but I’m afraid I can’t leave you here, Raphael, I am more than sure you’ll barely sleep an hour, then...” Leonardo got up, ready to go.

„No, I mean....” Raphael got up way slower, just taking his time.”...we.....us...” he shrugged, then clumsily squirmed around, then frowned nervously. „Whatever...” he grumbled disappointed, then rushed fast to go climb down in the sewers and home to his room.

Leonardo was so confused, he was just standing there dumbfounded with widened eyes and burning cheeks. He tried to calm down as much as he could, he was really surprised receiving the attention from Raphael, but he swallowed down all the yearning feelings and ignoring them and trying to think with his sane mind, that this was a good step to bring harmony in the family AND NOTHING ELSE!

 

Right...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor little confused teenager babies owo What do you think will happen? >.< Well you never know when it'll turn to bad or good? :O 
> 
> P.S. I write them turning or already turned 18 at this point, so this is why I tried writing they are still teenagers, yet not, but they still consider themselves as teenagers? But yeah, I thought it is clear, still thought to add uwu


	5. Chapter 5

For Raph the daily routines sometimes became too boring, so for a change, or he found new hobbies or went out on his own. Even if he was considered being a muscle head who only likes to smash things or pester his brothers or work on his muscles even more, he actually had some “pretty intelligent” hobbies too, according to Donatello. For the purple clad brother it was sometimes fascinating how he caught Raph tinkering with something or fixing stuffs around the lair, although most of the times the fixing was way messier than Don’s. Raph also pressured Don teaching him too, how to drive. At first it was the most tiring thing Don have ever experienced, but after Raph realized how he tired his brother, he thought a lot and changed his attitude as best as he could. He just couldn’t help it. He was hotheaded, impatient, stubborn and constantly annoyed. He sometimes had way too dark views of situations and thought too deeply, all because he was the most sensitive among his brothers, considering his emotions. Their father praised him multiple times for having such a big heart, but at the same time scolded him for being embarrassed about it and rather covered them up with roughness and toughness. His most ambition all the time was to protect, but in order to do so, he needed to be strong and soon the “strong” never was enough. Even if him getting stronger and massive and tough, it just wasn’t enough. The sick competition drove him even more to be strong. He was thinking about things way more simply than Leonardo. This is why he always thought their father chose wrong. He supposed to be the one, who is officially acknowledged as the best protector of the family. He supposed to be the one, not Leonardo. It always annoyed him and never hid his envy. After all, he never wanted bad for Leo, and even if the emotions he expressed were hurting for his family, he felt like being loyal and honest is way better than being fake….like Leo. Even if Leo annoyed him a lot, he always observed and thought a lot. From a very subjective way.

As they grew, Raphael went with the changes like easy waves. Somehow the guy in him became so mature from the exploring, feeling and thinking. Although he felt like his mentality and attitude towards certain things changed and that he explored sexual things from early ages, he always thought Leo is ahead of him in those too. These thoughts somehow didn’t leave his mind rest, especially after the fantasies. He was so curious about the taboo, about the secrets, about the forbidden. Actually their father never directly forbid them from those activities, he just explained to them the natural flows of life and reproducing and did not get into details about the others that can occur, it was rather Donatello who voiced how incest is a thing and it’s wrong from biological and who knows what views and the others that are beyond the basic human nature knowledge of reproduction. Of course that were true facts and they also had the natural instinct that there’s a certain border, a certain limit in the feelings towards each other and that was naturally respected. Raphael still wasn’t pleased with the theories, as the panic and frustration rose, that his fantasies directed at Leo. Maybe he was just desperate for a mate and he was taking it out on a brother, the one that frustrated him the most, the one who he wanted to dominate so badly….

So roughly…

Pinned under him…

Helpless…

Defeated…..

Acknowledging Raphael’s superiority…and dominance….and-

Raphael bit his lower lip. This was going too far. He punched the bag again, as he stared at it. He was so full of his thoughts  he forgot the day passed by pretty quickly, forgot the activities from morning and here he was, killing some time by doing the usual, waiting for the hour when they finally sit together for the movie. At this time Leonardo was with Don and Master Splinter in the dojo, Mikey was at his room searching for some movies as Raph just wanted to have some time for himself in his room. Maybe it was a bad idea, maybe he should go to Mikey and help him collect some movies that are worth watching and maybe Don won’t get bored halfway and Leonardo despise it all the way and his own mind is being distracted while searching with Mikey. But the the temptation was so alluring to just stay in his room, fantasize more and maybe, just maybe have a quick jerk off.

Raph groaned out frustrated, glancing down.

„C’me oooon, get yerself together!” he grumbled to himself as he annoyedly banged his head in the punching bag. That crash made him light headed a bit, but at least smoothened out the heavy pressure of sexual urges. He took a big breath, let it out, then finally decided it was best to just leave his room and lock his dirty thoughts there too and just hang out, socialize.

Meanwhile Leonardo and Donatello finished with sparring, the father and the elder brother being glad to see Dontello wanting to perfection some skills of his with his staff. Donatello almost never or very rarely requested for experimental spars, but whenever happened, Leonardo was always the first to help, and Master Splinter’s wise opinions were always a must for the turtles. The father proudly praised them, as both of the siblings bowed with gratitude, Donatello thanking for the sensei taking his time and patience to observe and share some wisdom. Donatello ended up learning a new secret technique and Leonardo feeling refreshed from the inexplicable stress lingering subconsciously.

As they left he dojo, they saw Mikey already at the couch, examining a pile of DVDs of movies, while Raphael was making some popcorn and getting some beers.

„Doooon, do you think this DVD is still usable? It seems scratched to me!” Mikey called out just as he heard Donatello’s voice in the main area.

„Let me see!” Donatello shouted back, as he once more waved at the father and rushed to Mikey, the two instantly engaging in conversation and chuckling. Leonardo looked after his brother with a smile, then directed his attention back to their father.

„Thank you, sensei.” He bowed gratefully.

„Oh, my son, it is not something to thank. It is something a father does for his sons.” The wise rat smiled warmly, but then his smile lowered on a more serious expression. „I still see the hurricane in your heart, my son.”

Leonardo tensed up, he looked away.

„I....seem to feel troubled for no reason. I will figure it out and I’ll be alright, do not worry about me, father. I feel I am heading to the right path.” His cold, formal tone sounded firm and confident.

„ For no reason......everything has a reason, you just need to seek out and find.” the worried father said, then patted his son’s shell, as he headed at the kitchen.

Leonardo frowned, as he stared at the ground, sighed, then looked at their father, as he once again called out.

„Do you...want to join us in our....uhm, home cinema?” Leonardo asked hesitantly, a bit shyly, feeling like the little turtle he once was, which was so hesitant asking their father to join their childish activities, yet he knew the adult would not enjoy as much as they did, but the little Leo- and now the growing one - enjoyed having their father being there, feeling like the family is an entire unit like that.

Master Splinter bowed slightly as he turned back at his son.

„I’d pass, you boys have fun. I’d like to make some tea and sleep.” The old rat smiled, then went further in the kitchen, where after a small silence he already started scolding Raphael for having alcohol in the house and that exagerated amount and that if Casey is not a responbile friend, at least Raphael should know he should not consume that much, meanwhile Raphael arrogantly talked back.

Leonardo shook his head, then went to his two brothers, silently sitting on the couch.

„Could you decide?” he asked, both Don and Mikey flinched and they did not even notice Leo before.

„Well not really...the movie I wanted to see badly is too damaged, Don could take it from somewhere but that requires too much time, so we need to see something else. How do you feel about superhero movies?” Mikey grinned, glanced at Don and Leo, lifting a DVD.

„Boooriiing...” Donatello groaned.

„I don’t know. I guess I’m down for anything.” Leonardo shrugged.

„Last time you said that and we watched a movie, you got pissed at every „unmatching detail”....” Mikey said on an unamused tone.

Eventually Raphael came too, annoyed, threw the bowl of popcorn on the side chair for it for everyone to reach and threw the four beers on the couch between him and Leonardo and flopped on the other end of the couch sulking. Leo was staring at him calmly, Don and Mikey too, but then they went back on picking a movie. Raphael looked at his brothers, already opening a beer, eventually deciding to put the rest away on the side from the couch.

„Sup.” He grumbled as he chugged down half of the bottle.

„Ew, you still drink that?” Mikey grimaced.

„Well, we are still trying to pick a movie.” Don replied as he was dwelved in the pile.

„No horror, no gore, no comedy, no romance. Pick action with a lot of explosion and guns.” Raphael ordered, ignoring Mikey’s question.

„Ay ay!” Mikey responded, as he spoke further to Don.

Meanwhile Raphael watched them, but then glanced at Leo, then glanced away, clumsily pretending he was deep into his thoughts, when he saw Leo was looking at him with a faint smile. Raph frustratedly raised the bottle to his mouth and anxiously started to chug down the remaining content of the bottle, when Leo slid closer.

„What do you like about it that much?” Leo asked on a curious tone.

Raphael almost chocked, when felt Leo’s voice way too close for his comfort. He felt so tense, but he knew exactly why. He blamed Leo, he was more than sure Leo was teasing him consciously, yet he did not know how oblivious Leo was about the atmosphere he created by chance.

„The taste? It also helps digest better, like coke....at least fer me.” Raphael grumbled back, as he coughed a little and cleared his throat, still not looking at Leo. „Wanna try?” he asked, as he grabbed the next bottle and opened it, finally looking at Leo, reaching the bottle out to him.

Leo examined the bottle, slightly sniffed at it and made a face. Why would he even want to do that, but his mind was splitting into two parties, one, that strictly forbid him to act like that, if he takes the offer, he’ll show an awful example to his brothers, ruining his perfect big brother image and perfect leader image, but yet he had that eager feeling if he takes the offer, he will perhaps bond more with Raphael.

Stuck between the ideas, he looked at Raphael, as if seeking for opinion and help what to decide, but he rather got lost into that curious, luring gaze. Now he felt heating up a little, now the thought of bonding with Raphael was a yearning, pleading scream in his mind. Before Raphael lost his patience, he needed to decide. He bit his lower lip, thinking fast, suddenly having a great idea to somehow keep a balance between the two thoughts.

„Well, as the responsible one,  I will check what is this liquid you cherish so much, that does no good for you after all. However, I do want to understand your point of view too, as it is my duty to consider both parties and wanting the best for you all.” He said on a formal tone, but sounded like someone who is hard to be taken seriously, but it worked, at least for Mikey and Don, they were shocked at first, but then they chuckled and started whispering about how here it comes, Leo willingly taking alcohol and then turning into Master Splinter, scolding Raphael. They barely couldn’t wait for the bomb being dropped. Meanwhile Raphael could not be fooled, he blinked surprised, but then a wide grin spread on his face.

„Yeah, whateva ye say, bro.” he was grinning so hard he felt his face muscles sore.

Leo frowned at him scoldingly, but he eventually did grab the bottle, his heart was racing both from the excitement of something forbidden and that he made Raphael grin. The bonding idea worked better than expected, but his desires worsened towards his brother. He was the one to blame, he was the one guilty, not Raphael. At this point he knew and accepted this fact, he decided to let himself a bit free, at least for these moments, to let his mind take a break, finally, just a little bit....he eventually corrected his little sins now and will even more sooner or later. He knew he shouldn’t feel such extreme excitement from this, but he did and it felt incredible, although he knew it is not acceptable for him to feel so at all.

Leo did get a good sip of it, but as the strong and awful bubbly liquid sank down in his stomach, he reached the beer far away from himself, handing it back to Raphael with a face, now all his brothers were laughing at him.

„I think I’ll stay at tea....” Leo mumbled, as he wiped his mouth, desperately trying to get rid of the aftertaste, but eventually he ended up laughing with his brothers.

„Yeah, sometimes I drink to cheer Mr.Cuddles here..." Mikey pointed at Raph with his head with a cocky smirk" ... but I prefer to stay at soda or coke!” he grinned as he openly shared.

„Yes, I actually do like wine, though...the red one.” Donatello also opened up. "Thanked to Casey, I could actually taste some."

Leonardo blinked in shock. WHAT?! All this time his brothers were drinking something alcoholic and he was just being all oblivious about all this and sticked to the rules like a saint?!

Raphael grinned at Leo, there was something very satisfied about that grin, Leo grinned back clumsily, but their gazes locked for too long and Leo needed to look away.

”So, we watch something or..not?”

„Yeah, right! Let’s watch something random and at the end or we can hate it together or like it together.” Donatello suggested, Mikey immediately aprooving the idea, Leo shrugged, then glanced at Raphael to ask his opinion, but he froze, as now he realized Raphael was way too close to him, an arm wrapped around Leo’s shoulder and their faces inches away, Leo feeling Raphael’s hot breath on his lips.

„Want more...?” he grumbled on a suggestive tone with a suggesting expression, as he raised the bottle once more.

„I uh...I.....w-well...I....” Leo muttered, as his heart jumped in his throat, his face heating up, he even forgot to breathe for a moment, until he felt like suffocating.

Raphael blinked confused at him, then he realized he was leaned in way too close, so he fast leaned away, clumsily recollecting his posture and retreating from Leo’s personal space. He was grateful his skin was darker and had a red bandana, so that him blushing was harder to tell, while Leo’s blush was clear.

„Whatever....” Raph grumbled on an irritated tone, or at least acted like so, as he rather drank from the bottle himself.

The movie started, Mikey of course squished himself between Raph and Leo, Raph seemed disappointed for a moment and stubornly trying to squish Mikey’s ass out of the way, but he needed to give in and let Mikey settle between him and Leo so he won’t make anyone suspicious. He now was so curious. Leo’s face was so endearing again, so helpless, so puzzled, it just rose questions in Raphael. What if Leo.....

His thoughts were stolen, as Mikey’s hand was annoyngly waving in front of him. Raph did not realize he was staring at Leo’s direction. He nervously looked away, at the screen.

„You there, dude?” Mikey asked.

„Yeah, waitin’ for the show ta start.” Raphael grunted, then drank again.

Leo was still out of it, he still felt that hot stinky beer breath from Raphael and his musk and his closeness and body warmth was still lingering on Leo’s skin, sending ticklish frictions in his body, heating up in the wrong places. He did not notice the other was still staring at him and Mikey got between them and Don flopped on his other side. Leo was just staring at the ground with widened eyes, then glanced up at the screen, swallowing hard. This was bad, he was guilty and disgusting. He needed to recollect himself right now and forget it all, especially forgetting the popping up fantasies and memories of exploration, imagining Raphael there. The pressure of want was making him feel stressed and dizzy, so he needed to calm himself and accept the thought, that tonight he is going to allow himself to explore his body again. He closed the sheer of thoughts and frustrations with that and finally calmed himself and focused on the movie or rather absorbing the pleasant presence of his brothers, that they were together, like a family, sharing a mutual experience, even if the movie was crappy, all that meant something for Leo - that meant a lot to him -  was that they were all well and together.

As the movie ended, they got up, stretching their sore limbs, the popcorn was finished and the drinks were also finished off, since Don brought in some other drinks, than just Raph’s beer.

„Dude, this was deep, tho! All those epic fight scenes and all, that Johnny boy kicked ass, man!” Mikey said as he stretched.

„Yes, he did seem to have a difficult life.”  Leo nodded, as he was collecting the junk.

„Myeah, also the techniques were developed nice and the handles of the guns.” Donatello went off with the scientific analysis as he helped Leo.

„It’s okay, guys, I will clean up, you go to bed now, it’s very late and tomorrow we need to wake up early.” Leo assured his brothers and tried to rush them off to have a moment of silence.

Donatello and Mikey eventually obliged, but Raphael was still sitting on the couch, finishing his last beer. Leo watched him with a scolding expression, waiting for Raphael finally to realize he was also sent off to bed, but Raphael stubbornly ignored and waited for Don and Mikey to retreat, then he spoke up.

„Wanna hang out?”

„No, it is bedtime. Tomorrow. We agreed to go out tomorrow.” Leo said firmly.

Raphael frowned disappointed. After another moment of silence:

„What happened to yer night visists?”

Leonardo blinked surprised. After their argument about it, he did stopped his night partols and it was shocking how Raphael kept in mind.

„I realized myself too, that you don’t need „babysitting”, so I stopped.” Leo finally said as he tried to figure out how to grab all the bottles, but eventually decided to place them in the bowl for better handling.

„That doesn’t mean ye need to stop, ‘cause I said that…”

Leo didn’t answer, but he kept the thought, as he grabbed the last junk, cleaning thoroughly, ignoring as Raphael was staring at him. Leo tensed up by reflex, when he felt Raphael getting up and walking behind him, he also straightened up.

“You should go to bed.” Leo said on a kind of warning tone.

“Lemme help.” Raphael grumbled, but the gesture wasn’t appropriate at all. He reached out with his arms at the two sides of Leo, trapping Leo between his arms, hesitantly, slowly reaching at Leo’s hands to grab the bowl, as he also stepped closer. He lost control, he just acted out. He was curious and Leo was frozen.

Leo’s heart was pumping in his throat again, as he followed the movements of Raphael’s hands to his with widened eyes. He shivered uncontrollably for a moment, when he felt Raphael’s chin lightly brush to his shoulder. His mind went blank from nervousness, he just froze there, he did not understand what was happening, he was puzzled and felt sudden heat washing over his body. One thing was in his mind constantly with a red flag: Raphael was behind him and way too close, almost like in those fantasies. Leo’s breathing stopped for a moment again, as felt Raphael’s hand brushing and locking on his, both of them starting at their hands like that shocked and confused

After a long moment of being clumsy and silly like that, Leo finally came to his senses, yanked the bowl away and stepped away from Raphael, rather turning at him to confront him about it.

“Raph!” all he managed to say in his nervousness, trying to sound scolding.

Raphael was still starting at his own hands, then glanced at Leo with a wondering expression.

“I don’t need any help, I can manage to grab a few bottles and bowls by myself, thank you. You need to sleep…you….you are probably drunk too at this point, so go get some sleep!” Leonardo sounded more convincing and firm now, frowning at Raphael, yet squirming in one place awkwardly.

“I’m not drunk…” Raphael grumbled on a husky tone, his voice sounding stable.

“I don’t care. Go and sleep.” Leonardo said on a serious, demanding tone, getting serious, his voice deepening, once again being the fearless leader.

Raphael rolled his eyes, kicked some DvD boxes annoyed, then went at his room grumbling swears, punching the wall a few times, then slamming his door. Leonardo followed Raph’s movements with his gaze, then sighed, as he flopped on the couch, the bottles clunking together in the bowl, placed on his lap. He looked down, needed a moment to silence his mind to the silence of the lair. He tried to comprehend the gesture directed at him by Raphael from before. He wanted to convince himself Raphael was just drunk. Yes, definitely it can be blamed on that stinky alcohol he likes so much. He frowned at the bottles. But then he closed his eyes. No matter how much he tried to blur the facts, Raphael was not drunk, he intentionally acted how he acted. Leonardo clenched his teeth together. What if his guilty self was surfacing too much, what if Raphael realized something somehow and now he maybe was trying to check if he was right and finally tried to reveal Leo in front of everybody, that he is secretly disgusting and Raph’s dreams would come true, finally making the fearless, perfect leader look awful. Leonardo frowned, he indeed needed to go out and find out more about Raphael, he did not want any trouble than there already was between them. Eventually he cleaned up and then went to his room to sleep. Just as he undressed and was ready for finishing up his night routines, he heard knocks on his door. He jumped up from his bed and opened the door. He blinked and eyes widened as his gaze met with Raphael’s in the dark.

Raphael sighed, leaned against the doorway.

“Hey, jus’ wanted to say sorry…”

“About…?”

Raph sighed, looked away.

“Let’s not repeat last time argument. Will we…still go out tomorrow?”

Leonardo tilted his head, then couldn’t help but smile. Raphael could be so adorable sometimes, Mikey was right.

“Of course, that’s how we agreed, right?” Leo said on a soft whispery tone.

“Right….just made sure…” a moment of silence “Ye seemed angry moments ago, so….” He awkwardly scratched the back of his head, he was still dressed.

“So you thought I’m going to sulk in my room and ignore you, pretending I forgot we had an agreement.” Leonardo finished the sentence, his smile turned into a smirk rather.

“Mhm…yeah…somethin’ like that…” Raph squirmed awkwardly, not lifting his gaze back at Leo. “Sooo……we’re good?”

“Yep, all good, no worries.” Leo felt like patting Raph’s arm reassuringly, but just awkwardly reached his hand out, then retreated before doing anything, Raphael misunderstanding the gesture, he straightened up and went on for an embrace.

“Oufh…” Leo gave out a gasping noise, as he bumped into Raphael from the rough hug, wasn’t prepared for it at all, so it took him some time to hug back, both adjusting for a more comfortable position.

It was a long lasting embrace again, Leonardo instantly feeling like heating up again. This embrace washed away all his negative judgments about Raphael. Maybe Raphael did not actually know Leo had “secret disgusting fantasies” about him after all and did not want to reveal and shaming anything and anyone. This time Leo got lost in the embrace and barely realized Raphael was trying to awkwardly pull away.

“Well, then….” Leo abruptly ended the embrace, as he was embarrassedly squirming in one place, feeling even worse, when Raphael was just doing the same.

“Yeah…” Raphael grumbled, feeling like his arms are on the way suddenly, as they had no place after the embrace.

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, until Raphael finally waved and rushed back to his room. Leo could not help, but smile, as he closed his door and slumped on his bed. He sighed and closed his eyes, instantly falling asleep. Exploring needs to wait for later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter also, reactions appreciated as always! Sorry if this is going too slow, but I really felt like adding these details for this story, what is going on in Leo's mind and in Raphael's mind, but at the same time I didn't want to brush aside the rest of their family, because they are very present in their lives too and yeah x3  
> P.S. I imagined them watching the movie John Wick x3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is, finally some progression, huh x3 I promise we will get to some deeper parts, but I really felt like taking time building up for that!~ I am curious what you thing hehe x3 I could not help myself but to bring back some humor! It is the first kiss in the millionth of interpretation for this lovely pair <3 I smells OTP

It was still way too early. 3 AM and Leo couldn’t sleep. He was tossing and turning in his bed, he felt too warm. He sighed, he got up to get some water. It didn’t help he was dreaming about Raphael slowly rubbing his own crotch sexually on Leo’s bed, with an inviting look. Leonardo never had such dirty dreams, the least he wanted was the fantasies haunt him in his dreams too. No matter how much he drank some water and went and rinsed his face with cold water, he was horny and he certainly had a kind of erection. So much for postponing the exploring. He couldn’t help the situation, than to just go back to his room and try to focus to keep it down and get into a comfortable position. He sighed pleased, as he closed his eyes, while starting to slowly please himself. In no time he gained a full erection and sped up his hand. He brushed his free hand through his plastron and side and thigh, he needed to adjust his position to reach lower. Even now he felt embarrassed for wanting to actually try things with his hole. He decided to close it out all and just let it flow, the sweetness of pleasure and ecstasy. The only problem was that it hurt, it wasn’t as fun being dry. He grunted annoyed, the whole situation being spoiled. He then silently snuck out to the bathroom, looking around paranoid, as he silently turned on the shower, closing every door possible. Well, definitely was a better idea. Here, as the warm water flowed down on his body, he could even let out small whispery sounds, as it felt incredible, once again the two sensations paired together.

“Mph….” he groaned silently, as his cheek was roughly pushed to the tiles, ass pushed out. Wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was enough to get where needed. His eyes were closed and tongue stuck out in concentration. He wanted to go a bit farther, what if he actually forced a finger in there. He actually managed eventually, water helping a lot. “Hngh!” his eyes widened and he accidentally bit down on his tongue, as surprising friction stroke through his body, when managed to push a finger between tight muscles. “Fuck…” he grumbled annoyed, as once more the intensity of the pleasure was lightened by the stinging pain on his tongue. He frowned and looked down, angry at his own self. This was the most awkward he could get. He sighed, closed his eyes and unintentionally fantasies flowed through his mind how Raph could ease his frustrations, hands on Leo’s body and that pleased smirk, that he gave Leo when Leo tried the beer. It calmed Leo’s mind again, he was pleased that the smile, that smile was his. That smile of Raphael’s was his. It was meant for him. The selfish possessive thoughts pushed him forward. He tried again, one more combining to two sensations, this time making sure to keep that damn tongue inside. He clenched his teeth to hold back moans, as he finally reached the sweet release his body was yearning for. He panted silently, satisfied.

After recollecting himself he finally went back to bed, being out for a few more hours, until he was woken up by Mikey that it was training time. Leo felt annoyed and embarrassed how could he let his mind being taken over the selfish fantasies of his, although he felt amazing and very refreshed, the guilt was pressuring him. He couldn’t even look at Raphael the whole training session and acted confusing towards the other brother with ignorance, as he was rather focused on Mikey and Dontello. He couldn’t help it, he was indeed actually inspired and refreshed. He was curious, he wanted to grow his knowledge, that is other than the perfect brother, the perfect leader. He wanted to know trends, which Mikey was more than willing to show, all the stupid nonsense short videos called vines and the stupid joked called memes, and the fail videos, Leo couldn’t believe how silly humans can be sometimes, then he rather kept the thought for himself remembering they were no better. He was way worse in so many ways. He sighed.

“What? Why aren’t you laughing? Do these make you sad? You have weird reactions, man.” Mikey tilted his head confused as he stopped the video.

“Ah, it’s nothing. The cat videos are nice, or the animal ones in general.” Okay, so meanwhile he discovered he realized things about himself. He liked animals, but maybe it was stupid to scratch that up as a keyword in his mind to the “Freetime” section. Maybe it was a stupid idea, since they were animals too in a way, turtles, mutants, but still turtles, so maybe that’s why he felt closer to animals. Although he noticed Mikey could relate to humans more, Raph seemed like that way too, always fascinated by some human-made styles, like slangs that he consciously developed to himself and used and that’s why starting to have slangs and accents, that could be avoidable, but no matter how much their father tried to reteach him how to speak properly, Raphael stubbornly kept imitating accents and slangs from movies and speeches he heard from above. Eventually Master Splinter gave up and let Raphael express himself that way, since also his brothers found it cool or funny. Leonardo found himself not to relate so much to basic humans. Or rather said, he did, but he had a strict lists of expectations. He was rather seeking for the ones that did big things in their lives, who were amazing role models for the others, like philosophers, scientists, good role models in life, poets, writers, good idol starts, characters etc. However, he could also add such things to his basic liking list, such as like sports, iconic people from sports, he actually really enjoyed talking about those, then there was his little secret culinary interest, he also many times found himself talking about gardening with Master Splinter. The rat teaching him a lot about herbs. It was actually very useful. He also learned a lot from Donatello.

Surprisingly, even if Leo was way too busy with the rest of the family and spending times with each of them, Raphael also let Leo be, he did not pester him or glared at him or be annoyed. He sometimes just observed by watching what were discussions about, sometimes having a sarcastic comment attached to things and then just retreat in his room or somewhere else. It was pleasant. Noone bothered anyone and Leo felt so free like never before. After spars and outside patrols and actually getting involved in a suspicious case of some criminals, they retreated back in the lair again, Mikey fooling around with Raphael again, listening to music with the new upgraded and repaired radio Donatello made. This time Leo decided to join too, not so hesitantly.

“Yo, bro, what music do you like?” Mikey directed his question at Leo.

Leo blinked surprised. Now that was a good question. A question he repressed in himself over and over again. He timidly shrugged.

“Well I don’t know, guess.” He said eventually, folding his arms, challengingly smirked at Mikey.

Mikey grinned back, meaning he accepted the challenge, Don and Raph just curiously observed.

“If I figured out what Raph and Don likes, I can guess yours too! I mean, I am speaking about having a uuuhhhh general liking? Like, you know, we can all like different stuffs, but there are beats that wet our pants…..well shells, but you get it, dude!”

“Mikey!” Leo shouted scoldingly.

Don laughed out loudly, Raphael just grinned with that “suspicious” grin again. Leo felt uneasy from that smile each time it appeared.

“What?! It’s not that we’re 8 years old now! It’s a thing and we all know it. Anyways, I thiiiink you liiiikkkeeee…hmmmmmm….” Mikey leaned in close at Leo’s face, who was about to scold him more, but he was caught off guard, when Mikey was thoroughly examining him. After a very long moment of examination, making Leo feeling awkward, especially since Don and Raphael were whispering something at the back and chuckling. Mikey eventually walked on the center, making a very dramatic pose, pointing at Leo.

“Traditional Japanese music is the main and then maybe some classical music and ……maybe some depressed indie, ska, alternative….? You know those songs with heavy lyrics.”

Leo blinked, actually all stood silent, waiting for Leo’s reaction.

“Weeeeelll, I do like to learn to play on the shamisen….but I don’t actually like Classical that much, I think one needs a certain type of mood to it…” Leo eventually admitted, shrugging again.

“Damn it!” Mikey punched the air.

“I uh…..I like the softer tunes too…electronic sounding softer tunes….” Leo mumbled silently, looking away, not sure why he felt embarrassed admitting that. He did not consciously noticed he admitted it loudly, rather thought to himself.

“Oh?” Don blinked interested.

“Like what?” Raphael also asked curiously.

Mikey still did not admit he wasn’t guessing well.

“No wait! I’ll guess! Kpop?” Mikey shouted.

Leo tilted his head.

“What is that?”

“Korean Pop Music. They do have some cheerful, but soft tunes too.” Donatello explained. “Not sure what is your definition of soft.”

“Can be figured out later. Fearless has refined taste, since bein’ perfect, so now that we got that out of the way, how ‘bout we get over the last training, time is kinda runnin’ late.” Raphael eventually interrupted a bit impatiently.

“Wow, eager to show off?” Mikey teased.

“Maybe…” Raphael grumbled, as he glanced at Leo.

Leo actually was surprised how the day passed by so quickly and was actually late evening and they still have one more training session to go before evening routines and bedtime. He actually tensed up and stressed out, when remembered after all this, he is going to go out with Raphael, as promised. And at the time, Raphael glancing at him like that wasn’t the best either. He misinterpreted the suggestive gaze as a challenging one, or at least so he forced his mind to go, which he didn’t find it a good idea. The least he wanted to do was getting into an argument with Raphael, when the main goal was to bond with him too. Luckily Mikey did not notice anything, Donatello, however, seemed to glance at the two of them with a wondering expression.

“Yes, training time! One, two, in the dojo, now!” Leo clapped and pulled out his strict leader voice as he ordered, not letting any more room for Don to think or Raphael to linger around or Mikey to fool around.

It really wasn’t intentional to drive his brothers and himself to their limits, but he did manage to lead off a very tough training session, by the time they finished, they all were arguing who to shower first and complaining how everything felt sore. Raphael rather seemed okay and being very silent. As night came and bedtime was closer and closer, Raphael grew more and more impatient, flashing glances at Leonardo, as kept reassuring the other about their agreement non-verbally, yet Leo tried to keep dodging it before Mikey or anyone asks them what was happening. Somehow he didn’t feel comfortable being interrogated why, where is he going with Raphael. He did not have answers for these questions even for himself. All he knew that they misunderstood each other and these meeting would help to bond and clear out misunderstandings. This is all what is was about. As bedtime came nearer, he tried to have more time to himself, training and meditating as much as he could, as he tried to close out the butterflies in his stomach and rather recollect himself to have a script in his head about the whole second meeting with Raphael at night, outside. The lair. He needed to make a script step by step and also not mentally for possible holes for spontaneous changes of plans. Eventually there were so many, considering Raphael and his impossible reactions, that he gave up with the details and rather sticked to the bulletpoints.

After it was bedtime and he made sure it was all silence and everyone was in bed, he snuck up to Raph’s room and gently knocked at the door. Raphael opened the door without hesitation and headed forward without any agreement and questioning or waiting for any orders, which Leonardo prepared in his mind. Leo blinked confused, frozen in place, but then gave up with the ordering plan and just followed Raphael. At first he barely could keep up with the other, he was so eager and fast. It surprised Leo how eager Raphael was about all this, but he assumed Raphael was just eager to be on top at night again.

“Hey, wait up!” Leo finally called out, as they climbed the closest building, unintentionally deciding to go to the same spot as before. Raphael was already sitting close to the edge of the building, patting the free space beside him, suggesting for Leo to sit there. Leo gave out a faint smile as he shook his head. He walked up to Raph and sat down beside him. After a long time of silence and just taking in the fresh air and view and the pleasant atmosphere of the night, Leo finally spoke up.

“I know you are very eager to be outside and most likely have other plans in mind, but please don’t let us forget why are we here. We should sit and talk.”

“I did not have anything in mind. You call the shots.” Raphael shrugged.

“Oh…okay, well….hope you remember, that we supposed to have a goal, and that is to figure out something as how to bring harmony between us and in our family.” Leo continued on a firm tone.He waited for a moment for a reaction or a reassuring, but since he got none, he continued, trying to rehearse and say what he made up in his mind. “ As mentioned before, I believe we misunderstand each other a lot. I think we should figure that out first. What do you think?” he glanced at Raphael.

“Yeah, sure. So what now?” Raphael grumbled, still absent-minded.

Leo sighed.

“I can’t emphasize enough that this is not just about me, it’s about you as well and I really need you to contribute to this. I can’t decide everything on my own!” Leo almost sounded complaining.

Raphael frowned slightly, Leo waited as Raph seemed like wondering.

“Look, I’m not really good at this. How about we start with questions. Ask.” Raphael shrugged, looking down, bringing an end of his bandana forward and playing with it.

“Very well, then.” Leo nodded, then also looked down as he took his time to think things through. After a long wondering he finally lifted his head. “Before, when we….had our arguments….” Cleared his throat slightly, he really didn’t want to anger Raphael, but he wanted to know. “You told me something like….you don’t see me as a brother…?” he glanced at Raphael. He kind of regretted dropping that heavy question so soon. It did hit Raphael. His eyes widened, he still kept staring down at the streets. He actually forgot he confessed such thing to Leo before.

“W-well….Sometimes!! I said sometimes!” Raphael tried to find excuses, he starting to feel nervous.

“Can you tell me what did you mean by that…please?” Leo tried to use as soft tone as possible, somehow implying he was not angry or anything, he just wanted to know.

“None of your business…” Raphael grumbled, looking away.

Leo sighed, he actually got annoyed. It DID concern him as it was ABOUT him.

“Oookay, let’s leave that be for now, then.” Leo grumbled on a colder tone, then fell silent trying to come up with a lighter question.

“Ya just wouldn’t understand…” Raph grumbled silently in the silence.

“I want to. You just don’t let me.”

“Noone would….” Raph grumbled on a defeated tone, releasing his grip from the bandana end, hand falling on his lap. “It’s something…..well I didn’t mean it like offendin’ ya or anythin’.”

“Well, it did sound hurtful, you know.” Leo mumbled still on an emotionless tone. He really did try to keep his mind straight.

Raphael rolled his eyes, sighed, then fell silent, avoiding to look at Leo.

“Besides, last time I also told you how I am not really into being the awesome guy around, I have a reason to be like how I need to be. You did not tell me anything after that. I mean, before you told me to not be so…egoistic. Does that statement still stay, or…-“

“Can we just leave this fuckin’ sink a bit more fer next time and now jus’…hang out?” Raphael interrupted on an irritated tone.

Leo fell silent, wondering still with an emotionless expression.

“I don’t like it when yer like this. Yer better when yer….like today.” Raph grumbled.

“Hm?” Leo blinked, an emotion of curiosity flashing through his face.

“Ya seemed so....loose. Not so fuckin’ uptight as if someone stuck up a pole in yer ass.”

Leo laughed out loudly and nervously for a moment, overreacting the statement unintentionally, as guilt fell on him with full force, crushing him with embarrassment and guilt, as he was harshly reminded how he actually had something up in his ass before, like, literally and also was fantasizing about the fellow sitting just beside him.

“Yeah well….there are days, I guess.”

“Woulda wish there were more of this day….” Raph said, then looked at Leo, swallowed a bit. The irritation subsided and fell that curiosity again, wanting to get closer to Leo. H really wasn’t good holding his urges or feelings back properly. “…and more of these nights…” he grumbled, his voice smoothening, he actually felt warming up, as he really tried to imply an awkward flirt.

Leo felt puzzled, needed a moment to recollect himself, he stared at Raph, blinked, then looked down with a slight frown, not understanding while he felt sudden heat rising in him. Something was off with that gaze of Raph’s. But after all, he is the one to be blamed. He felt like he is not professional about this enough. He supposed to support Raphael more in order to get more information out of him, but instead he ended up falling in Raphael’s game of dodging confrontations and ignoring criticism about certain situations all in all. Important situations and goals, that were now all brushed under a rug or postponing. Leo needed to not to self to not let Raphael escape from this forever. No matter how much he tried to buy some time, they would sooner or later get answer to the questions, especially that one, that bothered Leo the most, the :”sometimes I don’t see you as a brother.” one.

“So….ye don’t like beer, huh.” Raphael grinned, leaning a bit closer to Leo, leaning on one hand.

“Well, no, not really. Not because it is an alcoholic drink, but because of the taste, I believe. Also I think I’m not a fan of bubbly…gassy liquids.” Leo grimaced.

Raph chuckled, then got his suspicious smirk out again.

“There are smoother ones, maybe we just need to find The One.”

“Oh wow, you sound like a pro.” Leo actually allowed himself to tease back, that seemed to please Raph.

“Had a couple….” He shugged.

“So you like to live a dangerous life, huh?” Leo smirked, Raph wished that to be interpreted as a flirt back.

“Yup, seems like it.” Raph grinned back, maybe it was just him, but he really preferred to believe the temperature was rising between them.

Maybe he wasn’t far from the truth eventually, since Leo felt it to, but he tried to recollect himself and keep his composure as much as possible.

“Yeah, well you were always that one little turle, who did what should not be done.” Then Leo jumped up, going a bit further away from the edge, jumping around in place, playfully imitating a small Raphael from the memories, being all tough.”Lemme at ‘em, lemme at ‘em!”

Raphael sniggered, also getting up, then also fought back by imitating a small Leo being dramatic about soap.

And then they flopped down laughing and started the never ending “remember when we…” nostalgy.

It all went pleasant, Leo actually felt like bonding with Raphael, reflecting back on the past actually helped him collect some information how was Raphael seeing things and how was Leo seeing them. He was actually curious about even more, he ignored the heat building up in him and the want to get physical with Raphael, just in any way. The thought made him panic, but he covered it all up by smiled and reactions he assumed that would please Raph. Although he really cherished the passing night hours with Raphael like this, he enjoyed the playfulness, the fooling around, but the building up urges and wants did not let him rest. The heat, the want did not let his mind rest and he was politely waiting for a pause to offer for Raphael to go home. They paused at a kind of current memory, that they both found silly, it was rather about Mikey. Leo smiled and was taking advantage of the moment to silence his mind, however his mind just completely shut down.

They were fine. Everything was fine and dandy.  Only the internal screaming would stop, it was painful, it was too much, he almost felt like a dry sobbing feeling burst out of him, but he held it all back. But then everything went out of his control.

It just happened.

Raphael was being awkward for a good while, as if wanting to tell something, but needed more time to do so, so his frustration and hesitation was pretty much visible, but Leo pretended he did not see it, he had enough problems of his own anyways.

But then it was just there. Just happening right there out of both of their control.

It really was not intentional, Raph tried to think so, but the thoughts were no more. Leo was right there being sweet and he was eager. And as usual, too sensitive about feelings and passion, and there he was, having a stupid thought, and then instead of retreating, he acted out.

It was all over.

It was all there.

It supposed to be just a thought. A stupid fantasy that can be thought about later in the solitude of his room, ignoring the fact that his mind was pushing for the “go for it!”

And then it just happened. He wanted to go physical, he had no damn clue it was that bad. He just acted out and just leaned at Leo with no more hesitation. He just couldn’t help it anymore, his patience was over.

Raphael, in the spur of good vibes and laugh, and basking in the sweet smile of Leo, he leaned in for a kiss. Little did he imagined, that instead of being smacked away instantly – as Leo easily could have done it – he was roughly hugged in, embraced in, welcomed in, his daring and stupid ever move being soothed with mutual awkward eagerness. And then there they were, no more distance between them. It was The Moment.

And it was a complete failure.

It was everything, but a proper kiss. At first they didn’t even get their lips together, just awkwardly pressing lips to skin, cheek, nose, whatever it got on the way, until they finally found each other’s lips and even then one was hesitant, but welcoming,  the other was awkwardly passionate and had no clue how is a kiss done properly, but went for it anyways.

One thing was for sure, he heat and the feeling was mutual and now none of them could deny it. It was there, then, actually happening. Sloppy, stupid, yet so pleasing and exciting and yet so taboo.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!” Leo finally tried to push Raph away, felt like burning up, his heart racing in his throat, gasping for air both because of the too much excitement his body was unable to process properly and from the silly sloppy kissing that left him breathless.

“Huh…..?” Raph couldn’t even respond with enough shock, he was completely air-headed from the kiss and from the satisfying closeness he got. And it wasn’t just a fantasy.

Leo pulled away properly, pulling his legs up and resting elbows on knees as he hid burning face in his palms.

“Oh shell,….what were we even…?!” he said in agony, after a long moment of silence.

Raphael just slumped in place, staring down at his lap, he still couldn’t get over the fact that they kissed, he was actually extremely happy.

“Kissin’…?” he asked, as he glanced at Leo.

“Do you even call that kissing?! That was rather eating each others’ faces off!” Leo complained, as if that was the world’s biggest problem. Then he sighed genuinely upset. “Sheesh…this……we’re disgusting…” he mumbled, panic and guilt washing through him, mentally scolding himself for letting this be allowed, on the other hand he was still confused how did this even happen. All he could recall was, was a very strong emotion and urge and then Raphael was there and he was yearning for Raphael to be close to him, just anyhow, but just be close, as if he was attracted to him like a magnet.

Raph snorted girnning pleased. Well, he still wasn’t smacked.

“Yup, we are. I don’t think anyone saw any…handsome or beautiful mutants ‘round here.” He said playfully, but then his grin faded, when he saw the horror and shock on Leo’s face.

Raph sighed, then looked up.

“I’m….sorry…this shouldn’t supposed to happen….this …is not something that supposed to happen…oh shell…” Leo mumbled as he massages his temples. This was way too much to take in and deal with.

Raph stayed silent, they both fell silent, the awkwardness and frustration really killed the mood.

“So ya like to read….?”Raph asked after a long moment of silence, trying to lighten the mood.

“Mhm.” Leo mumbled, at this point not being able to do anything much than just feel defeated and go along.

“What do ye like to read about?” Raph asked with actual genuine curiosity.

“Well….I like certain poems, but I rather like to read about sports, techniques, traditions, …I mean culture in general and the art of ninjutsu, obviously. There’s a book I also really enjoy and reread..” Leo eventually felt more eased up as he talked and thought about a preferred hobby of his. He always was the book collector beside Don, however Don went on with technology and Leo losing a reading buddy, he still kept up with reading.

“What do you think ‘bout magazines?”

“Hm, well they do have more visuals and less details in writing, though, but I guess there are some good ones….” Leo scratched the back of his neck.

“I have some cool ones. There was this box I found when we were younger, with sensei. It was full with these old magazines, ‘bout vehicles and how ya build a gun, ‘n then there’s one ‘bout ships that were amazing, but sank, like Titanic, I bet ya heard ‘bout Titanic.”

“Yes, of course I did, we watched the movie together.” Leo actually managed to give out a faint smile, stress dissolving for now.

“Yeah, but the movie wasn’t that good, ‘cause it was ‘bout romance….” Raph grumbled. It was actually always difficult to hide from his brothers that he actually really enjoyed romantic movies. Those deep ones. ”Anyways, if yer interested, I can show ya some of those magz….”

“Yeah, that would be nice.” Leo nodded, he was actually interested in them, especially because they were old and he was curious when were they compiled and given out, also wondered who possessed them and why was it thrown out. Well at least his brother cherished them as they deserved and probably would make the previous owner happy to know. Having the thought, he actually looked at Raph and smiled at him.

Raph stared at Leo, smiling back clumsily, then looked away.

“Gee, stop or I’m gonna eat yer face off again…” he grumbled, then he smacked a hand on his face. Why was he saying that out loud.

“S-sorry….” Leo felt his face heating up again, looking away with awkward, widened eyes. Raph’s bluntless got him kept off of guard more than he could predict and that was a problem. Then there was the frustration as why was Raphael so calm about this, but he was too afraid to ask.

“Shit, no, I’m sorry….” Raphael grumbled, as he brushed a hand over his face.

“It’s…it’s okay. I guess we’re just too tired. We should head back and sleep and everything will be fine tomorrow, okay?” Leo finally offered.

“But I don’t wanna….” Raphael whined, stubbornly folding his arms.

“But Raph, it’s very late…or rather early and we need to go back and wake up and go through the day….and you know how grumpy you get, when you’re tired…”

“But Leeeooo, look how cool it is here outside. We’re cool out here like this. We should stay out a lil’ bit more, then we go.”

Leo sighed.

“Raph, no. Come on.” Leo actually got up.

“No…” Raphael grumbled on a sulking tone.

“Oh for…Raphael. We need, to go.” Leo tried on a more assertive tone.

“Nah-ah.” Raph shook his head, sulking further, still sitting.

“Raph…”

“No. No Raph.”

“Raphael…”

“Don’t call my name, don’t call my name, Leonardooo...” Raphael tried an awful attempt of singing Lady Gaga’s Alejandro.

Leo facepalmed.

“Raph, you’re acting ridiculous…”

“Five more mins, kay? Can ya grant me that much, oh Fearless?”

Leo frowned, then sighed, sitting down. Why was Raph torturing both of them like this, why couldn’t he understand this was not right. Why was he so chill about it on the first place. Leo was too tired and drained to think too much, so he just closed his eyes, relaxing, almost falling into a snooze of meditation, but when heard Raph making a slight movement, he abruptly opening his eyes, frowning at the other warning, suggesting that although he had closed eyes, he was aware of his surroundings and he kept track of Raphael’s suspicious movements. Raph blinked at Leo, then cleared his throat, leaning closer.

“We don’t tell ‘bout that, kay?”

“About what?” Leo asked on an unintentional cold tone.

“That we can’t kiss properly…”

Leo’s eyes widened. Stupid Raphael, couldn’t he just understand this was too much to take in, all this body heat changing was tiring, yet so pleasant.

“Shell, no kidding. Noone has to know.” Leo frowned.

“Guess we need to practice..?” Raph asked hesitantly, looking at Leo, waiting for a reaction.

“Excuse me?!” Leo leaned away sensing suspicion.

Raph grinned pleased, then jumped up.

“Let’ go.” He grumbled, then without any confirmation, he already made a few skilled jumps and he was already falling off of the rooftop.

Leo still blinked shocked, then with a tired groan he got up and chased back to the lair, last stop was a sleepy blackout in his bed. The last thought in his mind was whether this was all a dream before the day they go out even happens. Just a stupid, selfish, bad dream.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's late and tomorrow I have to go to work hehe ^^" Anyways, here is another chapter! Things are happening, huh~  
> Will we ever have these two admit they love each other? TTvTT  
> I'm also sorry for any typos, I'll make sure to reread and correct as fast as I can, just i was so eager to post this chapter without causing any delays!

After a good sleep, Leo woke up with a very calm mind. Even he couldn’t understand why he was so calm. He was still pretty much aware what happened between him and Raphael. Yet he was so calm. His mind was so empty. He supposed to feel angry or shocked or frustrated or sad. Blaming himself, feeling guilty for what he just let to happen, blame himself, then blame Raphael, then just be a coward turtle hiding in his shell, the mind-shell he built up to be so thick and tough, that no one could reach behind it. None of those turmoils happened in him. No drama happened in his mind. He supposed to quickly cover all in his mind, fast, as if nothing happened and pretend clueless around Raph. He supposed to sit down, meditate and think about it more. He really wasn’t kissing Raphael like a brother, nor having the brotherly feelings. Maybe he really was selfish. Maybe he was allowing himself way too much to be this way. Or maybe he didn’t have the right emotions and mind to react accordingly to the situation. The hurricane was silent for now. He did not feel any emotional tiredness, nor any forceful feelings that would pressure him to close up, shut down emotionally and start rationalizing what is right and what is wrong, like a true good leader and mature big brother should do. He was eerily content.

And he lived with the present. With the Now. And the Now was good.

Leo prepared for the daily routines. He actually thought to offer for his brothers if they want to get a little wild and just go out with the truck. He made tea for their father, took it to the rat’s room and then also made some for himself. He froze for a moment by reflex, as he felt someone else’s presence. He somehow really wanted it to be Raph. It would be nice to see him as it’s just the two of them and no one has to see. But as he turned, it was rather a completely exhausted Donatello.

“Good morning.” Leo said on a plain tone and emotionless expression, as he examined the other turtle, then frowned. “You did not sleep an inch, now did you?” his voice sounded very strict and he actually got annoyed, as the tired brother flinched. He was right and he hated to be right about this. “How many times do we need to talk about this over and over?! Why can’t you just…..understand, out of all your family members, you supposed to understand the best why you need to rest!” he started to scolding.

Donatello silently sat down to the table, he could not look at Leo’s face, just staring at the table ashamed.

“Sorry…” he mumbled silently.

Leo did not say any more words. He fell silent. Donatello hated that. It was cold and merciless. It did have the effect what Leo wanted. It did make the other feel awful and miserable in front of the fearless leader. At the beginning Donatello tried with clever excuses and sometimes managed to win the verbal fight with Leo, but after a time Leo did not even let him speak up anymore. He knew Leonardo was right and he wanted the best for him, but the punishment he needed to face was a bit too pressuring sometimes.

Leonardo made sure Donatello wasn’t drinking coffee that morning, he did not say anything, just snatching the mug from the other, instead he gave him tea, then when the time came, as they gathered in the dojo, Leonardo spoke up with a frown.

“Thanked to your dearest genius brother, we will not have the morning training and we will not go out on a patrol. Mikey, Raph, you are free to spar, I will also accompany you, Donatello, you are dismissed and you will rest. “ his sharp glare gave no place for talking back.

Donatello sighed embarrassed. Mikey and Raph were staring at Leo, then at Don, then Raph back at Leo, while Mikey grinned and patted Don’s shoulder.

„Awesome, dude, you should do this more often, so we skip training!”

„Mikey!” Leo scolded, he somehow unintentionally dodged Raph’s gaze.

Little did he know that irritated Raph to the core. Raph wasn’t sleeping much either, but since he usually frowned a lot, it wasn’t as visible as on Don. He was more grumpy this time, since he barely slept, then he couldn’t sleep, because he couldn’t make his mind rest, just thinking about Leo’s lips and embrace and his sweet smiles, eventually a fast jerk off helped to rest, but then morning came fast and it was time to wake up again. He was very irritable and grumpy. He wanted to just rant about everything and everyone, be left alone, then wanted to be night and doing forbidden things with Leo. However, he had no idea how Leo felt. He made that annoying emotionless expression, the hard-to-read face. And then, on top of all that, he ignored Raph’s gaze, yet Raph was seeking for a little comfort. Raph barely could hold his temper back, he gritted his teeth, he would so punch Leo at this point, then kiss him all over, that it just annoyed the very soul out of him. He was more than convinced Leo regretted everything yesterday and now their little sneak outs at nights were over, Raph getting closer to Leo was over, not to mention fantasies ever happening were completely over. All hope lost. All because Leo was an asshole, an egoistic brat, who was too perfect to everything and everyone.

“I’m off.” Raph finally grunted, then he stormed out of the dojo, in his room.

The others looked after him surprised, then Leo sighed.

“Okay, now what’s his problem…?” he tiredly massaged his temple.

“Just the usual?” Mikey shrugged. “He seems upset. Did you had a fight again?” Mikey tilted his head, looking at Leo with a curious, nosy grin.

“Just…..can you wait here, Mikey? I’ll escort Don and …check Raph and we will have a little training session, okay?”

Mikey groaned, folded his arms.

“Clock is ticking! Mikey’s stomach is soon growling, so better hurry up, or ninja out!” he said playfully.

Leo nodded, then waved at Don.

“I’m sorry…” Donatello mumbled, as they walked at his room. “I did not know I will cause this much of a hassle.”

“Don’t worry about it. More important is for you to have a gooood rest. If you happen to wake up earlier, we could have a little drive around the streets.” Leo grinned at Don reassuring, smoothening the tension between them.

Donatello’s worried, tired expression shifted to a faint, eased up smile.

“That sounds cool. I made a few upgrades to the vehicle anyways. I’ll try my best to get up, then! That means falling asleep in the speed of lightning.”

“Don’t strain yourself. If you manage, you manage, if not, we will schedule it to some other day.” Leo actually managed a reassuring wink, then fist bumped Don, patted Don’s shoulder once again reassuringly, he was also feeling some pride, as he not only managed to make sure Don was resting and scolded him accordingly, but also motivated his brother to actually look forward to the resting and not feeling like it was a pressuring must. After Leo made sure Don was settled in, he gently closed the door, then looked at the direction of Raph’s room. He sighed, made some calculations in his mind, then rather went back to Mikey.

“Changed my mind, we do this together today. Need to keep my little brother in shape before the other bites my head off.” Leo actually managed another playful tone, this also seemed convenient, as a big eager grin appeared on Mikey’s face.

“Alright, let’s get over it!” Mikey stretched.

After a little training session, Leo let Mikey off to eat and then play some videogames, since Mikey turned on the volume, Leo scolded him, but they agreed Mikey using headphones. After Leo made sure to greet their father and make sure the old rat was alright and was moving to watch television as had some series going on. Master Splinter was eagerly telling Leonardo the story of these series, his son listening with a patient smile, although he had no interest or clue what was happening with the romance and drama between those people playing some fictional story, which their father took so hilariously seriously. So after making sure the rest of the family was all cozy and safe and good, he finally went to confront Raphael.

First he just knocked, then he knocked some more, then he knocked even more, knowing pretty well it was so annoying to the other, Raph could not resist not to answer the door instead.

“Can ya ju-…” Raph opened the door, then stared at Leo and was about to slam the door back with a firm. “Nope!” but Leo roughly pressed his leg against the door, blocking it to close.

“No, sir.” Leo said with an unintentional half grin. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Slammin’ the door on yer face?”

“Raph….come on. You know why I’m here.”

“To lecture me, of course.” Raph rolled his eyes, then obliged and opened the door, stepped aside so Leo could enter. “ ’kay, let’s get over it fast. I’m not in the mood…”

“Actually no, not really.” Leo said calmly, as he came in, fell surprised for a moment, Raph’s scent everywhere, it was turning on some unwanted thoughts in him, even a slight heat, when he unintentionally stared at the hammock. He also just realized his heartbeats got faster and rougher. It was somehow a strange feeling to be closed up in there in Raph’s room, with Raphael in it.

He glanced at Raphael, as he slowly walked in the room more, he was past the center at the other end of the room, he felt a strange excitement, but it all sank, when he was facing a kind of naked lady on a poster on the wall between the other posters about cars and what not.

“So….this motivates you…?” Leo asked on a kind of annoyed tone, as he was glaring at the woman’s lustful eyes, he did not even want to register the naked breasts.

“Like it?” Raph actually managed a grin, amusement shifting from the irritation, impatience and confusion from before.

“No-…..not sure. Maybe? So what if I do?” Leo glanced at Raphael with an irritated glare. A strange feeling was heating up in him and it wasn’t pleasant. It just gave negative thoughts. This was unusual, strange and foreign.

“Oooh?” Raphael said on a mocking tone, as he walked closer, then leaned against the wall, beside the woman poster. “What would you do to her?”

“Oh, you don’t want to know….” Leo could not control the awful negative feeling building up in him, so he managed a kind of snarling grin. It made him so angry, that just a mere poster of a half naked woman was probably, most likely, have Raphael’s full attention. This was just crazy. Maybe he was crazy. Why would he, out of all mutants care what was his brother’s preference?!

Little did Leo know how clueless he was about his jealousy and how Raph noticed and found it incredibly amusing and sexy, but little did both of them know how it was apparently a big turn on for Raphael to see such a vicious grin on his brother’s face. Raph swallowed hard, he stared and hungrily savored the grin until it lasted, filing the memory between the most dearest ones, noting to self to remember that vicious, jealous grin at a jerk off.

“How about you?” Leo pointed at Raph with his head, as he looked at his brother with a strict glare. “What would you do to her?”

Raph’s grin widened, then stood up, walked closer to Leo, he did not care the other was stepping back, trying to stay at a fair distance from him, Raph just invaded Leo’s personal space, as he kept up with the steps, until Leo’s shell bumped against the other wall, then cornered him there.

“Dunno….maybe would start with a kiss to make her comfortable…” he grumbled, as he reached a hand and grabbed and lifted Leo’s chin, leaning in close. “…..and then just….see what feels good fer both o’ us…” his grumbles got more and more slurred and he was leaning in for the kiss. This time he was determined to actually catch Leo’s lips and not his nose.

Leo felt suspicion, as Raph was towering over him, he knew this was a dangerous “game”, he supposed to back off more, but then he was cornered. Not only he had no time to somehow forget the annoying foreign feeling in him and regain his calm composure, he was cornered, he felt heating up, his stomach tensed, as felt Raphael being so close again.  He blanked out, he completely froze and before he could react as he supposed to, he just let it happen. This time it wasn’t that messy, he was just letting the feeling come, feeling Raphael’s hesitant lips pressing to his. A burst of heat was washing through him, spacing out, just basking in the pleasant feeling, actually feeling eager and safe, reaching out and grabbing the sides of Raphael’s shell, roughly pulling him closer, their plastrons pressing together. This time he did not want it to stop, just wanted to make it last longer, even if Raphael was the one trying to pull away after a long moment. The frustration of wanting more and the heat and yet the panic of the fluttering feeling was becoming suffocating, but Leo could not stop and was just pushing boundaries, Raph’s little muffled desperate groans fueling his eagerness even more. Eventually, finally Leo pulled away, he comfortably relaxed like that, absent-mindedly running a hand over Raph’s plastron, as Raphael sank a bit in place, losing his strength for a moment, buried his face in Leo’s neck, hands on the wall to somehow support himself, as his legs were giving in.

“I’m sorry…” Leo whispered, as he closed his eyes, a pained expression shifted through his face, he hesitantly embraced Raphael.

“What fer…?” Raphael grumbled back, as he turned his head in the side, facing Leo, resting his head on the other’s shoulder, he embraced back.

“I came to talk with you, not….” Leo sighed.

“So what, we’re talkin’.”

“This is not talking…”

“It’s a different kind of talking. It’s good.”

“It is wrong…”

Raphael sighed, pulled away from Leo completely, as he turned away annoyed, brushing a hand through his face, he was walking around in his room, for a moment to calm his temper down and the heat in him, at this point having a kind of erection, still hoping Leo did not notice, then he went and sat on the hammock, placing his hand on his lap in a way so his hands and wrists hid his lower part.

“Who said it’s wrong…” Raph frowned.

“Common sense?” Leo sighed, as he slid down, shell still against the wall, as he flopped down sitting, placing an elbow on his knee and one hand on his forehead, as he looked down wondering. He was actually panicking about the fact he was so calm again. He supposed to make a big fuss and scold Raphael and make them both regret everything. But he was just empty and calm.

“Well fuck common sense.” Raphael grumbled annoyed, as he looked away sulking.

“Why is this happening, Raphael?” Leo mumbled on a defeated, smooth tone.

“How should I know?! It feels good, so what?!”

They stood like that in silence, Raphael feeling frustrated, impatiently waiting for Leo to say something. He was actually feeling terrified, not wanting to ever have a conversation or being confronted about his out-of-the-ordinary-attraction to Leonardo, especially not by Leonardo, but he had a vague feeling they were having that uncomfortable conversation right at that moment, at least that uncomfortable feeling was calming his erection.

“Do you….do this with …I don’t know…Casey? Don and Mikey too?” Leo glanced up at Raphael, beside his arm, that was covering most of his face, just one sharp eye fixated on Raphael.

Raphael’s eyes widened, he did not expect such question ever, nor even having such thought in his mind. He was so surprised he could not speak up for a long moment, eventually he bursted out in laughter. He haven’t laughed so loud for a good while. Leo lowered his hand and glared at Raph with an embarrassed frown, as he felt his cheeks heating up.

“Do I look like a hoe to ya?!” Raph asked, as he finally settled down a bit.

Leo frowned confused, feeling even more embarrassed.

“What’s what…” even if he expected full on Raphael’s obnoxious reaction, he still tried his luck to ask such a silly question. He tried to see things positively, at least he made Raphael laugh.

Raphael bursted out in laughter again, laughing even more, almost rolling off of his hammock. He laughed so much he actually started coughing. Obviously this did not pass Mikey’s radar of laughter, he instantly came, opened the door with a wide grin, curiously examining the situation, then jumped in the room, genuinely shocked.

“What pills did you give him?” he pointed at Raph, as he directed the question at Leo.

“Leo does not know what hoe means!!!” Raphael shouted before Leo could answer, then laughed further.

Mikey’s eyes widened, then he burst out in laugh also.

“Oh, dude, that’s a bad word!”

Leo felt blushing at this point, then rolled his eyes, getting up.

“Oh please…” he grumbled, as he smacked Mikey’s nape and went out, then at his room, slumping on the bed sulking. He felt incredibly embarrassed and awkward, but at least he lifted Raphael’s mood and was also socializing with Mikey now.

Leo sighed, as he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He then groaned and facepalmed, feeling rather embarrassed as how could he just get over a kiss like that again without a drama and why did he let all those emotions get to him so easily. Why was it that around Raphael, he could not control his emotions. Maybe it was Raph’s vibe in general, but it did no good for the fearless leader’s cold composure. And mainly, he made no progress again referring to his agreement with Raphael. He felt like he was not helping Raphael to bring balance in this family at all.

The rest of the day passed quickly, they ate pizza, putting some slices away for Donatello, Leo needing to guard it from Mikey, as he read on the kitchen and each time shooing Mikey away. Their father went off scavenging, so he needed to “babysit” his brothers. It was easy, as Raph and Mikey did some activities together, talking about music and sports and rap and what not or playing video games or wrestling or teasing each other.

Leo did not notice, when Raphael snuck in the kitchen, just when he was finally in and they got silent again. Leo glanced up, instantly regretting, as he met with that smug, teasing, pleased grin on Raph’s face. He frowned back, then glanced back at his book, pretending he was reading, yet he was rather focused on Raphael’s movements. Raph walked to Leo, then sat down beside him on a chair.

“A lil’ reconciling hang out later tonight?” He grumbled, as he playfully pushed Leo’s shoulder with his, making the other tilt on his chair a little.

“No.” Leo said coldly.

“What no?! Why no?! What happened to the “we bring harmony to the family”?!”

“Raph, you are too loud, and I think we had enough alone time together today. We should take a break and think about things a little, before we hang out again and actually sit down and seriously talk.”

Raphael’s good mood disappeared in seconds, he was utterly disappointed. He sighed annoyed, squirming in place in anger, then jumped up.

“Fine. Whatever.” He mumbled, as he stormed out the kitchen, right in his room, slamming the door.

Leo sighed, smacking his face with the book. Just when things were going well…

“Raph, I brought the….Raph? Where’s Raph?” Mikey’s head popped up in the kitchen door.

“Raph got tired and went to bed…” Leonardo grumbled, now kind of feeling tired from so much emotional stimulation. “You should too.” He glared at Mikey.

“Woah, dude, fine!” Mikey saluted, then rushed off.

Leo sighed, massaged his temple, but actually was determined to be the last who goes to bed the night, making sure everyone else was alright and safe. Master Splinter returning safely, Donatello going back to sleep, Mikey going to bed and Raphael hopefully also going to bed.

And Leonardo…

…well as much as he wished to fulfill his goal, he dozed off at the kitchen table.


	8. Message, not new chapter yet!

Hello, 

I just wanted to say, no matter how much I wanted to stick to my one chapter/weekend schedule, I unfortunately will not be able to post the next chapter this weekend. ;^(\ Truth be told, I actually had majority of chapter 8 prepared on Friday, I just needed to finish, however I read the comments meanwhile and I got a bit concerned. I finally reconsidered my plans and I feel like maybe I should not take this awkwardness and tension between Leo and Raph any more further than this, so chapter 8, as it was for the next steps imagined, is cancelled and I need to rewrite it. However, I need to rewrite it totally differently and change some plans and that needs a bit more time and I ran out of time for this weekend. .. owo"

First of all, thank you sssoooo much for your reactions, it means so muuuch omg!!! <3 Even if you are still not fully pleased, I am still hoping we can figure out for all of you to be entertained while reading.  
Second of all, I want to write better, so I feel like I grew better after "Mikey's first time" story and Hold me Longer seems to have better complexity and I really want to keep it that way. By complexity I also mean a good posting schedule and noticing comments and replying properly owo

And since we don't have chapter for now, I thought to make a little summary and include some explanations or re-explanations.

So so far in the story we know, that the turtles are starting to grow, leaving behind the good ol' teenage years. I imagine them to be around 18 years at this point. Meanwhile we see more from Leo's perspective, as how he is starting to discover new things and thoughts and emotions in himself. These are new for him, because so far he was obeying rules and diligence to be better at what is expected from him and what is his passion, together with his family, which is being amazing ninjas. However, being considered the biggest and most mature brother, he was also pressured with more responsibilities. So far it was what he wanted and what made him feel content and motivated to be better, because he achieved a lot, he grew better at what he was doing. However placing responsibilities and everything else top primary for himself, his other parts got a little underdeveloped and now, as he is growing, he is starting to feel that, since his hormones are also working at this point. x3 Leonardo is now 100% determined to let the obbsession of being the best ninja, leader and brother and one how takes responsibilities, go a bit and allow himself to discover other things in him. This actually is positive towards his own self, his humor, his social interaction with his brothers and father, plus hopefully gives us a better pictures about Leo beside his stereotypical self. owo [I try my best, guys! TTvTT] Buuuuut, meanwhiiile, we also found out, that wooops, Leo and Raph has a mutual attraction for each other, but before they could even get busy understanding that, they need to solve issues between each other. There is the problem, that they seem to misunderstand each other and that leads to a lot of arguments. And that is no goodies for anyone in the family. >.< So Leo said Enough! We sit and talk! DX But then they ended up...well doing other stuffs and Raph dodging the whole "serious talk" thing alltogether. owo We also can see Raph has a lot of restained emotions and uncertainities and a lot of struggles, which he is afraid for the others to express or talk about and stubbornly tries to solve them on his own, because he wants to show a strong and independent, but great and caring protector example for the others, meaning of competing with the "colder" perfect fearless leader. Well...maybe he managed some, but some...well they are just hidden under a rug and are piling up and so the poor guy constantly messes up and ends up being a dummy and then ends up having mental struggles again ^^"   
So instead of me further carry out these very difficult times for them, and being afraid that I manage to confuse someone eventually, I decided to wrap up things and finally get Raph and Leo to actually sit down and talk. >w< And uuuuh, what will happen neeext? owo 

I am sorry if my explaining is horrible ;w;

-Also would write again, that I originally imagine this story in the 2014 TMNTMichael Bay movie version, however I tagged more versions, since I want to give you guys the possibility to imagine this story in the version you prefer! Expect 2012, I guess, since there Raphael is smaller, than Leo.[I'm sorry] ^^"  
-I also want to mention that I am terribly sorry for some typos! This account was ment to be multiple people, who feels more shy or feels like in a group it would be constructive to write, also had a beta reader, but somehow I am the only one using this now... owo" So that also means I am my own beta reader. Sometimes I post chapters so called "raw"(that means it  
s finally done and ready to be posted, but only lousy read it through), so there will be more typos, but later I go back and reread them and correct them more. I guess there will be still some typos left so I am very sorry, I will keep rereading and correcting them whenever I have energy and time v.v"  
-Also, thank you for your patience! I know it might be a bit confusing at first, this story if Hold me Longer and I build up new information and complexity little by little and at the end, have a whole. So thank you if you stick around to find out where we start and where we end up on this journey and how Leo and Raph evolve and beside them, their family. owo  
-Also, I am a bad fan too, I know, so stories I write will most likely lean on the lewd direction...I am sorry, but this story will have those sexy parts too, so if you are not mentally prepared for it or you're too young for it, you can just go ahead and skip those chapters? I added the warning tag and I will hopefully won't forget to give a warning on a chapter if anyone is getting down to business and gets too uhm...described in details?   
-As mentioned before, whenever I start a story from now on, I am determined and 100% sure that I am going through them until the end! Until this story, I did not have a chapter posting schedule, so I posted when I could. ( sometimes few months later? ^^"""""), but now I try to post a chapter every weekend one of the days from Thursday til Sunday. If I don't manage, I guess I will leave a little intermission like this?^ ( Tell me if this helps?)  
-So far, I was not expecting to take criticism seriously about my works or how I manage to portray characters? However, if you are angry about something, please tell me so that we can figure out misunderstandings or different point of views owo ( I feel like Leo in this story now haha ). However, if you are just plain up hate commenting, I still will try to luv you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to cure your hate TTvTT"  
-I also made an Inkbunny account with this name(MaybeOneNight), where I'll post my works and sometimes I might even try a silly drawing and post it there or if Deviantart-acceptable, then on dA too with the name : ZetaTmntBrave ^^

Welp, I guess that's all for now and I will try my best to get the new chapter up next weekend! -wob


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Expect two chapters this weekend, since the delay! :3 One is up now and I'll try to finish the next tomorrow!
> 
> I started giving them titles, since the message bothered the chronological chapter order, but no worries, I think it's just me who's confused by it x3 So As I mentioned before, I decided to wrap things up a bit and did not kept postponing the beginning of Leo and Raph seriously talking and finally we are entering the "changes" period, and not be lingering on the post-stress /sexual tension period! So we skipped some more sad and depressing parts and instead they are making progress! :D

  Raphael and Leonardo - most likely the latter- agreed to now meet up for awhile as the two of them. Leonardo felt the need to clear his mind a little from the longing that fogged his rational side of his mind. He believed this period was advantage for both of them. He really hoped Raphael was doing the same: clearing his mind and thinking about things a little. No matter how Leonardo was nervous thinking about the true fact that was laying in front of him, he needed to face the fact, that he and Raphael had something deeper than brotherly affection. He was still surprised how could it just happen like that. Why wasn't he feeling the same for the others. They were raised well, they have an amazing father and a wise sensei. They are intelligent, they have common sense, then why did this happen. The more Leonardo tried to think about it, the more frustrated he became and in order to maintain his calm, he needed to put that aside for a bit again. There were more important issues between him and Raphael, than the new - at this point not so foreign- feelings. He needed to focus on the fact, that all of them were growing and evolving in many directions. For the young teenager Leonardo, so much serious things were hard to take in all, but as his current self, he accepted more and thought about more things, that he did not know are essential for life and for them being as social entities, a family. He grew closer to Mikey and Donatello as brothers nonetheless. He wasn't irritated by their habits so much as before. As he spent more time with each of them in their own element and comfort zone, he got a lot of answers to his irritated "why the hell does he do that?!" questions. Meanwhile it helped him not only inspire his brothers, but making his social skills, patience, acceptance evolve. After weeks passing, he actually noticed some changes in the way he was thinking. Maybe this meant maturity, maybe this meant growing. It was scary, but exciting at the same time. He also started to open up more around Mikey and Donatello, he shared more and more thoughts and ideas of his on a casual way. Before, he always felt like he would never be understood and his way of imagining things wouldn't be understood by his brothers at all, they wouldn't understand, and this passiveness and negativity made him close up and not even trying the slightest effort, although his brothers were open. It was wrong from him so accuse his brothers are not "good" enough to meet his expectations and standards regarding even just a normal every day life chit chat or messing around and now he knew that and was correcting that mistake. Donatello was at first nervous blabbing around Leonardo, since he notice before that he might irritate Leonardo with it and Leonardo always wanted to hear the straight up things, unnecessary details were ignored. Surprisingly Donatello could babble around Raphael the best. He was the one Don knew will be not only reacted to, but listened to also maybe even with interest. Mikey was trying his best always, but after a time he was unable to not move around or do something else, seeming as if he is ignoring Don, or he was spaced out completely. Now things have changed as Leonardo seemed like a patient partner too, although still wasn't as dwelved into it, but his smile and nodding was enough for Donatello to just go ahead on his never ending speeches. It was like Heaven for Michelangelo too, as he could joke more, without being scolded.  It was actually tiring for Mikey too, being scolded so much, together with Raphael. He was sensitive on a way too, and although he did not take everything to heart and get depressed like Raphael, he still got hurt. He really enjoyed he could finally mess around a bit more with Leonardo too and feel like the tutor sometimes, when Leonardo curiously questioned slang words or jokes he did not understand, or just fun thing in life in general. Sometimes it was frustrating and tiring for Mikey, but he liked this better, than the constant strictness and scolding from Leonardo. Beside his two brothers, Leonardo also had calm times spent with their father. They did some of their usual routines, just sitting together in the calm silence, drinking tea together, speaking about their usual things or listening to each other, as one wanted to share something with the other. Leonardo was always the one, who was more dependent from their father in the family and friend sense, than the rest of the siblings. He genuinely enjoyed talking with the rat, his calm and wise personality and his mysterious, deep speeches were like a therapy for Leonardo. It was safety, it was comfort. However, he also felt change towards master Splinter. He did not feel that deep idolization and respect, almost feared in respect, than when he was small, now he felt like he is growing closer, growing up to the equality and it was pleasant, that their father was also accepting calmly and kindly. What his Leonardo deep and hard, however, was when one day master Splinter was observing them joking in the dojo, and when they were heading to the kitchen, the rat looked at Leonardo with a melancholic, yet prideful smile. Leonardo was thinking hours at night why was that smile. Why was there sadness? Their father is so proud of them, he would give his life for his sons, they make him happy and so so proud growing up so well, reflecting all his parenting efforts as a success, and yet now he gave out that sad smile. It bothered Leonardo so much, one morning he brought up.

                -I'm sorry, but you seemed sad earlier. 

               -It is not sadness, my son. It is happiness. There is no bigger joy for a father to see his sons grow. But....-he looked down, that pained, melancholic, deep smile was there again. - But time also passes. -he said silently. 

            Leonardo needed a little time to process it, but then it sank all in. He needed to realize the passing times meant things, that were sad, deep. His eyes widened, as he stared at his father, then he also lowered his head, staring at the ground, he couldn't help, as the deepness and understanding of that one small sentence was still lingering in his subconsciousness. His eyes teared up. They stood there in the still silence, comforting each other with their presence. 

 

             Raphael at first did not want to understand the fact, that Leonardo meant completely seriously, when he said that they are not going to meet up for awhile. Raphael's patience lasted for a few days, everything was fine, he enjoyed being with his family, trainings, routines, checking Leo out whenever was possible, then regret it and feel like a creep, but then he couldn't anymore and his urge was driving him crazy. He wanted to spend time with Leonardo as the two of them. His anger and annoyance towards the other striked back with full force and his hate and anger towards Leonardo grew also. He was silenter and grumpier than usual, at first he was bothering all of them, but when his mind cleared a bit, he noticed something. He noticed, that there is a new kind of balance forming in the family, and mostly it is thanked to the leader. He was sending new waves in the little pile of relationships and emotions. Raphael was scared and glad at the same time. He actually was happy and glad seeing his brothers socializing and changing on positive ways, but at the same time he was scared, as Leonardo was slowly gaining more dominance in the fields Raphael had his own little comfort zones and wanted to keep those. He noticed Leonardo and Donatello chatting more and that gave him less time chatting with Donatello as they usually did. Mikey was also sharing jokes with Leonardo, which were usually shared with Raphael and instead of Mikey taking jokes on a whole new level with Raphael and OOOH and laugh around, Mikey received a clueless Leonardo, who did not add much to the joke itself and wasn't that extremely enjoyable anymore, just enjoyable. Meanwhile Leonardo only approached Raphael as casual nods and half smiles and they did not really talk about anything, maybe just Leonardo occasionally asking Raphael about his well being and what was he up to, which Raphael dodged off with a few small words. If he couldn't be with Leo like how they were, then he didn't even want to spend any time with him alone. It was incredibly difficult for him, as he was angry he was being replaced in a way, Leonardo always taking everything away from him with little effort, things, that Raphael built up with effort and dedication. Thanked to his awful temper, his reactions were too rough. Thanked to his awful temper, his rational and actually smart and good ideas were ruined by his sensitive emotions and came out through his mouth as some kind of deformed idiocy. He always had issues expressing himself and their father struggled with him a lot. His feelings always wanted something else, than his sane mind. He was a good observer, but what could he do with that. He could be a great brother, but he always managed to fuck it up somehow. He was always came out the bad guy somehow. Bad karma, it was just a curse. And yet he had noone to really share with. Actually, noone supposed to see. He just kept trying. There was nothing else he could do. Just to try and keep trying. He was strong enough to solve his own problems on his own. His problems was noone else's. He thought he is strong enough to just be the tough guy all the time, he actually did and does feel tough, as he is. He was never spoiled, like Leonardo, praised like Donatello or guided as Michelangelo. He was scolded. No matter how much he wanted to change, he was just the Raphael he was. He could never be or beat Leonardo. And now he was once more stabbed in the chest. He needed to face everything alone again. He needed to comfort his own self again. It was incredibly suffocating to hold back so many thoughts and emotions and observations. And the top of all the inner turmoil, of course he needed to be the one, who needed to have wrong feelings. How could his life be just a little bit easier. 

         One month passed as Raphael was still waiting for Leonardo. As more and more time passed in his inner struggles and battling with his impatience, he realized, that he also needed this waiting period, not just Leonardo. Beside the struggles and hate, he actually thought about a lot of things and observe a lot. Every time envy took control of his emotions, he tried to remind himself, that he was actually glad to see his family like this. This was the better, even if he was a little bit forgotten. He was glad to see Leonardo smiling more or that Donatello doesn’t need to feel awkward and stressed out or Mikey in constant fear of a scolding. It was a good change for all of them. He won in the battle against his own self, his self which always saw the negative side and accepted it. He was also tried to prepare himself to not lash out that nobody is paying attention to him. He enjoyed observing. It was better this way. This was the best way. The more he stayed silent the more things went naturally, he did not cause any chaos or stress. Sometimes he restrained himself enough or just had a better moment of emotions to contribute to family life. He still did have time with Mikey and Don and still did have mood for a good fight or training or hobbies or other things. However, one thing that was still boiling in him were his attraction for Leonardo. During this month, he actually started to get more familiar with the fact, that he does have feelings for his brother, not just stupid sexual fantasies, but actual feelings. He did like Leonardo a lot. There was just something about him. It actually gave him some inner peace accepting this fact. It wasn’t easy to not look at Leonardo without those feelings, but at least he knew what his problem was and what he is dealing with in himself.

          Although throughout the times being away, Leo and Raph still managed to argue once or twice, especially at the beginning, but they needed to go through their own personal inner battles first. Later when Raphael calmed down a bit, it made Leonardo happy, that Raphael is taking part in some of their activities together or even suggests some. One week after one month, Raphael finally managed to be in a good mood. He was working out a lot and did what was entertaining. Before that, he had a long night of wondering and the thoughts came back. After a long wondering and hesitation, he felt like he couldn’t hold it back any longer, so he went to Donatello. Without any greeting – as they were used to it – he went in to Don’s lab and closed the door. Donatello was at his computer, he didn’t even glance away, but he automatically engaged as a listener in the conversation, which Raphael started.

          -So I’ve been kinda wonderin’, ya know. We’re all smart and all, like people.

           -Mhm. – the answer came, as still was typing.

      Raphael paused for a moment to rethink and rephrase his words. He knew he needed to choose his words carefully around Don. One wrong word or sentence and Don will overanalyze and guess.

          -And? – Don stopped fidgeting with his computer and turned at Raph on his chair.

          -Well… -Raph tried again – We’re growin’ and stuff…things kinda chaaange and so on. So I was wonderin’…like, ya know…soon we might have some sex probs. I mean come on! This is not a secret anymore n’ we’re big enough to talk ‘bout it. I just….first wanted ta….consult with ya –used a more sophisticated word on a sarcastic tone , but still emphasizing the seriousness -, since yer the all brains and stuff and have some med skills.

           -Yup! But keep in mind I’m not a doctor, nor a psychologist, tho. – Don interrupted with tilted head, curious and amused at the same time about Raphael’s struggles and how he tried to elaborate them so clearly, yet his expressions told all anyways. He was actually curious where was this topic heading. – Honestly I never put much thought into this subject before. I mean, master told us also too, that it’s something natural, there is nothing wrong if you’re having urges and needs. You’ve got hands and time to explore what hits the spot. – he shrugged.

          -Yeah, got’cha! But….I was wonderin’….I mean I was JUST wonderin’!! What if….beatin’ meat won’t be enough…?

             -Hm. – Don couldn’t help but give out an amused grin, as he scratched his chin wondering as he stared at Raph. Things were getting interesting indeed. – Yeah, you’re right. We have high chances to feel lonely just like people do. Like…80.5% to experience and feel that type of loneliness, where one is longing for a potential mate…partner…call it whatever you prefer. This is also natural and sooner or later likely to happen.  Then I guess it’ll be a moment when we split up and explore more in the world, trying to find our significant other.

           -PFT, AS IF! How the shell do ya think we’ll ever find a mate? I mean helloooo…- Raph pointed at himself with both hands, referring how they were some intimidating giant turtles, who’ll most likely freak out anyone.

            - Myeah, well it won’t be easy, since there aren’t many mutants…but who knows! It’s not impossible! You gotta stay positive, Raph. – Don smiled and winked reassuringly.

             -Well I don’t believe in fairy tales….plus I’d like to keep my family, thank ya…-Raph grumbled annoyed, folding his arms.

     Don’s gaze became sharper and at that moment Raph knew the way he suggested to connect things eventually revealed him a bit more than he wanted to and now Donatello was catching up with him.

          -Ah, I see. – Donatello said with a half smile after a long moment of thinking. – Well yeah, now that you meantioned …yeah, incest is a possibility too.

          - W-WAIT, I WASN’T REFFERIN’ TO THAT! – Raph bursted out in panic, flailing, getting embarrassed – I jus’…I just sat down one night n’ was wonderin’, that’s all! – Oh, if Don knew how he wasn’t just thinking about general issues in the matter…

          -Hey Raph, that’s fine, don’t need to freak out. – Don blinked, actually concerned for a moment if he gets punched or something precious will get flipped.

          -Ok, fine…..yer way too chill ‘bout this… -Raph glared at Don with suspicion.

          -Why? Would it be more convenient if I start screaming , throwing stuffs at you, smack you with my staff and tell the rest of the family and we throw you in the fire or something? – Don chuckled and shook his head – Come on, Raph. I think it’s normal to consider those thoughts…at least in our case. It’s the instinct to survive.

          -Eugh….-Raph grimaced at the thought being burnt alive.

          -Oh, wait wait! –Don caught up with Raphael again.  – I have a better idea! –Don snorted amused, then elaborated on a teasing tone, acting like an imaginary professional doctor. – I’m afraid I diagnose you with The Thoughtus of Incestus, I’m afraid there is no other cure than castration.

          -Hell naw, I’m outta here!!!

          -Wait, wait, wait! I’m sorry! I just wanted to try a mean joke! Sorry!  - Don laughed, then got smacked on the back of his head. – OW!  Yep, I deserved that!

          -So this is the start of yer career, the mad scientist, who’s planning to destroy human kind? – Raphael grumbled teasing, as he folded his arms, then they both burst out in chuckles.

          He was actually relieved he could somehow get it out of his system, although the urge to be with Leo was burning him up inside, trying to convince himself it’ll never ever happen, those kisses they had were the last he’ll ever experience, Leo moved on at this point, but at least he could speak some of his pain out in jokes with Donatello, who reacted better than Raph expected.

          As they calmed down, Don arranged his bandana, then he looked at Raphael again.

          -Well I am only your brother, but is there something you’d really like to tell me about this?

          Raph blinked, he swallowed hard for a moment, his mind wanted the sweet release, to just pour out everything, but he needed to be strong and hold all in, and finally just shook his head.

          -Nah, thanks. Just needed to put an end to this midlife crisis…

          -Mhm. – Don mumbled wondering.

          -What. – Raph grunted nervously.

          -Ah, nothing, I was just wondering who would it be out of the three?

          -WHAT?! – sudden heat hit Raphael’s body.

          -I mean, if you ever consider it, who would it be out of the three of us? – Donatello repeated patiently, curiously examining Raphael’s reactions and expressions.

          Raphael swallowed hard. It was really the worst time remembering Leo’s sweet smiles and lips, that he would kiss so badly again.

          -Noone… - Raph grumbled, as he looked away embarrassed.

          -Hm.

          Don wondered for a long moment, he really wasn’t giving up just yet.

          -Fine, then let’s set up a possibility only in theory. Just for our little amusement. I’ll also tell and you’ll do the same, how about that?

          Raphael immediately wanted to oppose, but he actually got curious. He bit his lower lip nervously, then nodded.

          -Ok…sure… -it was nothing, just theory. – But you start. –Say everybody else, than Leo, then he won’t cause any suspicions…

          -Okay, then!

Everybody else…

          -So I think…

Just not Leo…

          -Alright, I think in the spur of moment, I’d say Mikey or Leo. I mean I get along well with Leo, when he’s also calm,  we’d almost never argue and we’d discuss things first. And Mikey, well Mikey is Mikey, it’s difficult not to love him. –Don smiled. – Now you. –he nodded at Raph.

          Raph needed a moment to process what Don said and how openly and calmly he said it. Of course Donatello wasn’t nervous, he really did not attach any feelings to this subject. He was just having fun, but for Raphael it wasn’t really as amusing. He felt his stomach was itching from those nervous butterflies in his stomach, he actually absentmindedly scratched his plastron there. He took a deep breath. Say everybody else, but Leo; everybody else, but Leo, he rehearsed in his mind.

          -Well….

          -Weeeell? – Don tilted his head curiously, he was actually examining how flustered Raphael was.

Just not Leo…

          -I guess….well I dunno…

Not Leo.

          As Raph opened his mouth to say something, but he froze, as he heard the clicking sound of the door opening behind him. Both him and Don glanced at the door, when Leo blinked back at them.

          -Hey, sorry. I was actually searching for Raphael, but later, then!

          -Ah no, don’t worry about it, we were just talking, if you need him, he’s all yours! I need to finish constructing this new software idea I had in mind for better malware protection system and…- and there it was Donatello blabbing about his own stuffs, that just he understood and his fingers were already on the keyboard again.

          -Alright, thank you. Oh and Don? Can you please check Mikey later? I gave him some tea, but he doesn’t seem to feel well. I think he ate something he shouldn’t…again…-Leo sighed.

          -Poor little guy, having a tummy ache again. –Don said on a playful tone, this was enough for Leo to be reassured he was attentive and he will surely go check Mikey soon.

          Then Leo and Raph went off.


	10. Chapter 9

Leo chuckled, then with a smile, nodded at Raph to follow him and not to bother the working Don anymore. Raphael, as he first saw Leo at the door, he just froze in one place, couldn’t speak or react, just stood there, listening to the conversation unfolding. When Leo called for him, he felt like it was just a dream. After so long, his hopes were sparkling up again. Leo actually came and called for him. It was so sudden he didn’t know what to say, and so maybe he showed way too much excitement, as he darted after Leo, his feet feeling way lighter than usual on the ground, feeling like rather floating after Leo, like in those silly cartoons. Leo was actually surprised how positively Raphael reacted. He felt like after all this time passed, Raph wouldn’t even want to see him again, but here he was, following him so eagerly. He felt a sudden urge to want to hug Raphael, but he needed to save that for later. As for now, he grabbed a random bag, fast dropped by Mikey, told him to call Don or their father if he needs something, but master Splinter was already there, so he told their father they were heading out scavenging. After making sure everyone was well, he waved at Raphael to follow him. He didn’t need to tell him twice.

          As they climbed on the surface, Leo actually started climbing up on their usual hanging out spot.

          -Uh, Leo, that’s not the way we usually go when scavenging! Besides it’s still not fully dark! – Raph called after his brother.

          -I know! Just follow me!

          Raph frowned confused, then with a shrug, he started climbing after his brother. Leo waited for Raphael to follow him, then with a challenging smile, he ran for it, jumped and landed on the next flat top. Raph grinned, the thrill of excitement that they could be seen at any given moment and the challenge to keep up with Leo gave him a some adrenaline rush, as he followed Leo without hesitation. Leo finally settled on a flat top, where there was a big advertisement sign with a woman grinning widely and holding a toothpaste. Leo smirked at Raph, then jumped and climbed up between the two sides of the big sign, where between them there was a railed standpoint, where they could sit down casually. Raph grinned, then climbed after him, it was actually a nice place to stay at, actually pleasant, only a few pigeons were around. Leo settled down in a comfortable position , then looked at Raphael, at first just looking at him from head to toe, then gave out a faint smile, he tried not to get nervous from Raphael’s deep gaze and –at this point he finally understood- flirty smile.

          -How are you? – Leo started on a clam tone.

          -Great. Ya?

          -I am fine, thank you. – they smiled at each other for a moment. –We have a peaceful day today and I thought it’d be a good time for us to sit down and talk?

          -Yeah. All ears.

          Leo sighed, closed his eyes for a moment, then looked down, fidgeting with the end ribbon of his belt.

– Well, I believe we had plenty of time thinking about things. Could you also manage to do that or do you need more time? – he glanced up at Raphael.

          -No. We talk now. – Raphael leaned more on his side. He couldn’t wait any longer, he really wanted to spend time with Leonardo like this again and he couldn’t hide from this forever anyways. – Not sure what exactly do you want to start with.

          Leonardo nodded, wondered for a long moment, then spoke up.

          -Well, we are brothers and a family and we were together since….well since we were kids. But uhm….I don’t know, is it just me, or we were actually getting along well, when we were children? Now we argue a lot…and we need to fix it. This is where we are now. And what I really want is you to be patient with me and hear me out and also let me hear you out, okay? I just want to understand you, just like I understand Mikey and Donatello better now. I think this is what we need to be a better team.

          Raph didn’t say anything, just nodded, listening carefully. Now Leo could see Don wasn’t joking, when he mentioned Raphael being an attentive listener.

          -I wanted first to reconsider my thoughts about myself, before I…face you. –Leo said, his voice got a bit shaky from nervousness. It was difficult to be so open, although he was prepared to be like that, as he practiced with his other two brothers. Somehow it went harder with Raphael. He was different. – Just like sensei would say, with the thunder stirring everything up, it is not wise to make decisions. I feel like I am better at listening now and I am better at understanding you. Understanding you as who you are and what your point of view is, and it is not wrong or bad, if your point of view differs from mine. – he gave out a faint smile at Raph.

          Raph sighed, somehow he felt a heavy feeling in his chest. Other times he had so many things to tell, million things to be angry about, now he just felt empty. There was nothing he could say, nor explain. He only wanted to say one thing and that one thing was forbidden anyways.

          -So…could you please tell me what bothers you? – Leo asked hesitantly, as he unconsciously leaned closer, searching for Raphael’s gaze.

          -That’s a stupid question. Everything usually bothers me… -Raph snorted as he said on a sarcastic tone, with a sore smile.

          Leonardo nodded, stayed in silence, wondering for a moment.

          -Do you…does it….-Leo struggled how to phrase the question for a moment. – It sounds stupid and misunderstanding, but let’s hope the intention is clear. Does it make you feel better if you can speak out your complaints and see the annoying side of things? I mean….you know, do you like being angry?

          Raph snorted.

          -I can’t focus if you’re acting like this… -he grumbled silently, as he brushed a hand over his face. He really wanted to behave and be serious, but it was so damn difficult, when Leo was so sweet.

          -I’m sorry….I can just stay silent and wait for you to speak up instead of me asking stupid questions. – Leo scratched the back of his head puzzled, not sure what was Raph referring to.

          -No, it’s fine. –Raph shrugged. –Man, a beer would be great now…

          -Do you want us to go fetch some at Casey’s?

          -Nah, I’m not in the mood to see his stupid mug. –Raph grumbled.

          Leo tilted his head wondering deeply.

          -Raph, do you rather enjoy being left alone?

          Raph frowned, then lowered his gaze.

          -Nah, I guess it’s just better if I’m left alone…

          -Why would that be better?

          Raphael didn’t speak up, a flood of emotions hit him, almost feeling weakening, but kept his toughness.

          -‘cause that way I don’t bother anyone that much… –Raphael finally mumbled silently.

          Leo’s eyes widened. Just when he needed some time to process, but understand his father, this time it worked again, with that sentence understanding, how Raphael was very sensitive and conscious about his existence in the family and how he might have felt like and outcast. He felt a strong urge to just embrace Raphael and just stay there, not letting him go again, but rather just sneaked closer and grabbed his hand.

          -Raph, no. Why would you think that? Do you have…any idea how important you are? You are an essential part of this family. It’s….it’s okay to be the grumpy one, but you’re also the strong and brave one. Yes, you have temper issues and act out sometimes, when shouldn’t, but who doesn’t have flaws?

          -You…? – Raph glanced up at Leo.

          Leo’s emotional expression toughened, he sighed, glanced down, still not letting Raphael’s hand go.

          -I have my own flaws.

          -Like what.

          -I…..am selfish. – Leo mumbled, staring down. It was incredibly unpleasant to say that out.

          -So what, that also makes ya strong and perfect.

          -Oh really, then what about my ego you hate so much? – Leo smiled annoyedly.

          -Oh yeah, that one is annoying…

          -Ah, so we got a flaw there, huh?

          Raph managed a faint smile.

          -Yeah…now that ya mentioned, yer perfection is a flaw too. Not to mention that face and the list could go on.

          Leo sighed with a faint smile, leaning back, finally letting Raph’s hand go.

          -Do you hate me? Go on, be as honest as you like.

          -I didn’t know we’re keeping a How To Hate Leo class.

          -Well, if you want. –Leo shrugged.

          Raph sighed, shook his head.

          -I don’t hate ye…just…ye know, it’s not fair to constantly see how everythin’ goes better for the other. While one needs to work so fuckin’ hard to achieve somethin’ in life n’ then goes the other and has all the fuckin’ support and shoulder pat and spoilin’ and gets everything in a blink of an eye with a minimal effort….Then just bein’ tossed aside, because oh, everyone step aside, here comes the other with their fuckin’ glory crown, all hail….and all this with minimal effort.

          Leo’s eyes widened in surprise.

          -Is this because I was chosen by father to be the leader?

          -No, not just. Everythin’, ya have everythin’! Yer such a big fuckin’ star my efforts are nothin’, not even visible! At this point I won’t even try. I’m fine in my own lil’…fuckin’ box. – Raphael started to actually get pissed off.

          Leonardo actually stayed silent and listened, just let Raphael give in to his emotions and pour out, unintentionally opening up.

          -All I am good fer are….these… -he pointed at his muscles – I worked hard fer these and these make me the only thing that’s visible in this team. An’ masterin’ my weapons as should, that is a must in this family, which I am grateful fer, ‘cause we need martial arts. Other than that? Can ye name somethin’ that was better than yer shinin’ star self? Don’t think so. Oh wait, yeah, my big mouth ruinin’ everything! That’s my fuckin’ talent! And….and even now? Yer better for Don and Mikey too, if I am fuckin’ patient enough, soon no one really care where I even am. And ye know what? Maybe this is how it’s the best. I go, be there in the team and then that’s all. Oh, don’t look at me like that, as if it’s a big surprise. Come on, say it, say it in my face I’m better off!

          - Raph…I..

          -No, don’t even try! I don’t need any fuckin’ pity! I’m not miserable as ya’d like to think!

          -No, please listen!

          -Listen to what?! Yer fuckin’ pity and that ya will promise everythin’ will be different from now on, ‘cause I said this?!

          Leo froze, he actually wanted to say that. Raphael was more mature than he assumed, and way more pressure on his shell, than he also assumed.

          -No! Look….listen…Raph just… -Leo massaged his temple to regain his composure and think of something. – Look, there is no way I’d know you feel this way, if you don’t speak up.

          -Speak up?! How many fuckin’ times I tried to speak up and no one took me seriously, just saw me as the hater?! ‘Cause of this…! – he pointed at himself, referring to his temper.

          -Raph, please…I am trying to think of a solution.. –Leo grumbled, then fell silent, while Raph also just grunted and fell silent, trying to calm down. –Please tell me how to step back to give you more space? – Leo spoke up after a long moment.

          -Hah, as if yer ego would swallow that!

          -No, I’m serious. Do you want me gone for a few weeks? Do you want to lead for a few weeks?

          -Leo stop..

          -Do you want me to sit in my room for a few weeks or want me to not speak to anyone without your permission?

          -No, stop, for shell’s sake! No…it’s…those are over. It won’t work anymore. Things…change..

          -Yes, they do, but I think this is still possible. Would you let me give you the big hand for a few weeks?

          Raph sighed annoyed.

          -Okay, I’ll take that a yes. What else?

          -I don’t want that! I don’t want …I don’t want any of that shit…this is enough.

          -What is enough?

          -Just…goin’ out with ya at nights…-Raph grumbled on a more embarrassed, nervous tone.

          -O-oh…-Leo blinked surprised. Here he was overanalyzing things and overthinking and having loads of complicated ideas, yet Raphael’s demands were way simpler. – Yeah, well that’s manageable.

          Raphael was grumbling something in approval, then they were just sitting in awkward silence and squirming around.

          -Raph…?

          -Huh…

          -Can I ask you to be as honest with me as before from now on? I can see now that this wasn’t and shouldn’t be the only occasion we talk about things.

          -Will try…

          -Thank you. – Leo smiled.

          After a moment of silence.

          -Leo…?

          -Yes.

          -Can I get a hug…?

          Without hesitation, Leo jumped and tackled Raph with a rough, tight hug. Raph gave out a surprised grunt, but hugged back just as tightly. They squirmed a bit to get in a better position, until Raph pulled Leo on his lap to settle in better for the cuddles. Leo got a bit nervous being adjusted easily and being so close, but didn’t want to ruin the moment by stressing out and rather clung to Raphael as best as he could.

          -Myeah, this is good. –Raphael grumbled almost purring, as he settled in like that, resting his chin on Leo’s shoulder, eyes closed, arms around Leo’s waist and shell.

          -Glad. – Leo said almost on a whispering tone.

          -Coulda stay like this til tomorrow…

          -We’ll get hungry eventually…

          -Don’t care.

          Leo chuckled silently, slumping in place finally, his body got tired from the rigid pose as awkwardly trying to avoid to sit on Raph’s lap as little as possible, eventually giving in and just slumping there, pressing his forehead to the side of Raph’s neck. Being so close to him made Leo’s mind hazy from Raph’s stronger musk, but it was pleasant. Maybe too pleasant. He felt as if the temperature jumped up a few numbers suddenly, he couldn’t help, but start squirming, but Raph didn’t seem to want to let him go, he was trapped there. Lifting his head up and trying to get farther away, just only cause him more trouble, as Raph didn’t seem to hesitate and with the given chance, capture Leo’s lips for a quick, yet rough peck.

          -I missed this… -he whispered against Leo’s lips, then pressed another, longer peck.

          -R-Raph, wait…-Leo mumbled weakly, as a strong, warm shiver ran through his body at every peck. A slight panic caught up with him as he felt like as if his body is not listening to his mind’s orders, it was strange and foreign feeling. He could stress out and panic out incredibly fast if he ever happened to lose control and everything was flowing out from his grip. It was a strange and scary experience how Raphael took control over him and his body was obediently obeying Raphael’s demanding lips on his and tight embrace as he was help on the other’s lap, feeling lost in the warm frictions of exciting pleasure.

          Leonardo was losing his last sparks of resistance, giving out a hopeless muffled whimper, as Raphael curiously tried deepening the kiss even more. Raphael couldn’t help, but being away from Leo so much, made him greedy, wanted to take advantage of every little possibility to get as close to Leo as possible. His muscles tensed, gave out a small, satisfied groan, when Leo finally let him part Leo’s lips and press his tongue inside and after a long annoying and awkward moment of searching how making out is done in a way it feels good, finally there they were, kissing deeply, pressed together, even if it was sloppy and awkward, it was the best feeling for them for that moment, until Leo suddenly swiftly broke the kiss, changed his position where he could roughly grab Raphael’s shoulders and one knee roughly pressed to Raphael’s plastron, pushing him down on his shell roughly. Raphael didn’t notice when he loosened his grip on Leo and how Leo took the advantage and broke the cherished moment. Raphael was still spaced out from the kiss, his mind feeling foggy from longing, as he blinked and looked up at Leo, who was straddling him on four and glaring down at him.

          -Are you crazy?! – Leo shouted frustrated, some annoyance lingering in his tone.

          -Maybe…? –Raph’s sarcasm wasn’t taking a rest.

          Leo sighed annoyed, then got off of him and stood up, brushing a hand over his face, then arranged his bandana, facing away from Raph completely.

          -For shell’s sake, Raph!

          Raphael sat up, then stared down, fidgeting with his bandages on his hands, he didn’t even notice when got loose.

          -Sorry. – he grumbled silently.

          -Why…just…why?! – Leo groaned in agony, then sat down still facing away from Raphael.

          They both stayed in silence. After long minutes of silence, Leo finally turned around to face Raphael, but Raph stayed silent and avoided to look at Leo.

          -What does this supposed to mean…? –Leo asked on a calmer tone.

          Raphael didn’t answer. Leo sighed.

          -Why me! Why is it me who you’re doing this with, why is this happening on the first place?! Or are you hating me so much, that this is the best way you can think of to…shame me?

           Raphael just sighed and frowned. Leo sighed frustrated, then lifted his head at the sky and closed his eyes.

          -Do ya like it…? – Raph finally spoke up.

          -Huh? – Leo lowered his head his glare meeting Raph’s.

          -I said, do ya like it?

          Leo’s irritated expression softened, he made a helpless expression as he looked away.

          -I…..-Leo hesitated, then frowned teakingly. – None of your business? –and so he gave a taste of Raph’s own medicine, remembering the phrase he got the first time he tried to make Raph talk.

          Raph made an unamused expression.

          -Really…?

          -Got a problem? – Leo couldn’t help, but hive out a pleased grin.

          -Yer the problem…

          -Oh really? – Leo kept his cocky grin.

          -Such a fuckin’ smug brat ye are…. –Raph grumbled between his teeth with an irritated grin, but at the same time this part of Leo really turned him on.

          Leo gave out a small snigger, then shook his head, shifting to a more serious tone.

          -No, really. What’s this?

          Raph rolled his eyes.

          -Is this a new skill ya learned from Mikey? Playin’ dumb?

          -So what? Still need to get enlightened.

          Raph groaned impatiently.

           -It’s fuckin’ simple. Or ya like it, or ya don’t and ya tell me to fuck off.

          Leo frowned.

          -Is this something we need to talk about a bit later?

          Raph shrugged.

          -Yeah, sure, a probation period? Ya decide whether ya like it or not, eventually not liking it and tellin’ me to fuck off anyways? I mean…I don’t really have patience, but guess all I have is to wait for the final boot. Until then…-he grinned mischievously. –I’ll take my chance and do my best to get ya.

          Leo tilted his head wondering. Somehow he was curious what Raphael meant and what all this could mean. A warning thought kept trying to warn him to not go along and forbid all activities, but his curiosity and actually wanting to spend more around Raphael was winning over the warning thought and he nodded.

          -Well…-Leo started, wondering for a moment, wanting to give Raphael a smart answer. – It’s not like it is that horrible… –actually it felt very good, but he felt like it was the best not to admit it just yet – I also hope I don’t need to repeat myself over and over, that we’re overpassing common sense and we are doing something, that should even by NO chance! happen in our family! But….-he paused for a moment, he barely could hold back a laughter how Raphael was paying so much attention, he was leaning in in suspense, almost falling over on his face - ….I also understand now how you feel struggle, and I feel guilty to not be able to help you when you needed the most…so…I guess this is what I could do for you? Give you a chance for what makes you feel better? – Leo said a bit hesitantly, since he wasn’t sure what was he signing up for and still wasn’t clear what Raph really wants, but as much as he could find out, he believed Raphael just wants to spend some calm time with Leo, where Leo is not scolding him or judging him or no one is watching and Raphael can express himself however he likes. Meanwhile, maybe…it would be a win-win situation, since this way he could get closer to Raph and secretly admire him however he liked. Little did he know what was Raphael up to and what permission he gave him. He also didn’t notice his speech sounded way too superior, than how he intended, but fortunately it didn’t matter for Raphael at this point.

 Raph just playfully rolled his eyes, then got up and bowed in front of Leo,  speaking up with a sarcastic tone:

-Oh, what an honor, getting’ permission for the one an’ only to bask in that shiny ego n’ attention!

Leo’s eyes widened, being caught surprised at Raph’s reaction, feeling heat burning his cheeks.

-Raph, that is not how I meant!

-Too late, your highness! –Raph said, then with a strong jump, he climbed out from between the two sides of the sign, at this point it was night time. Leo frowned, staring at thr sky, not sure when did time pass that much. He gasped and jumped up on his feet.

-Raph!!! We need to go back! Who knows how long we’ve been away!

-Uhh….don’t wanna spoil it to ya, but ya made a little lie at home, ‘bout us…ya know….scavengin’? – Raph’s head popped back from the upper side, looking back down at Leo, who was still in there, then he made a grin and he disappeared again.

-Great…..the trouble I get into for you! – Leo complained, as he climbed out with the empty bag.

-Oh, yer flatterin’ me so much! – Raph groaned on an acted out, teasing tone.

-Shut up! We need to be extra fast, grab some stuffs and go back! – Leo said as they fast jumped from roof to roof.

-Ay, ay!

They could not go to their usual place to collect and rather grabbed some stuffs from here and there, forgotten stuffs or thrown out stuffs at alleys, like an awesome cap for Mikey or a broken radio and so on.

Leo barely could calm himself down from the pressuring stress, as what would their family say about this. Not only they stayed out incredibly late, they also got back with very few things. Raph patted Leo’s back reassuringly and offered that he got this, but Leo stubbornly tried to solve the issue. Eventually in the spur of stress and not having enough time to speak about a little plan, they eventually managed with a little teamwork, Raph faulting himself to make Leo stay out more, because he wanted to be outside more, and Leo rather focusing on Mikey’s well-being. Leo fussing around so much and Raph being so indifferent really lowered chances of suspicion, but it still wasn’t enough to fool Donatello and master Splinter enough. Leo did not notice, when they looked at each other, they way they looked at each other when they arrived back and observed Leo. However, Raphael noticed. He thought about the worst, but kept it for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter as promised!


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a serious series of event it was time for a little comfort for both of them, huh owo Also I tried to somehow include beside the struggles, Raphael also does care about how Leo feels. He is still convinced Leo doesn't want anything to do with him, but he still tries his luck ^^" Will he succeed or will Leo give him the boot eventually?~ 

                In the upcoming few days, the turtle brothers were rather focused on Michelangelo’s well being, as he felt awful, there was the suspicion he might be allergic to some kind of food they recently picked up eating, as after he got better, he ate something again, that put him back in the same awful state. Leo suggested to search around in the house so they would see what was the problem. Eventually Raphael found a kind of jar in a cabin hidden in the kitchen, some old, outdated spices getting from who knows where. Don immediately took it and examined it, luckily it only caused food poisoning, so they could give Mikey the correct treatment and getting rid of the cause, that made him ill.

               Weeks were going by once again, going on a serious mission after such a long time, getting injured, but stopping the Foot Clan from another rising, however Shredder did not appear. The turtles still kept an eye on them, treating their injuries, calming down from the thrill of fight and danger, after weeks, once again going back to peaceful days. Raphael and Leonardo barely had any time being together, they were focusing on family and the mission. After two days of reassuring Leonardo was way too paranoid and everything was fine for awhile again, Leo was finally responsive to Raph’s suggestive looks, impatiently waiting for them to head out on top for their little talks. After the rest of the family went to sleep, Leo took a shower and as he shuffling in his room, his wrist was grabbed and pulled in a half embrace. He blinked with widened eyes, as his face was inches away from Raph’s.

               -Gear up, we go on top. – Raph grumbled.

               -Uhm, sure. – all Leo managed to respond, fast went to grab his stuffs, Raph was already at the exit, then they rushed out to their same old place.

               -So…what’s the rush? – Leo asked, still adjusting his bandana.

               -We haven’t been out for awhile… -Raph said as he settled down and staring down at the streets, he patted the spot beside him.

               Leo took his time adjusting his rugs, then went and settled beside Raphael.

               -Yes, well…We had serious things to think about and do.

               After a moment of silence.

               -Do ya even like bein’ with me?

               Leo blinked surprised, glanced at Raphael for a moment.

               -Well, yes.

               -How much..?

               -How do you mean how much?

               -I mean like…if it was Mikey, ye’d go out with him the same way?

               -U-uhm… -Leo glanced away, he finally caught up with the idea of the question. He actually started to pay attention to hints from Raphael. Raph wasn’t really hiding his eagerness towards him. Leo still didn’t know where to put it or what to do with it. He got sneaky kisses on the cheek or embraces, or just standing close to each other as some of their body parts brushed together. In other words, Raph’s sense of personal space towards Leo was shrinking more and more. It didn’t bother Leo, it was actually thrilling and exciting and Raphael showing this affectionate side of him really made Leo’s days. He silently appreciated it, yet that was it. He never initiated. He was certainly getting familiar with the idea in himself he enjoyed Raphael’s presence and attention more than a brother does, but he was afraid to reveal such thing. He was afraid of the changes. What changed would it bring, if he ever showed Raphael how he also enjoyed being with Raphael. He didn’t even go so far with thoughts what would even happen if he ever revealed he had sexual fantasies about Raphael. As he had more time at nights to give place to thoughts like these, he considered Raphael’s affections towards him as a little “teenage boy” crush, since the poor guy didn’t have anyone else to have for such activities. Maybe Raphael was that type, who wanted a partner very early, maybe a bit too early, keep them or move on until finding the one who he can marry or something. For Leo it sounded like a way too scary and pressuring responsibility to have. He could not even imagine an extra female in the house, with whom he needs to spend extra time, who requires his attention more than his brothers, who has different demands from him and only him, who eventually wanting him to finally let his family go and settle with her to start a new family. It made his stomach tighten. It really wasn’t a pleasant fantasy to think about, but he reassured himself or it’ll never happen and they’ll die together old or alone or he’ll just take his time and not rush anything on that side and eventually let it happen if fate gives the chance so. As for the moment, he didn’t feel like searching for a mate. His only concern was, that he was growing way too fond of Raphael. Way…way too fond of him.

               -What. – Raphael glared at Leo impatiently.

               Leo blinked, he didn’t notice he was staring at the other, looked away embarrassed.

               -Nothing.

               -So gonna answer my question or it’s too much to ask fer?

               -Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts. What was the question again. – Leo smiled embarrassed.

               Raph frowned, shrugged.

               -Just wanted to know how much ya like bein’ with me…

               Leo sighed, nodded. He fast tried to think of a smart neutral answer. He knew or he pisses Raph off now or he managed to reassure him and he knew he is going to play the dirty game of keeping Raphael’s patience up.

               -Well…..honestly…. –he bit his lip, trying to think of something.

               -Come on, just say yes or no! – Raph groaned impatiently.

               -No..look…listen. –Leo turned entirely at Raphael. –Raph, honestly your question is very direct and sudden. How am I supposed to answer that? Or you get angry, because you don’t wait for me to actually have an answer, or I lie to you and that is bad for both of us.

               Raphael’s snarl softened, he considered Leo’s answer, Leo praised himself to keep his composure and have such an amazing answer composed.

               -Well…ya got a point there. -Raphael nodded, still contemplating about Leo’s answer. – Then lemme ask it elsehow. Do ya like hangin’ out or does it bore ya?

               Leo snorted, looked away with an amused smile

               -It’s just the same, but fine. No, I am not bored. I do want to talk with you, Raph. I see that these are the only times you actually open up...

               -So what if I do only these times..? I’m still me anyhow. – Raph frowned, starting to fidget with the end of his bandana. At this point Leo figured Raph is being nervous about something, when he starts fidgeting. – It’s just difficult.

               Leo looked at Raph with a calm smile, he was losing his focus as he was just admiring that big turtle slumped like that, being so nervous, yet still being so intimidatingly charming. Then he blinked, as his curiosity snapped him out of that admirating state.

               -What is difficult?

               Raph shrugged, then spoke up after a long moment of silence.

               -It’s just simply difficult to be open...like a...like a fuckin’ cupboard with no doors.

               Leo chuckled on a soft, calm tone, it made Raphael tense up even more, especially because Leo’s eyes were on him the whole time.

               -That’s not a problem, it’s part of your charm. –Leo shrugged.- I’m not good at expressing myself either.

               -Well ye don’t need to, ya still stay the same...everythin’s just good ’bout ya. – Raph rolled his eyes, even if he was acting all hostile and sarcastic, his acting was too transparent and even Leo knew the other was just flattering him with compliments.

               -Pfsh, as if! – Leo chuckled. It was an amazing feeling to just slow down, calm down and just hang out like this. It was even better he could bond with Raphael like this. It was all great, just the burning feeling, that constant burning feeling, the eagerness, the attraction wouldn’t be so heavy, wanting to be let out, expressed. This playfulness was just soothing the urges.

It shouldn’t be a problem if just only once...

               -No, really....-Raphael mumbled silently, embarrassed.

And Raphael was just so...

               -Oh really? – Leo grumbled on a teasing voice, his heart was in his throat and his mind was screaming in satisfaction how good it felt to flirt a little.

Only this time, just once...

               Raphael sighed frustrated, smacked a hand on his face.

               -Shit, Leo....how many fuckin’ times do I need to tell ye, when ya act like this is just....

               -Just what...? – Leo’s tone and grin was still staying teasing, playful, but definitely flirty.

               -Okay, fuck, that’s it! – Raph’s patience dissolved into nothing and he roughly leaned in for a kiss, but his eyes opened confused, since there were no warm lips.

               Leo leaned away, jumped up and went closer to the center of the flat top.

               -What, you want to fall off of the rooftop or something? – Leo said teasingly.

               Raphael jumped up with a deep grunt and with a predatory glare, he gave no room for more fooling around, he was getting that kiss and that was that. He was so predictable and it was so satisfying for Leo. He grinned, and when Raphael was right there to capture him and kiss him, he slipped away.

               -Yeah, well here we could be spotted, don’t you think so?

               -For shell’s sake! – Raphael rolled his eyes, but followed Leo off of the roof, them parkouring back with skilled moves into the sewers.

               Leo calmly jogging when in there, but not exactly home yet. However before he could conveniently pick another route, Raphael caught up with him, grabbed his wrists and slammed him to the sewer wall.

               -Don’t even expect me not fucking eatin’ off yer face after flirtin’ with me like that. – Raphael growled between teeth, as he pressed his body to Leo’s, firmly holding his wrists.

               -Who, me? I didn’t do anything. – Leo grinned smugly, at this point he barely could hold back not to laugh, couldn’t even act innocently anymore. He was actually so riled up how exciting it felt to tease Raphael like this, he felt filled with energy, the heat was not pressuring anymore, rather energyzing, it was a new kind of feeling, but he couldn’t help but enjot and not being panicked out by it.

               -Yeah, sure, fuck ya. – Raphael grumbled on a deep irritated tone, as he finally closed the gap between them and triumphantly captured Leo’s lips into rushed pecks, then eagerly deepening the kiss.

               Leo couldn’t help it, but give out a muffled chuckle in the kiss, satisfaction washing through him, how successful his flirting was and so the kiss felt even better. As Raphael let his wrists go and rather grabbed his sides and pulled him closer, he immadiately wrapped his arms around Raphael’s neck, as he needed to lean up more, they brushed together even more. He couldn’t help as a breathless, unintentional moan was pushed out of him from pleasure and excitement in the kiss, as they shifted in a slightly different position, as Raph’s legs shook for a moment, as if weakening and barely keeping him up. Leo’s mind was getting more and more foggy, as he felt like –just as Raph- he couldn’t stop kissing, or rather couldn’t break making out, until finally he jumped back in nervousness, as Raphael’s hands slowly travelled down from his waist to his shell and sliding down on his ass, which got firmly groped. Leo broke the kisses instantly and his head snapped back at the direction of Raph’s arms, then glanced back at Raph with a warning glare, yet still there was some curiosity. Raphael needed a longer moment to regain his composure and finally process what was happening. He blinked at Leo with a helpless, embarrassed expression, as Leo was examining him and the situation wondering.

               -Well uh....sorry...-Raphael cleared his throat nervously and rather shifted his hands back on Leo’s shell.

               Leo didn’t say anything, just looked at Raphael wondering, then nervously licked his own lips, as he reached back and grabbed one of Raphael’s arm and pushed it back low on his ass. His gaze locked on Raph’s as  he did so. At this point they were both wondering, as they hesitantly pushed boundaries. Leo then placed his hand back around Raphael’s neck, as Raphael let his hand settle on Leo’s ass. They just looked at each other for a moment unsure, seeking for some kind of allowance, permission, some kind of confirmation that this was not a problem. This was alright. This was not a big deal...right? Eventually they pressed lips together again, this time kissing slower, as they were rather focused on the foreign, yet nice feeling of frictions in their bodies. At first Raphael was unsure how to process this permission from Leo, but eventually he mustered some courage and gave a nice grope to Leo’s ass, they actually both shivered as how sudden and good and satisfying it felt. Leo couldn’t help, but give out a small noise, then unintentionally – as urges drove him- pressed his thigh to Raph’s more, as he clung to Raph even more, slightly made them bend lower, almost pulling Raph on himself as he was losing his balance.

               -We gonna fall..-Raph grumbled between kisses, lips pressed to Leo’s even when talking.

               -Hold us up, then. You’re the one with the muscles. – Leo grumbled back the same way.

               -You have yer own...-Raph grumbled back a bit irritated, then after a frustrating moment, he grabbed Leo under his ass, he roughly pushed him up, smacked against the wall, and as his legs spread, he pressed himself between his legs. Leo gave out a surprised noise, as he was held up like that, sandwiched between the wall and Raph, clinging to the other by reflex, pressing his thighs to Raphael’s sides as much as he could, for support. Raph grinned pleased, as Leo blinked down at him surprised. – Better?

               -I...I guess...mr.Muscleking... –Leo grumbled teasing, to somehow man up and not show his panic and nervousness, then gave in once more for Raphael’s intrusive kisses.

               When Leo finally felt too paniced to push even more boundaries, he broke the kisses and hid his burning face from too much pleasure simulation in Raph’s neck. It wasn’t good there either, his mind just got foggy from Raph’s scent.

               -Uh..I uh...we should go back to....uh....home..yeah, we should go home now. –Leo finally stammered out.

               -Yeah...yeah...we should... –Raphael this time wasn’t opposing at all. He admitted to himself too, that if they go any further, he’ll most likely start something dangerous and the least he wanted was to freak Leo out, especially when things were going so well.

               He stepped away from the wall a bit more, so he gave room for Leo to stand on his feet and step away from Raphael, although when he was put down, he could barely stand on his feet, Raphael assisting without any judgement, as he felt the same way.

               -Ya good? – he couldn’t help but as, as Leo was adjusting to finally regain his balance.

               -Yeah, yeah....-Leo grumbled as he pushed Raph’s aiding arms away from himself, wiped his mouth, as he inhaled and exhaled, trying to regain composure and calm down his built up excitement, the warmth and the slight erection that started to build up. He methodically turned away from Raphael, nodded appreciatively, then waved at the other to follow him, trying to adjust his walk and composure, as if nothing happened.

               Raphael silently followed him behind, trying his best not to stare at Leo’s ass, that was in his hand just before, feeling guilty for being such a perverted ass mutant. He was rather worried and wondering if Leo was truly alright with this, as last time Leo got rather annoyed. This time was way different, but Raphael couldn’t stop his paranoid worries. At this point, he definitely was into Leo that much and he definitely wanted this to continue with the other.

               Leo didn’t say anything anymore, just walked back to the lair silently, wondering, meanwhile Raph nervously trying to get any kind of sign that everything was honkey dorey between them, but he was too nervous and nothing came in his mind to initiate a conversation. When they finally sneaked in and approached their rooms, Leo turned at Raph and waved at him goodnight with an emotionaless expression. Raph nodded, bit his lips nervously, then before he could stop himself, he rushed to Leo’s door, as Leo was closing it, but stopped and rather looked up at Raph questioningly.

               -Hey uh...just wanted to know..if yer...angry or somethin’?

               Leo blinked surprised.

               -Why would I be?

               -’Cause uh...I fucked up again? – Raph nervously scratched his jaw.

               Leo couldn’t help but smile.

               -I mean....Jus-...-but before Raph could start a nonsense ramble, Leo planted a kiss on his lips.

               -Goodnight, Raph. – he whispered on a calm tone, then closed his door.

               Raph froze there with widened eyes, then made a triumphant pose, mutely shouting a supposedly loud SHELL YEAH, then rushed in his room, not that he could sleep after all that. Leo just threw himself on his bed, face planted in his pillow.

 Some regret started to ooze in, but the butterflies were still tickling his stomach. He gave out a lazy, yet comfortable groan, as he stretched and got rid of uncomfortable stuffs and stretched out on his bed. He actually started to feel exhausted after so much stimulation, all the energy he gained before disappeared and just left an exhausted mess of Leo. What just he allowed to happen and what more he reassured Raphael about was to think about for another day.


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I actually got more inspired and included some more scenes, before posting x.x Hope you'll like it! owo
> 
> P.S. I kind of imagined some small scenes how the four turtles were having fun together as I was listening to the song "Go up" by Pharell Williams and Cassius. Go check it out, if you want to, it's a nice song vwv

There was nothing feminine about Leonardo, yet he still was damn sexy and attractive as shell; Raphael thought, as he licked his dried out lips, his breathing evening. He stared at his hand filled with cum. Even now if he questioned it, he couldn’t find an answer how it happened. How he just fell for the fearless. Maybe there is no answer for such things, they just simply happen, because stupid feelings. Raph felt like he had way too many “unnecessary” feelings. No matter how he was praised and encouraged countless times by their father, master Splinter, he still felt like there were too many and they are just spilling out, like lava from a volcano. And it burned. It burned so badly him and the others. That never was his intention. He was simply like that. But one thing was for sure. He loved his family. He would give his life for his family and he will always risk his shell to protect them, no matter what. But right now, he really wanted that sweet response of affection from Leo. He was so impatient, he was so hopeful there’s finally someone, that understands him. Maybe. Just maybe. Why exactly Leonardo? That turtle is a mystery sometimes and Raph likes mystery, and adores the “hard-to-get”. Leo was both. He was disgustingly perfect. And yet still, he wasn’t even the slightest feminine, and yet still, he managed to steal Raphael’s love. That bastard. How dare he?! It took several months for Raphael to finally somehow get close to Leo. It was difficult, but managed and how sweet it was, that he could steal kisses and have an eager response from Leo. At this point he understood Leo better. He started to see through Leonardo’s thick mask of emotionless expressions, his neutral yet wondering gaze, such an enigma, such a mystery. But Raphael saw it now. Clearer and clearer. They differ in many things, yet they have so much in common and they perhaps even more as to compensate each other, like a Yin Yang. Raphael grew so fond and eager of diving deeper and deeper in the fearless’ personal space. He was way too impatient. Leonardo always kept reminding him, that what they allow to happen should not supposed to happen. Raphael was aware full well about the fact, that this is not something that supposed to happen. It still did. And even if Leonardo stays neutral, Raphael still kept his hopes up, that maybe, just maybe Leonardo will finally admit he likes Raph too.

Raphael sighed. What a big idiot he was. He was yearning for his own brother like a desperate man for the woman in those movies and books he saw and read. Courting so determined to get the woman of his dreams, being so fond of his beloved muse. And yet there was nothing feminine about Leonardo. He was not a muse. Definitely in no shape or form. He was a fairly masculine mutant turtle, just like Raphael. And yet he was so damn sexy and attractive. He could even be cute. Raphael got up with a groan and grabbed a towel to clean himself before it all dries. Needed to make all the evidences disappear. Even if Leonardo accepted neutrally, halway for both of them to explore, Raphael knew, that it could be anytime, when Leonardo finally tells him to stop. How could they go „back to normal” after all that?! It was impossible! Raphael threw the now dirty towel to the corner annoyed, he glanced up at the onbviously erotic poster of a woman on his wall beside the cars and what not. He frowned. He definitely enjoyed the sight of a woman body and definitely would want to touch one. And yet there he was, giving up everything and just wanting his own brother, Leonardo. The thought killed him, that burning thought, that kept lingering in his mind unresolved: Was Leonardo ever feeling the same for him? When they kissed? Or when they hugged? What if Leonardo just used Raphael for his own personal fun, meanwhile Raphael was havin actual feelings? Raph closed his eyes, shook his head. It was enough. He was already impatient and grumpy enough for the morning. The least he needed were the troubling thoughts and aching feelings to focus on. Even pleasing himself didn’t really help. He wanted the real deal more and more, as times passed and he kept being with Leo, especially getting physical with Leonardo. He never could see Leonardo happy with him. He could see him calm and sometimes sassy, flirty, or very strict, but never happy and Raphael wanted Leonardo to be happy. Just with him, just for him, that kind of happiness, that is mutual and only shared between them, something personal, something intimate. He also wanted physically more. Maybe he got way too assertive in the past few days. Leonardo seemed to get more and more flustered and wasn’t prepared for so many kisses or stopped them at the worst times. Raphael needed to recollect himself and finally stop himself again. He was pouring too much and Leonardo started to get overwhelmed and Raphael did not want to fuck this up. So he came up with the idea to reassure Leonardo they don’t need to spend time together always. Obviously he blurted in Leonardo’s face in a very rude way, as if he didn’t want to see Leonardo, because Leonardo is a piece of shit. Of course that is not how he meant, how much he wished he could control his temper better. Even if he later went back and apologized and reassured Leonardo again it was okay for them to not always hang out at nights, it really annoyed him how relieved Leonardo was. This could mean Leonardo didn’t even want to spend so much time with him as much as he wanted to be with Leonardo. Of course Raphael had his antisocial moments, but now he was „on a mission”, a very serious life mission: He wanted Leonardo. That was certain at this point. It went all well, until Leonardo got a tad bit tired. And he, finally holding back a bit, giving space to Leonardo, acting as if it was something Raphael himself was okay with – no, he definitely wasn’t okay with that, he wanted to meet each night and get physical, because it was so damn exciting and it felt so damn good- and convinced both of them, that that is what they needed. This was so damn difficult, but he knew he needed to let this happen, or Leonardo will definitely give him the boot too soon. He kind of got jealous about everything. The teacup, that got Leonardo’s attention more than him each morning or anything that got Leonardo’s attention more, than him at nights. Meanwhile he was angry and impatient and nothing was fun anymore at hours he wanted to be with Leo. Even the forced jerk offs didn’t feel pleasing anymore, it just made him even more pissed off. He went out to take a shower, at this point he didn’t care to hold back his grumpy mood. He shuffled like a big old grumpy fart at the shower.

-Yo, where were you, dude, you totally missed the morning training, didn’t you heard Don was being at your door? Are you okay? What’s with the long face? Hey! – Mikey popped up with full energy beside Raphael and accompanied him on his road to the bathroom.

-Let him be, Mikey, he’s pretty close to punch you. – Don mumbled to Mikey, as he came out of the dojo. Then when Raphael approached them more, he tried with the friendliest and nicest tone. – Good morning, sleepyhead! I mean..Raph...uh....would you like some coffee? No...? Uh, okay! I’ll go mind my business in my lab, then!

Raphael just grumbled something inaudible to them, something like a „mornin’” or a „no”. This felt like the longest walk to the showers.

-Good morning, Raphael.

Raphael’s stomach turned from that emotionless, strict, yet smooth voice. It both made him even more pissed and fluttery at the same time.

-Mhm. – grumbled, feeling those sharp eyes burning his skin, but he ignored, finally trying to escape to the bathroom.

-Do whatever you need to, however I’d like to talk with you later. – Leonardo said politely, his voice firm. It was definitely a statement with a „yes” or „ok” answer, and definitely a statement that will not be forgotten and will have conscequinces if it’s not taken seriously. Then Leonardo headed to the kitchen. – Meet me at the dojo. – he barked the next order, then disappeared in the kitchen, without waiting any answer for Raphael.

Raphael just rolled his eyes, and waved a „sure” to Leo, then slammed the shower door. He really wasn’t in the mood for a lecture.

-Ooooofff, big boy’s in trouble!..Again. –Mikey said on a cinematic way, but he was pulled away by the ends of his bandana by Donatello.

-Come on, playtime for us, until these two go through the next mutant turtle apocalypse. – Donatello said on a bored tone, as he pulled Mikey at the lab, who really much had fun, as he couldn’t see anything as his bandana holeds slipped to the side, since Donatello grabbed and held him so firmly and pulled him, while Mikey was tripping sometimes.

-Hehe, like....Mutant War uh....I can’t count which one. 1000? I’m sure we’re at thounsand at this point!

-We didn’t even live so much time, though... –Don finally let Mikey go, as he adjusted the other’s bandana and already handed him some tools. Somehow Mikey was a good assistant sometimes.

-Yeah, but they’re bickering so much, like....they slowly turn into like...you know, those old grumpy couples from the movies! – then Mikey started imitatring an old man. – Mary, where’s the dinner?! – then he switched to an old lady act and higher voice – Cook your own dinner, you old bastard! – then back to the old man – What did you say, woman?!

Donatello couldn’t help, but laugh, then he packed Mikey’s arms with more tools, then waved at him to follow him to their truck to adjust some upgrades, meanwhile Mikey was rambling about what more would be awesome to add to it.

Leonardo was meditating in the dojo, when he heard the familiar heavy footsteps. He didn’t move. Raphael glared at Leo, who was not facing him, then rolled his eyes, walked and flopped on the ground in front of Leo, glaring at him, impatiently waiting for Leo to finally stop the meditation and get over the lecture. Leonardo took his time, then finally inhaled deeply and let the air out smoothly with a stretching like movement, then  blinked and looked at Raphael, hesitantly trying a half smile, but seeing the other’s grumpy glare, he kept his emotionless expression.

-You skipped training.

-Yeah, so?

Leonardo forwned strictly.

-When you skip training, that means you are having issues.

-None of yer business?

-Raphael, come on.... –Leo groaned, massaging his forehead tiredly.

Raphael sighed, looked away annoyed, ignoring Leo’s gaze.

-Hey....-Leo murmured on a smoother, lighter, kind tone, as he tilted his head at Raphael’s glare’s direction, as he leaned a bit closer.

Raphael frowned harder, still ignoring Leo.

-What do ye want me fer? – Raphael growled on a deep, silent, irritated tone.

-Hm. – Leo’s eyes narrowed, as he examined Raph, then jumped up with skilled, easy movements. - Come on, then. – he ordered, as he got on a slow, stretching tai chi pose.

Raphael glanced up to see what was demanded, then groaned, laying back on his shell.

-Are ye fuckin’ kiddin’ me?!

-Watch your language and no, I am pretty serious. We are going to do tai chi to relax your mind and work your muscles.

-Ye know it doesn’t fuckin’ work on me! It jus’ makes me even more angry! – Raphael complained as he got up on a pace of an old man. – These muscles ... – he smacked his flexed biceps -that Leo thought amused, it was the width of his thigh- These muscles were built for rough, not for smooth!

-Well negotiate with those muscles to work like how ninja muscles should work. – Leo said, then pointed with his gaze for Raphael to get beside him and start copying his movements.

Raphael groaned, he still tried to oppose by just standing there, but then gave in and got beside Leo. It wasn’t actually easy to calm down enough to somehow copy Leo’s leading movements. He was rough and clumsy and annoyed. Eventually he lost his patience and stood up from the current movement.

-Okay, enough or I’m gonna punch somethin’!

Leo took his time to finish and make the finishing movement, then stood up.

-Spar?

-Ya don’ wanna right now, trust me.

-Alright, but the training is not finished yet. – Leo wondered for a moment, then waved Raph over to the boxing bag, grabbing it, suggesting he will hold it for Raphael.

Raphael shrugged, then did what came natural, not holding himself back, even if Leo sometimes swinged out of his balance.

-Pretty tough, huh? – Leo said, as he looked at Raphael beside the bag from head to toe.

-Mhm. – Raphael said, as he wasn’t really paying attention, just enjoying the punches.

-Angry much?

-Aham.

-Why?

-C’ause....always.

-About?

-Anythin’.

-Me?

Raphael stopped and glared at Leo.

-No?

-Lying much?

Raphael sighed, placed his forehead against the bag. Leonardo pressed his cheek beside the bag as he patiently waited.

-I’m angry ’bout myself. – he finally mumbled.

Leonardo didn’t say anything, just glanced at the direction of the dojo’s door. He went there and closed it, then walked back to Raphael and without any words, just pulled the other into a tight embrace. Raphael just followed the movements obediently and placed his chin on Leo’s shoulder as he loosely wrapped his arms around Leo’s waist. It was actually much pleasant for Leonardo sometimes, that with very simple body language they could just understand each other. As he grew more and more closer to Raphael and he was understanding the other more and more, he actually wondered many times how the shell could they misunderstand each other so much, when they had so much in common, that perhaps others wouldn’t understand.

-Sometimes it hurts...-Raphael said silently.

Leonardo closed his eyes as he tightened his embrace.

-Is there something that can cease it? – Leo asked silently.

-No, ’cause it’s not possible.

-Who’s or what is standing in the way?

-Fuckin’ life? This fuckin’ unfair shit.

-Oh...

-Sometimes....I wish ye could hold me longer...like this.

Leo bit his lower lip, he wasn’t sure if he should react to that, yet it was on the tip of his tongue to spill it out how he wished he could hold him longer indeed.

-Do you want to hang out tonight? – Leo finally asked.

-No. We agreed we don’t need to.

-Nights passed already without us going out, we could.

-I don’t wanna, ’cause ye don’t wanna. – Raphael finally broke the embrace.

-I never said I don’t want to. You said we don’t have to... – Leo frowned.

-Whatever, man. – Raphael said, as he started to walk at the dojo door. – We should eat or somethin’...-he said as he glanced back.

Leonardo sighed, as he walked after Raphael silently, buried deep in his thoughts.

In the kitchen Raphael got his classic cereal and milk, grabbed the comic Mikey left on the table, absent-mindedly checking the pages. Leonardo prepared some tea and some toast, still wondering, glanced at Raphael, then wondered again hesitantly. Maybe he was doing something wrong again. At this point he was sure Raphael was angry at him about something, just –as always- it was difficult to get it out of Raphael. However Leonardo genuinely was clueless about Raphael’s problem. He actually wondered, thinking it might actually be the problem, that he is not good at expressing his emotions well. He grabbed his tea and plate and finally with determination, even if his mind awkwardly dictating for him to sit away from Raphael, he rather ambitioned himself to sit right next to Raphael, in a way he pulled the chair closer. When he was still ignored, as he bit and crunched on his toast, he slid even closer, bumping his shoulder into Raphael’s. Raphael frowned at the spoon in his hand, as some milk spilled from it back into the bowl as his arm was bumped by Leo’s, then glared at Leonardo, who munched on his toast with a funny face.

-Ya look like a hamster. – Raphael snorted.

-Hm? – Leo blinked with a playful „oblivious” expression.

-I said ya look like a hamster. – Raphael put his spoon down and pointed at his cheeks, suggesting Leo’s cheeks.

-Oh reawhy? You loowk liwke a ...a....-Leo swallowed- ...a big turtleman.

Raphael sniggered silently, then playfully pushed Leo’s shoulder with his for a moment.

-Turtleman... –Raphael repeated amused, as he chuckled more, continuing with his breakfast, brushing his thigh to Leo’s, who din’t pull away.

Leo smiled contently, proud of himself, as he silently ate his meal further.

After they were done, Raphael joined his two brothers, curious what they were doing, meanwhile Leonardo went to Master Splinter.

Raphael’s mood actually got better, as he was helping Mikey and Donatello, until they went out to grab some pizza from their usual dude, then went together on a rooftop, all four fooling around as they used to, chatting, mocking people, laughing, gossipping about some people they randomly spotted from above or just simply enjoying the breeze up there, pointing at birds, Mikey and Raphael getting into a friendly wrestling, then all four amusingly fighting for the last slice of pizza, eventually it ripping into pieces and fast everyone grab what they could from its remains. After that they visited Casey and April, then at night they went for a patrol. They arrive home pretty late, Master Splinter was always up and there, waiting for his sons, examining all four of them for their well being and in what shape or form they came back home, they all cheerfully greeting their father and minding their own business. Donatello still rushed back to his lab, Mikey sat down to the computer, Raphael grabbed some beer he stacked from Casey and sat down on the couch to drink some, as he comfortably stratched, Leo was the only one stopping at Master Splinter with a smile.

-We came back without any problems, sensei. Nobody saw us and we ate well. Oh yes, and we also visited April and Casey. They seem to decide for real to move together, April told me to tell you, that she’d like you to visit them tomorrow.

-Glad to hear that, my son. – his ears twitched curiously. – Is that so? I might as well visit her tomorrow, then. It was a long time I actually visited ms. O’Neil.

-I am more than sure they will need and appreciate your help, sensei. – Leonardo smiled.

-Thank you, Leonardo. If you excuse me, I’ll retreat to prepare the perfect gift for them. – the old rat said excited and he went to his room.

Leonardo bowed respectfully, then turned around, examining which brother was where and what was doing. The first thought was to go and sit with Raphael, but he bit his lip, getting hesitant again. He was overthinking, he was surely overthinking, but he couldn’t help it. He thought if he goes directly to Raphael, maybe it will look off in the other brothers’ eyes. Even if Donatello wasn’t around, Mikey was there and sometimes conversing with Raphael. So Leonardo decided to move beside Mikey.

-What’cha doin’? – Leo asked playfully.

Mikey grinned.

-Dude, I am checkin’ some of the new funny videos!

-Sounds like fun! – Leo curiously glanced at the screen, where compliation of funny videos popped up, he actually managed to laugh with Mikey. This attracted Raph’s attention too, so he joined them.

Eventually Mikey got tired and just left them there, even the computer.

-Mikey, shut the computer down after you used it! – Raphael scolded him.

-You’re there, shut it down! Thanks! – he grinned as he slowly closed his door.

Raphael shook his head, then actually did shut it down and cleaned up after Mikey. Leonardo couldn’t help, but smile, as he watched Raphael being the good big brother, taking care of the little chaotic brother’s mess so caringly. He couldn’t help, but go helping Raphael, then as they washed dished together, he fast pressed a kiss on the other’s cheek.

-I’ll handle it from here, you can go ahead and rest.

Raphael froze for a moment, he could barely hold back not to attack Leonardo’s lips, but tensed up and controlled himself.

-Nah, I got this, ya go. I’m not tired anyways...

-Well, we can still...you know....I’ll go tuck Don in too and we just...-Leo pointed at the exit with his head.

-Yeah well...-Raphael swallowed hard, swallowing his pulsating eagerness back, stubbornly keeping himself to his thoughts and decisions. – Tomorrow..? – delaying a day should be enough.

Leo shrugged, then went to Don, dragged him out of his lab to his room, then went back to check if Raphael was still at the kitchen, but Raphael wasnát there anymore, so he went to his room with a sigh. He still had some energy left, so he decided to read some. He got comfortable in his bed, when after a while he heard a silent knock. He blinked surprised, then opened the door, looking up at Raphael.

-Hey.. –Leo whispered, a bit concerned there was a problem, considering Raphael’s nervous expression.

-Can I....? –Raphael motioned at Leo’s room.

-Sure...-Leo stepped aside, then closed his door after Raphael.

Raphael stood in front of Leo’s bed, then sat down, looking at Leo, who was looking back at him curiously.

-Readin’?

-Yup, pretty much, before sleep.

-Is it a prob if I join ya? Just for a little while, then I go back to my room...-Raphael asked nervously, hesitantly.

-No problem! I mean....I’m not sure if I have any book that you’d be interested in, but we can-...

-No, no..I mean... –Raphael interrupted Leo and snuck up on his bed, moving around to finally get into a comfortable position. – Sheesh, beds....-he grumbled, when finally found the best and most comfortable position, then waved at Leo.

Leo froze there, eyes widened and felt like heat immediately burtsted in his face, holding his book closer to himself, like a shield. Raphael made a nervous expression at Leo’s freak out, but still pushed his luck a bit further.

-Don’t worry, I’m not gonna eat ya up....nor do anythin’...we just...chill.

-Y-yeah...sure. – Leo said as he swallowed hard, slowly approaching the bed, still tense and embarrassed, not sure what or where and how he supposed to do or act. His mind was filled with clumsiness and some kind of curiosity and excitement. For him, what Raphael was suggesting wasn’t a just chill category, it looked like a fairly intimate gesture. It maybe wouldn’t be such a big problem, since he hugged and even kissed or even made out with Raphael before, but them on His bed, being so close, where he used to fantasize about the turtle that was currently on his bed, was a different story.

Raphael noticing how Leonardo didn’t know what to do with himself, he got up a bit and with a firm pull, he pulled Leo closer, the other still staring at him helplessly, until finally with Raphael’s eager, deep, yet calming murmurs, got in an incredibly comfortable position, one of Raph’s arms loosely wrapped around his shoulders, pressed closed, but not on a bothering way at all. It took a good while, until Leonardo could calm down and slowly loosen his muscles that felt sore from the tension, then just helplessly slumped in Raph’s arms and the bed. It actually was very comfortable and feeling safe. Heat ran through Leo’s body, as Raphael pressed his nose to his cheek, chilling there like that. Leonardo swallowed hard, as he finally raised his book, trying to act as cool as possible. After a time he actually managed to loosen up enough, to just enjoy Raphael’s presence like that, who sometimes actually asked about the book’s content or commented about some lines or just stayed silent and cuddling with him. It was actually shocking for Leo at a certain point seeing Raphael’s softer side. It was actually very attractive and nice.

Being so warmed up like that, Leo actually started to feel sleepy and actually dozed off, pressing his forehead to Raph’s neck, giving out a sleepy, content sound. Raph grinned pleased, just took his time staying there longer, then gently pulled away, taking the book from Leo, kissing his forehead, then sliding off of the bed. Leo frowned, eyes still closed, curling up more, giving out a displeased whimper, as cold hit him, not having Raphael’s warmth beside him.

-Night. – Raphael whispered, as he grinned and went to the door backwards, still just looking at Leo.

-Mmmh.....-Leo whimpered back a complaining, sleepy noise, pulling the cover more on himself.

Raphael closed the lamp installed for Leo for reading, put the book down, then left the room, rushing back to his room, still the smug grin on his face.


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, already at chapter 12 and yet I started to summarize more ideas o.o Well, I hope you all still stick around and enjoy! ^^ 
> 
> Ohhoo, Leo is starting to realize things. What will happen, hmmmm?

              Donatello was examining Leo, as the other was in an unusual good mood the next day. Since April called Donatello, that Master Splinter, or the whole family should visit the next day so they all had a free day, Leo asked Don to help him tinker, as he wanted to learn something new, while Raph was doing something with Mikey, probably some „we are cool boys and one day we will have a music channel on social media” or talking about fun things or Raphael teaching Mikey something useful. Don was actually glad he was the one who was picked by Leo, who also seemed to want to learn some new mechanic skills. The only problem was, Leo’s interest and knowledge and talent for science was very superficial. He always wanted the good results, as if everything was done by the snap of the fingers. Yes, Donatello made it look easy, but it was the result of a lot of built up details. Donatello knew fixing the picked radio with Leo will be a headache. Yes, it was. Leo kept asking questions, he didn’t understand half of the answer, then asked them again, then got impatient and lost motivation many times. This really wasn’t his cup of tea, but Donatello didn’t make any comment. He patiently tried to show and explain Leo the simplest of ways or suggest him easier ways, because Leo always wanted to take control of the situation, but he didn’t have enough knowledge for it, but Donatello kept saying „ok” and „sure” to every „I got this!” from Leo, although it never really was right. He didn’t comment anything on the fact Leo kept snatching away his tools and put them back on the wrong way. Don kept arranging them back as errors in precision with tools really killed his detailed mind.  He also didn’t comment when Leo had some impossible and scientifically  inappropriate ideas, but they were still interesting for Don to listen to them, wondering where Leo came up with those. However, beside science, he couldn’t help, but notice how Leo’s vibe was changing to something better, from that tension of strictness. Either way, it was a good afternoon.

               -Is it ok like this?

               -Yes, now you can put the back side of the radio back. You just simply-..

               -Screw it up, yes! – Leo said, as he confidently grabbed the right tool, finally.

               -Good, you’re catching up fast. – Don smiled.

               -Thank you for your patience, brother. – Leo smiled back.

               For a moment he started wondering, why is it that he doesn’t feel so strange and awkward around Donatello, why doesn’t he feel the constant need to hug him and why is that there’re no butterflies in stomach and the want to get closer, much closer.

               -I-is everything alright? – Don asked a bit hesitantly.

               Leo blinked, nodded silently and smiled. He didn’t notice how lost in his thoughts he was and how he was glaring at the radio.

               -I was just..wondering about something.

               -Well you can tell me, maybe I can help? – Don offered kindly.

               -No, thank you, but it’s nice of you. – Leo said and he suddenly started to miss Raphael, wondering what he was up to, where was he, what was he doing with Mikey, he then remembered a glimpse of comforting moment from last night snuggles.

               -So...

               -What do you think about Raphael? – Leo blurted out accidentally, both Don and he looked surprised. – I mean...-he fast tried to correct himself, he wasn’t that observant how tricky it was to chat with Donatello sometimes, like Raph knew. – Do you uh...think he is changing?

               Don made a smile, he really was trying to put things together right away.

               -I guess. He’s still grumpy and all. I can see, however, that you’re doing better.

               -T-thanks....-Leo grumbled, somehow disappointed by the answer.

               -And what do you think about him? – Don grinned.

               Leo looked away feeling heat rising to his cheeks.

               -Well, ....I am trying to...well I try to make him understand me and I understanding him? – Leo tried his best to keep his composure.

               -Aham. And how’s that going?

               -I...I don’t know? I mean as long as noone else sees some changes in the family, I can’t tell if I’m succeeding. – Leo said more confidently, proud of his smart answer.

               -Oh. I guess you are. – Don patted Leo’s shell with a suggestive grin, then they headed to get Raph and Mikey to start the evening training.

               Leo had the funny idea to have the training for strong movements and meanwhile shouting random  Japanese words, he even had the best samurai style voice acting, and made his brothers laugh, but they all laughed, as they tried and imitated Japanese fighting men accents and shouts, yet they were shouting such words as „sushi” and „kutsu”.

               On the evening, they all settled down for some video gaming, even Donatello sat down, as he was curious about the game Mikey asked for. Raphael and Mikey ended up arguing on which of the customized characters would look like them. Michelangelo kept telling Raphael, that he picks the wrong character and he knew Raphael could customize a character better, meanwhile Raphael stubbornly wanted to keep himself to the awful looking and definitely not his type of customization. Donatello tried to settle them down, meanwhile Leo spoke to their father and he actually was eagerly wondering to make some sushi. When he heard his brothers bickering, he excused himself and went to check what happened, but Raphael was already running off.

               -Gee, Raph, come on, dude, I’m sorry! – Mikey tried, although he really was meaning to tell very positive compliments, which Raphael did not accept.

               -Just let him be. – Donatello sighed.

               -Oookay, what happened? – Leonardo frowned, as he stepped in front of them.

               -I just tried to tell him nice things and he got pissed off. – Mikey rolled his eyes as he sulked, Donatello petted his shell comfortingly.

               -Maybe you should say badass things next time. – Don offered.

               Leonardo sighed.

               -It’s alright, Mikey, I’ll go and talk with him. – Leo already turned to rush off after Raphael.

               -Maybe don’t, I just don’t want you guys to argue because of me... – Mikey looked after Leo with a worried expression.

               -Nah, I’m sure he can handle it. – Donatello smiled reassuring both, but his smile didn’t reassure Leo at all, he sensed some suspicion, but didn’t have the time for that.

               After a long searching, he couldn’t find Raphael, he even disturbed Casey and April at a wrong time, but tried to act as if he saw nothing. It got late, so Leonardo gave up and rather went back home. He barely could hide his worry and frustration where Raphael was and he felt awful, when later realized he might have ruined everyone’s night by always keep directing focus on Raphael. He thought it was time to clear his mind, so he went to the dojo for some meditation. Since everyone retreated to their rooms, the silence was ruling the lair. Finally he allowed himself to have a moment to not ignore, nor be afraid, rather think his emotions through a bit. Him without even realizing, Raphael gave more and more fuel to his covered up emotions and desires and they surfaced more and more, as if that supposed to be natural, yet weeks or perhaps even months before, Leonardo treated them all as wrong, bad thoughts and emotions to have and should not supposed to be even exist.

               Eventually Leonardo took a deep breath, exhaled and opened his eyes with a confident, firm sparkle in his eyes. He finally understood. He stretched, then went to get some tea and wash the dishes. He tensed up, when he heard the familiar heavy footsteps. He eagerly wanted to turn around and do what came natural, scold and lecture Raphael for his tantrum with Mikey and how he exaggerated things, but instead he just stayed there and rather eagerly hoping to gain Raphael’s attention. He was at luck, as Raphael came in and grabbed some beer. Leonardo still didn’t turn around, he felt Raphael presence.

               -Hey...-Raphael initiated, as he walked beside Leo and leaned against the counter.

               -Hello. –Leo managed a faint smile.

               Raphael didn’t say anything, he seemed to expect something with an impatient frown. Leo didn’t say anything.

               -Aren’t you going to scold me or something...

               -No. All I ask for is you to reconcile with Michelangelo.

               -I will, no worries.

               -Even if he forgets the whole argument happened?

               -Pf, Leo, trust me he doesn’t. Just ’cause he pretends, it doesn’t mean he forgets. He just acts cool. I know him. – Raphael grunted, as he sipped from his beer.

               -Hm. Can I ask where were you?

               -Out?

               -More precisely? – Leo glanced up at Raphael.

               Raphael shrugged.

               -Jus’ out.

               -Mhm...

               Raphael put the beer down and rather smoothly brushed against Leo, as he embraced the other from behind, placed his cheek on Leo’s shoulder, as he slightly rocked them in place, meanwhile allowed his hands to slowly run down from Leo’s sides to his waist and thighs.

               -Still in the mood to go out? – Raph whispered on a suggesting tone.

               Leonardo swallowed, as heat built up in his body. There was a wild thought running through his mind as he wanted to say he’d rather have Raphael in his room, but held it back.

               -I think it’s very late now, we wouldn’t be able to spend much time outside. Besides, you were out already.

               -It’s different, when I’m with ya...

               Leo sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment. Somehow the familiar feeling of guilt ran through his mind, as even thought warning himself, he still turned around, wrapped his arms around Raphael’s neck and pulled him into rough kissing. This passiveness over common sense he showed, just attacking Raphael right there and then, this eagerness he allowed to himself still felt wrong. But he understood now. Even though he understood why were the frustrating feelings, how he could react way better at this situation and treat Raphael _differently_ , than this, he still just let it all go and selfishly expressed his eagerness, starving for that excitement and pleasure they both needed to hold back for days and pretend as if everything is just fine and none of them both needed any of this. The more he wanted to oppose himself and finally stop and break away, the more angry and needy he got. Raphael couldn’t help, but give out a helpless groan in pleasure, as he could barely catch up with Leo’s impatient roughness, however losing control like that just turned Raphael on even more. He didn’t quite understand why Leonardo got so wild, but he definitely liked it. Leonardo was just simply hot like this.

As the make out session got heated and sometimes even needed to fight for some taking breaths, Raphael grabbed and made Leo sit on the counter, but still hugged him closer, as Leo wrapped his legs around him as much as he could. Leo lowered his hands and absent-mindenly ran down from Raphael’s shoulders through his arms, then sneaked in between them, running them through Raphael’s plastron, as he couldn’t keep his lips away from Raph’s. Raphael gave out a muffled, pleased grumble as he grabbed Leonardo’s thighs firmly and Pulled them roughly at himself more, but as he was also leaning in and kissing Leo roughly, as Leo’s lower side was sliding closer to Raphael, his upper side was being pushed back and resulted the back of his head being crashed against the cupboard installed over the counter. They both froze from the sudden loud noise, Raphael broke the kiss Looking at Leo concerned.

               -Ow.. –Leo grumbled, as he couldn’t help, but smile goofily.

               -Sorry...ya okay?

               -Fine. –Leo sat up more, as Raphael planted an apology kiss on his lips, but then he couldn’t stop himself to shower Leo’s lips with small pecks. – I guess....the kitchen is not the ....right place for this...-Leo grumbled between pecks.

               -Myeah...-Raphael said, he still wasn’t really paying attention, as he more than willingly wanted to continue making out.

               -R-Raph, we should...we should stop... –Leo tried, as he finally regained some composure, him turning on started to make him frustrated and nervous.

               -Whyyy...come onnnn .. –Raphael groaned disappointed, still trying to lure Leo back in the mood, he actually felt ready to go further for something more.

               -Raph, please, just....I guess we ..it’s enough for tonight... –Leo tried to state more firmly as he lightly pushed Raphael to step aside.

               -I already said sorry, I could kiss it better! –Raphael tried, but when he saw Leo was not willing to give in, he stepped away, rather sitting at the table with his beer and sulking.

               -That’s nice of you, but it’s not because of that. It’s just....it’s just that we need to stop. –Leo tried to reconcile, as he took a few deeper breaths to calm down.

               -Ya always do this. Always ruin the moment by breakin’ it at the worst possible fuckin’ moments...

               Leo sighed. He really didn’t have any excuse for that.

               -Look, Raph....I guess we should actually sit down one of these days urgently and talk about these..uhm...these kind of activities we keep allowing to ourselves....

               -Well shit, guess what, I’m not interested in hearin’ it! – Raphael annoyedly smacked the bottle in the sink, it breaking and rushing off to his room.

               Leonardo flinched, then glared at Raphael, then sighed, cleaned up and went to his room. It annoyed him incredibly a lot how awfully Raphael acted out. As he calmed down and thought even more as he waited to sleep and thought about things, suddenly he understood why Raphael got so angry. Raphael always added his lowering thought that Leonardo could say „no” for all of that one day, by calling it „giving him the boot”. Maybe he thought Leonardo was finally wanting to do that. Leonardo frowned, actually asking himself, whether if he should really stopped this all. The thought annoyed him too. He didn’t just want to stop. Of course his rational mind warned him that that would be the right thing to do. To just lie to Raphael, that whatever they did he never enjoyed it for real and that he can no longer continue it, yet the reality was, he was enjoying it just as much as Raphael, but he also knew that is something that he should not admit, he already did a bad job holding it back as he should. He finally also understood, that he was afraid to admit it, because he was afraid if he has a final answer, everything will change. He was scared of the responsibility, that was so heavy and big. He still wanted to keep everything what he had with his family, with all the family members, not just Raphael. Just because he had other feelings for Raphael, he could not give up his family and their traditions only to have only Raphael. It sounded scary as shell. He was overwhelmed and scared what heavens Raphael could take him and that just cause him to be more and more selfish and just forget that even Master Splinter or Mikey or Donatello or April and Casey even exists. This frightening thought held him back. And it also scared him if he admits he likes Raphael or allowing himself to admit sometimes he has the wild thought as he wants Raphael sexually, Raphael will be so eager he won’t even want to hear Leonardo’s concerns and will never want to understand him again. He tried to reassure himself that only he was paranoid and he should actually confront Raphael. He needed to finally man up and confront Raphael and his overwhelming, frightening big passion and flood of emotions.

 

Leonardo’s confidence from the previous day dissolved for the morning, only the panicking thought stuck in his mind, completely freaked out about the fact that last night he actually wanted to have sex with Raphael and at this point he was certain the confident emotion won’t go away that easily. He felt frustrated from the mood of feeling kinky, didn’t even want to leave his room, eventually deciding to have a quick jerk off and just keep it together. He kept his composure, as he started his morning routines, waited for his brothers, barely could look into Raphael’s eyes, who ignored him anyways. They actually had Master Splinter accompanying them in the dojo for the morning training. Leo was actually grateful, as he really wasn’t in the right state to keep the training well.

Leonardo ended up spending most of the day alone or with their father, as Raphael was assertively seeking for Donatello’s and Mikey’s attention, as if seeking for comfort. He actually already considered that Leo will definitely give him the boot on any day now. He might have been saved for the day, as they planned to go to April’s, as was agreed. Obviously the tension between Leonardo and Raphael was so pressuring, that even Mikey sensed it, but Donatello kept shaking his head at him to not mention it. They also knew Master Splinter sensed it and seemed like preparing to confront his sons, but he still just observed them. Leo’s mood worsened til the time they needed to prepare to go.

-Would it be a problem if I stay at home...? – Leo asked his family hesitantly.

At the question even Raphael raised his head curiously.

-I’ve noticed you don’t seem to feel alright. If you need some time of solitude, you may stay home. – Master Splinter said, as he patted Leo’s arms reassuringly.

-Yay, that means if April prepared some goodies, then I can have Leo’s piece! – Mikey grinned, then got a smack from Don.

Raphael glared at Leo annoyed, he did that annoying thing where he stubbornly glared at Leo until their gaze met and had a non-verbal argument, but Leo kept up a faint smile and ignored him.      

-Thank you, sensei. Have a safe trip and have fun! – Leo bowed at his family.

Raphael waited until the others went ahead and he stepped back, leaning in Leo’s face.

-Seriously?! – Raphael growled between his teeth.

-Just go. – Leo whispered back with a firm, emotionless expression.

Mikey looked back questioningly, but Don pulled him out on the exit.

-I won’t go, if ya don’t.

-Raphael, please...

-Do ya really hate bein’ with me this much?

-Raphael, just go. Why would everything be about you?! Whatever I do, it’s not just only about you!

Raphael blinked surprised.

-Why would everythin’ be ’bout me...? – he asked confused.

Leo lowered his head in embarrassment. That was indeed a stupid thing to say.

-Sorry, just..go...

Raphael sighed, then shrugged, giving up. He looked at the exit, noone was there, so he grabbed Leo’s chin and raised Leo’s head. Leo sighed, closed his eyes. He really didn’t want this kiss...

.....

 ..then he opened his eyes, as there were no kisses, just a Raphael smiling at him reassuringly, gently patting his cheek as a sign of saying „lighten up, bro”, then went off. The softness and the simple gesture from Raphael did magic for Leo. It actually made his day. It was just a simple brotherly gesture, that Leo was starting to be uncertain in the last days, that Raphael will ever show between them again. The sexy, eager Raphael was attractive and he enjoyed him, but he missed the Raphael, that was simply just his grumpy, yet emotional, sweet, big softie brother.

Leo just stood there with a wide smile, shivering in satisfaction and the warm feeling in his heart, that his family carved there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I recall well, the Japanese word "kutsu" means shoes owo


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oohhuuu, sorry for the delays! ^^" Ooopsiieeee, it seems we finally reach to the point where Raphael cannot bear my slow burn and Leo's slow paced catching up torment and he finally made a move

Deep silence is the best ally of a troubled mind, would say master Splinter. Leo was troubled. He needed time. Time, time, time. He always just needed time. It was starting to get frustrating even for him how slow paced he was, when it came to feelings or himself, compared to his brothers. It was so different and easy to solve others’ issues, be attentive to make sure his family is safe and their well-being is in top shape. He felt like succeeding more than that in the past few months. He allowed himself to pay attention to his own self. Recognize what he is actually capable of emotionally. But even if he knew and analyzed and tried, Raphael still caused him a hard time. Here he was, trying to calm himself down, as he panicked out again, like a silly immature teenager, who doesn’t know much about life. He supposed to pass that phase at this point. It was embarrassing. He wanted to view situations like a true adult, even if It was a sensitive subject, like sexual matters, he wanted to treat it as maturely as possible. Yet here he was freaking out, that the day before, a desire crossed his mind confidently and it was no other than him wanting to get physical with Raphael. Of course, he was aware, that at this point he shouldn’t freak out, because things happened between him and Raphael before and Raphael, but even him, kept pushing their limits. Leo treated that behavior of his as being selfish. It was wrong, yet he couldn’t help it.

Leo frowned, inhaled, then exhaled slowly and deeply. This meditation wasn’t working out. He needed to calm his mind more and get over his fears. Instead of fearing his thoughts or facing Raphael and constantly feeling awkward and embarrassed, he needed to step up. In order to do that, he needed to regain his confidence he had the other day.

And then his mind went blank from feeling overwhelmed. Leo groaned and gave up meditating, just laying on the dojo floor, staring at the ceiling. Whiny and complaining thoughts started to fill his mind how he wanted comfort from Raphael, how good it’d feel to have Raphael, like that night when they cuddled, feeling so safe and comfortable, just allowing himself to be “selfish” for letting Raphael be in control and be the protective one, yet Leo in no space or universe would allow any brother to take care of him in any shape or form. He was the perfect, strong, brave, fearless brother in charge. Yet here he was, wanting to be held and forget all the responsibilities. Additionally, he missed Raphael way too often. And then the fear rose once again, he sat up. Raphael was his brother, and he was scared of the fact in his emotional state of mind, Raphael wasn’t “just a brother” to him. He was terrified. He was just simply terrified to lose the brotherly connection between them, yet his mind still couldn’t stop from the additional platonic and sexual feelings. It was all there in one package, but it frustrated Leonardo for having such tangled feelings.

Leo gave out a frustrated growl, as he buried his face in his palms. This needed to stop, and there’s no other way, than talking to Raphael. Instead of suffocating himself with worry and terror, he rather started to think out a nice and formal speech as how maturely to approach this subject. He knew even if he had plans from A to Z, Raphael still ruing the script in his head with his unpredictable reactions or way of speaking. Even if Leo knew Raphael well, he still couldn’t predict any good speech, as Raphael just made him feel influenced by emotions, that mutant turtle really could snap him into emotions fairly fast. Leo envied Donatello for managing to keep his calm around Raphael, but maybe it was because Donatello didn’t have additional feelings towards Raphael, like Leo did.

Leo winced as he heard Mikey’s loud voice, as they approached the lair. Leo jumped up, he didn’t even notice how time passed. By reflex, he grabbed one of his katanas, as he approached the exit slowly, calmly, regaining his composure. He smiled and bowed silently as a welcome gesture to his family, who just arrived inside. Raphael and Don made way for Master Splinter, but Mikey squished himself in before the old rat, forgetting to show additional respect. Both brothers scolded Mikey, but master Splinter smiled and reassured them he is used to it.

-So how was it? – Leo asked, as his brothers grouped around him, while Splinter went to put down some packages.

-Awesome! April is pretty and Casey is a douche, but they will be alright! Still not together in the house, but sensei gave them some advice! – Mikey reported. -OOoohhh, duuude, you also missed pizza and snacks and soda!

-Yeah, we also saved some for ya, April insisted to pack for ya, meanwhile we fought off Mikey… - Raphael glared at Mikey, then handed Leo his own portion of food.

-Yeah and told us to tell you: “Heads up!”- Donatello motioned a big wide smile.

-Thank you. I will make sure to call her later and express my gratitude. – Leo nodded, then curiously smelled the package.

Mikey already went to stretch out on the sofa and turn on the TV, Master Splinter rushed to the smaller one installed for him to see the next episode of his favorite show , meanwhile Donatello joined Mikey with a small device on the sofa, as he was fumbling with it, he also spoke to Mikey or absent-mindedly stared at the screen.

Leo awkwardly gave out a faint smile at Raph, who was examining him indiscreetly, then Leo want to the kitchen, Raphael obviously following him. Leo sighed, as he felt Raphael’s presence, then actually gave in and sat down to eat. He kept glancing at Raphael, who seemed like ignoring him for now and rather carried a large sports bag to the fridge. Leo frowned, when he saw what was in it.

-Raphael, seriously?! -he got up and went there to see how many more bottles there were in the bag.

-Fuck off. – Raphael grunted on a hostile tone, putting the beer bottles one by one in the fridge.

-That’s too much! Why would Casey allow this much to have?!

-Calm down, man, I’m not gonna drink ‘em all at once! But guess what…. -Raphael leaned in Leo’s face with a snarl. – I’m gonna get shit drunk after we’re out tonight and we will go out tonight.

               Leo stared with a stern frown at Raphael, then snatched the bottle from his hand.

-Yes, we will go out tonight and you are not going to have this. – Leo annoyedly placed the bottle back in the bag and grabbed the bag to take away from Raphael.

-Oh yeah, and what are ya going to do with it, huh, drink it yourself? – Raphael gave out a bitter sarcastic snarly smirk.

-If you annoy me any longer, I’ll make sure to flush them all. – Leo snapped back irritated, as he went ahead and put it in his room, where he knew it’ll be the hardest for Raphael to get to them. Meanwhile Mikey and Don got silent and both turned at the kitchen.

-Great, they are arguing again…. -Mikey mumbled, even Mikey started to become tired from their bickering.

-Well Leo’s right, Raphael consumes too much alcohol…I mean we are mutants and it doesn’t have exact effects on us, like on humans, but it’s still not the best to consume alcohol….-Don said silently.

Raphael glared after Leo, then annoyedly punched the wall and stormed out of the lair. Leonardo came back and looked around with an annoyed expression.

-Where’s Raphael?!

-He….went off? – Don said uncertainly.

Leo rolled his eyes, then went in his room, slamming the door.

-Now what….? – Mikey asked unamused.

Donatello shrugged, then they turned back facing the screen. Their sensei did not ignore the argument this time, he calmly went and knocked on Leo’s door.

-What. – Leo asked on a hostile way, as he opened the door, but then he got embarrassed and apologetically bowed. -Sensei, sorry, I didn’t mean to…

-Leonardo, mind if you join me in the dojo?

-Yes, sensei. – Leo remained in bowed position, then straightened up and followed their father.

Master Splinter sat down, Leo automatically sat beside him, still averting to look into the father’s eyes.

-I feel that it is time to talk. What is that is troubling your mind, my son?

Leonardo stayed silent, then sighed, closing his eyes.

-It’s …me. I thought I am doing the right thing, but no matter what I do, I can’t seem to be able to find the right balance to have harmony in our family.

-What do you think is holding you back to find peace?

               -Well I…..I am not sure.

               -It seems to me, that your brother, Raphael is troubling you.

               -Yes…well….-Leo started uncertain. – I mean…I think it’s the both of us….we supposed to work together to work on our differences, because …..-Leo bit his lower lip. He needed to stop before he pours out. The suffocating panic launched back in his mind and he felt terrified to ever tell their father how he feels about his own brother. He was terrified to express himself about Raphael, because he knew well how their father sensed them so well.

               Master Splinter was paying attention carefully, then sighed, patting Leo’s shell.

               -Do not give up on yourself and your brother. You might not notice, but you can work together. Raphael needs a bit more persuasion. He’s always been a difficult child, but I am just as proud of him. He carries something special, like each one of you. And you, Leonardo, you have patience. I see, that Raphael has opened up more, so did you. However, I see turbulence in your heart, my son…A turbulence that does not let you have inner peace. Are you aware of it or what it is?

               Leonardo silently listened and took his time to process the information.

               -Well, until now I did not…but…yesterday I feel like I know the problem. I wanted to…I wanted to talk about it with uhm…with Raphael, but he seems like he is not wanting to cooperate. I mean, sheesh, I don’t get why he needs to act so hostile, when I try my best! He stubbornly keeps himself to what’s in his head of his, who knows what stupidity he invented and doesn’t even want to hear what I have in mind! He expects an answer, but he doesn’t want to hear it. Ugh, he’s such a mutant!  – Leonardo complained, unintentionally letting out his anger and frustration.

-Did you give him time to listen to him?

-Yes, I tried multiple times! He actually opened up once and after that he went back being stubborn!

Master Splinter nodded, wondering.

-Is there an unfinished agreement between you, that perhaps can end unfortunate in some way or form?

Leonardo tensed up. This was an awful situation. He supposed to make a confession right now, or lie, but he did not want to elaborate any more to their father. He swallowed hard and just tried staying ambiguous.

-Well there might be an unfinished agreement….and…it could end badly…-Leo admitted, as he frowned, staring on the ground in front of him, clenched his fists. – Either way it might end badly….but I do not know…

-Hm… - Master Splinter wondered, as he lightly tugged at his beard. – Is there a third party involved in this or it is just between you and Raphael?

-I’m…I’m sorry, father, I don’t want to talk about it right now. -Leo lowered his head even more in shame and embarrassment.

-Understood. You do not need to tell me. However, as your father, I would like to talk with you and Raphael later. I hope you do understand, that as a father, I worry about you, my sons, and it is also my duty to make sure everything is alright. There is no need to separate this family unit by some unfortunate unresolved issues. And if you do not know what to do, I am always there for you. Do not hesitate to find me, whatever problems you have, my son. This applies to all of you, yes?

-Yes, father. Thank you for your patience. – Leonardo bowed. Talking with their father actually helped to regain some confidence.

Leonardo and Master Splinter left the dojo, Leo went back to the kitchen to actually finish his meal, meanwhile their father went back to his room. Don already went to his lab, as Mikey was in the kitchen, stuffing his mouth with food. He froze, when he saw Leo.

-Ooouuuhh…uhm…..did you…want to eat this…? – Mikey asked with an awkward smile.

Leo sighed with a faint smile, shaking his head.

-Nah, I’m good. Go ahead, you pig.

-Heeeeeey, I’m a handsome, slender turtle!

-Slender alright…-Leo leaned against the doorway, smiling at Mikey teasingly.

-Yeah! One day, I’ll be stronger and sexier, than Raphael! I mean I’m already prettier than he is, but I’ll be superhero strong!

Leo’s eye muscle twitched hearing about “The Sexy Raphael”. The least he needed was thinking about Raphael and his body. It made him frustrated just being mentioned,  it made him feel a hot tingle in his body.

-You ok? – Mikey tilted his yeah.

-Yeah, yeah, sure! No problems, yeah. – Leo snapped out of it, then turned around to leave fast.

-Well…you don’t seem ok to me, dude….-Mikey blinked puzzled, then shrugged and ate further, as Leo fled.

The more night arrived the more frustrated Leo became. Raphael was out and did not come home. It was even late night, when Leo managed to chase off and tuck Don in, their father and Mikey were asleep and Raphael still nowhere and Leo felt restless. He supposed to go to bed and just ignore, because Raphael would come home eventually anyways, but Leonardo kept leaving his room and check and check Raphael’s room, he just wanted to see Raphael and make sure he was alright. Eventually he took a calming warm shower, then slumped on the couch in the main area.

-Shit…-Leo mumbled to himself, allowing himself to swear, as he sank more in the couch and placed his head on the backrest, staring at the direction of the ceiling in the dark.

It felt like long hours, as he waited, until the restlessness grew and he needed to sit up. He decided to get up and maybe just go up to get some fresh air. As he absent-mindedly walked in the sewers, he froze, when he heard footsteps. At first he wanted to take the turn and run for it, but he regained his composure, took a deep breath and started walking to face the other. As he took a turn, he gave out a surprised sound, when he bumped into a rough chest. Raphael stepped back surprised.

-Yo….-Raphael said uncertain.

Leo blinked surprised, then looked away.

-Hello, Raphael.

They just stood there silently.

-So…yer goin’somewhere…?

-Mhm.

-Aham…

Another moment of silence, then they both opened their mouths to say something, then awkwardly looked away, but then Raphael broke the silence.

-Hey, sorry ‘bout before….I know yer right just….-Raphael sighed.

-It’s alright. I’m just concerned about your health.

Raphael shrugged.

-Do ya…still want to go to the top..?

-Sure.

Raphael nodded and lead the way to their usual spot on the nearest rooftop. They sat down on the edge of the building, staring at the streets.

-Have ya ever had…..that moment, when ya want somethin’ so badly…so so badly, but…it’s not possible?

Leonardo blinked at the deep question and at Raphael’s broken tone.

-Yes…. yes I have. -Leo said with a pained expression after a long moment of hesitation. – But, maybe I’d still try to make it be possible…

Raphael nodded silently, contemplating.

-What if it hurts..? -Raphael asked silently.

-Raphael, seriously, you are making me worry. Not once you mentioned, that something is hurting you. Tell me what it is…please? – Leo turned at Raphael with a firm expression.

Raphael just shrugged and stayed silent.

-This is not how I wanted it to be like…

-Hm? – Leo tilted his head curiously.

Raphael sighed, tensed up, becoming nervous, that made the concerned Leo nervous too. Raphael stood up, and went more at the center of the top, then motioned at Leo, inviting him into an embrace. Leo jumped up and cautiously approached Raphael, but gave in and there they were, hugging each other tightly. After a long moment, Raphael lifted Leo’s chin and softly planted kisses on his lips. Leo roughly pulled Raphael closer, kissing back rougher. His mind went blank from all the worries and just gave in, enjoying the moment, but then Raphael broke the kiss and slumped down sitting.

-Thought to…have some kisses before ya run away… -Raphael grumbled, as he motioned to Leo to sit down.

Leo blinked confused, then the suffocating nervousness was there again, then slowly lowered and sat down. Now he understood there is something Raphael will tell him and he was not ready. All he tried was to keep his composure.

-So….-Raphael cleared his throat- …I’m a tad bit angry, ‘cause I had a plan, a thought to…ya know….sit down with ya with some extra food and such around, feelin’good and chill and laugh and such… but guess it was and will stay just a fantasy. Jus’….-he frowned, as he started fumbling with the end of his bandana, not wanting to look at Leo. – I guess it’s not worth it to do this any longer. I already know yer answer anyways and my patience is kinda…well no patience, actually, none is left. Ya keep tellin’me ya don’t have an answer yet, but I have one for a…looong while now.

Leo focused intensely, as he tensed up, swallowing for a moment. He was confused as what was happening and he was nervous and restless.

-I mean, come on, it’s not so hard ta guess where I’m goin’with this!  - Raphael flailed nervously, still too embarrassed to look at Leo. He took a break, inhaling, then exhaling a shaky breath. -At this point it’s not a secret how I feel ‘bout ya…I know, I know, we’re brothers and we shouldn’t do this blah blah and perhaps I’m mentally ill for feeling like this and all that shit, go ahead and accuse me for ‘em all as much and as long as ya want, but I can’t anymore, I need to get this outta my system or I’m really gonna go insane! – He brushed a hand over his face, then clenched a fist, then mustering up all his self-esteem and confidence, and finally looked at Leo straight in the eyes, who tensed up even more and flinched, staring back at Raphael with widened eyes. – I know what I’d like ta ask is in no shape or form possible fer us, but at least lemme tell ya, that….-he swallowed, but then regained his confidence, taking a deep breath, then finally blurting it out. – I like ya, Leo….I really like ya a lot and not jus’ as my brother…-His voice got shaky for a moment, for Raphael it felt like this was not happening at all and he is just rehearsing at home or fantasizing, and that he confessed the most stupidest way possible, yet he had way more mature ideas, his voice, as he said it out loud it felt like he heard it miles away from himself. It felt good to indeed get it out of his system, but at the same time he felt emptiness, as after this, Leo will run away and there will be no kisses, no pretending that both of them are clueless about why they feel good while touching and kissing. He still could not imagine going back to pretending nothing happened between them or could not face his own upcoming heartbreak, but he could not play this "game"anymore. He needed to confess and he finally did it. He was more than sure Leonardo will reject him, because it was more convenient to play "clueless", he was more than convinced Leonardo will start a heart-tormenting lecture about how Raphael should not supposed to confess and it's not possible. Raphael did not need any reassurance about things he already knew are not possible. All he had left was waiting for Leo to say something that'll surely hurt - although it is not his intention- and then run off.

Leo, however, wasn't going anywhere. In matter of fact, he could not even speak up. He just sat there, tensed, like a statue, sometimes remembering to blink and staring at Raphael with widened eyes. Raphael stared back at Leo hesitantly making a mimic as if asking "are you ok?", as Leo slowly raised a hand and placed it on his mouth, still staring in shock and disbelief.

 

Did Raphael just confess his feelings to him?!

 


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaaaaaay new chapter with some news! o.o I also noticed I messed up and I forgot to use ".." instead of - when I wrote dialogues. I'll go and correct them v.v"
> 
> Welp, guys, seems like we reached a milestone and we are reaching to the juicy parts! owo If you know what I mean.... 

Leo just sat there facing Raphael petrified. He was expecting a lot of things, but definitely not Raphael confessing to him in such calm and confident way. It really left Leonardo speechless. Before, he actually imagine some nasty scenarios, where he doesn’t want to hear any word from Raphael, that is another responsibility, which is so heavy like this one. Also, this was the very first confession he ever heard in his life, he was rather shocked and stressed at the same time, as he was emotionally completely puzzled as what needs to be done in a situation like this. Yes, he supposed to not be so oblivious and get the hint, but the way it was said out loud was million times different, than just avoiding it and knowing it is there anyways.

Leo slowly lowered his hand from his mouth and opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to speak up, but no words came out. Raphael just sighed.

“Look, I’m not really expectin’ anythin’ in return, I just wanted to sa-….”-Raphael tried, but then he was cut off with a sudden, tight embrace. By the time he recollected himself to help the situation and reassure Leonardo, the other was clinging on him, so he hesitantly embraced Leonardo back.

“You don’t know how much I envy you right now.” – Leo’s tone was deep, husky and shaky.

“Ok…? ‘Cause…?” – Raphael asked cautiously.

“Because you can phrase your emotions in words so bluntly and because ….you’re not scared to do so…even if there are conscequinces…”

“Pft, I don’t give a damn shell about anythin’ else. This was meant for ya, not for anythin’ or anyone else.”

Leo sighed, closed his eyes, still trying to regain his composure, eventually let Raphael go, but didn’t look him in the eyes. He couldn’t. His emotionless expression turned into a pained one.

“R-Raph, I’m sorry…..”-Leo whispered.

“I know, I know, shut up! I know ya don’t like me that way. I really don’t need any lectures right now, jus’ lemme have at least this moment….Jus’ this last one.” – Raph grumbled and leaned in for a kiss, but Leo leaned away.

“For shell’s sake, Raph! I’m scared, okay?! I’m scared!” – Leo blurted out loudly.

Raphael blinked surprised, as he leaned back.

“Why, damn it?!” – he shouted back, easing the tension a bit, making the situation a bit comical.

Leo frowned as he stared down on the ground. Words somehow blocked deep inside of him again. He needed a long moment until he finally could speak up again.

“Look, Raph…-Leo sighed. – I uh….I am not as oblivious about things as I tried to be. I’ve been thinking a lot about…us….doing these…things. Beside that there are many reasons we shouldn’t, because we need to think about our family, there’s that too, that, I …” -he bit his lower lip-“ I just…I do enjoy my time with you. I think you’re attractive. But at the same time, I’m …I don’t want this change. There’s too much to sacrifice for this…

“Sacri-..wh..what?! What are ya babblin’ ‘bout? “ Raphael frowned puzzled.

“Gee, Raph! We can’t just go for it! What if…other things happen that are irreversible! And….I do like you, well, the other way, but I don’t want to lose you as a brother, but if I just…allow myself or you to like each other more, we might just….forget how it feels like to be brothers and like each other as brothers! And then not just we forget how to behave or be brothers, but we will soon make our family uncomfortable, just think about what would Mikey say, if seeing us just…I don’t know..holding hands?! And-…”

“Whoa whoa whoa, slow down! You’re overthinkin’ things, man! First of all, no, yer Leo, yer still annoying and yer still team leader and brother to me, that is first. If it wouldn’t be first, I don’t think I’d ever waited this long… Then….I’m not sure ya really mean what ya said before…’bout, ya know…liking me…?”

Leo blinked.

“Oh so…..you don’t just want to ignore some facts that we’re family and just go for it just because it feels good...?”

Raphael sighed impatiently.

“No, why would I wanna do that?”

“Okay, but how do you differentiate your uhm, feelings towards me?”

Raphael frowned confused, then scratched his cheek thinking, then shrugged.

“I don’t know, sometimes I just wanna kiss ya and sometimes I jus’ don’t…ugh, I just simply think less! And…it’d do a lot more good, if I finally know what I can think of and not, ‘cause this with or without ya game is kinda is frustratin’.”

               “Oh….”Leo nodded slowly and wondered for a long moment.

               “Well, right now I really wanna to just kiss ya, though…”

               Leo glanced up at Raphael. Even if they were dwelving in serious talk and mingled feelings, Raphael confessing, he still said that awkwardly and nervously. Leo couldn’t help, but swallow back a smile, there was something playful in his gaze.

               “But Raphael, we can’t.”

               “Hard to believe ya, when yer grinnin’ like an idiot…”

               “I am not!”

               “Ye are!” – Raphael snapped back impatiently, as he got on four and crawled close to Leo to kiss him, but Leo rolled out of his way.

               “We can’t, Raph, we need to act like brothers and brothers don’t kiss!”

               “Yeah, yeah, later we act like brothers, now I gotta get things straight here! So what was with ya sayin’ ya liked me, hm?” – Raphael persistently shuffled after Leo.

               “I don’t know, you tell me, mr. Romantic!” – Leo couldn’t help, but let out all the stress through a little flirty game, which always felt exciting to do, messing with Raphael.

               “Come on, don’t leave me hangin’ here!” – Raphael whined impatiently, Leo finally giving in and stopping, letting Raphael cautiously approaching him.

               Raph gave out a sigh in relief, as he finally managed to press his lips to Leo’s.

               “You won’t give this up, huh?” – Leo murmured, breaking the kiss.

               “Well, I don’t want to…do ya want to…?” – Raph grumbled back, concern in his tone.

Leo sighed, closed his eyes, wondering for a moment.

“I don’t want to stop either….I….still can’t comprehend we actually….said what we said, but my mind is still a mess about this, but no, I don’t want to stop. Just…what if….what if we overpass limits? How are we going to act around our family?”

“Yer overthinkin’ again….Not sure what “overpass our limits” is…and we gonna act as we did til now.”

“And you think Don and father or even Mikey are idiot enough to stay completely clueless about us… “- Leo said with an unamused expression.

“Then we tell them.” –Raphael shrugged.

“Wh…ARE YOU CRAZY?!”

“Maybe?”

“Raph, we can’t tell them! What kind of act would that be! Father will be definitely upset, and I know, it’s not because of how we feel, but what a bad example we show to the two other brothers! I can’t afford that to happen, Raphael!”

Raph groaned, as he lay down. The whole trouble and the whole overthinking made him tired.

“Okay, then how ‘bout we do our best to keep it as a secret for now and we figure out somethin’ later. I mean…yeah…I admit I’m kinda nervous too, ‘cause….this whole thing went way smoother and better, than I ever thought to happen. I was totally convinced ya don’t like me back. And now I can actually try ta ask ya out and such….”

“Well, I wouldn’t tolerate your advances ever, if I’ve never felt like that about you, I think. – Leo arranged his bandana as he was wondering.” – Wait, ask me out? “– he asked curiously.

“Yeah, like….usually I guess these two things should go together, like ya confess and then ya ask the other out, but guess I’m havin’ my own groundbreakin’ rules here.”

“Wait…..what does that consist of…? “– Leo asked concerned.

“Well just askin’ if ya like me back or nah and wanna be with me as, ya know, a kinda like a boyfriend, just we do it somehow differently, ‘cause we’re also brothers, but the rest is…I guess it just stays the same as we were til now.”

“Oh…..I see. Well, I guess I will roll with you plan now, considering uhm…all this. I need to meditate so that I get things together in my mind too.”

“Deal.” – Raph got up, then looked at Leo, then with a wide grin tackled him with a tight hug.

Leo gave out a surprised sound, as air was squished out of him, but he hugged back with a smile.

“You…seem happy.”

“Ya bet I fuckin’ am! I’m so happy I could jump outta my shell.” Raph replied excited.

Leo chuckled, then planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Then I’m happy too. Hope this solves other tensions between us too and we can finally bring harmony in the family.”

“We will. Certain!”

They took a moment to just hold each other close and allow themselves to have some peaceful kisses, then eventually Leonardo suggested for them to head back home as time was passing quickly. Raphael seemed like gaining some energy, as Leonardo gained some of his inner peace. He still couldn’t process the fact he and Raphael actually special about each other and that Raphael even confessed it so well, well with his own confession, Leo wasn’t pleased, but seeing Raphael so energized up, it was worth it.

Before parting to sleep, they shared a few more kisses in front of Leo’s door, Leo having the bad habit of breaking them, as they got heated, then finally managed to let each other go and settle down for some resting. Leo felt heavy and tired as adrenaline wore off, after all the stress and excitement. He sighed contently, trying to block out all the worries about what could go wrong and all the excitement how he was glad about the fact he could finally start allowing himself to somehow express more of his feelings to Raphael, as the other seemed more than eager to receive them.


	16. The Delay

Hello,

I am so sorry for the delay! It was a big one and on top of that, I couldn't even say anything. As you may know, once this was an ambitious person's plan, to make a shared account for many positive purposes. For a good while now, I was the only one, who used it. I asked if that is fine and it was fine for me to take it. However, I believe already two weeks passed? Someone logged in, most likely to post a fanfiction of theirs and they blocked it. I am not sure how, because it never happened before. So of course I got nervous and needed to search for answers. -.- I finally got it back, needed to make a fuss and on top of that, I can't see new fanfic. But hey! I finally got it back! And I am going to post next chapter this weekend! And I am sorry once again!

-So as we may know, we reached to a big breaking point again. Raphael and Leonardo agreed to uhm..."date" (Raphael is still trying to find a better word).  
-Family doesn't know yet, but some seem to actually sense some changes. Noone can fool the wise ol' rat!

So because of these changes, I believe it is time for another wrap-up! That means, that we are going to dwelve more into this .."wacky" little relationship of Leo's and Raph's, we might even witness some "juicy" parts owo As I mentioned before, explicit content will be alerted right before chapter is being read! I assume many or some of you are used to very well written, quality smut stuff >.< I will try my best with that too, however, as how I did in this fan fic so far, those parts will be just a piece of the emotional and relationship development of these two! Jees, you don't know how much I was wondering how to manage this, but it came out promising! x3

So what do you think so far? I am always so glad reading your comments! x3

So, hi again! See you in a few hours with the new chapterrr >:3


	17. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, finally new chapter! I say it again, that there's a bit of a wrap-up and time skipping! But oh, we may see some action -if you know what I mean- in this chapter .<

**!! Explicit Sexual content!!**

 

**After first paragraph, skip the chapter, if you don't want to read it >.<**

 

A few weeks needed to pass until Leonardo finally started to get more comfortable and reassured, that Raphael’s plan was working so far. He also saw great progress in Raphael’s behavior. He started to calm down more from the sexual tension. He was definitely sometimes impatient or overwhelmingly excited, but he was calming down, nonetheless. He wasn’t as assertive and pushy as before. It also reassured Leo, that he could still act as a brother around Raphael, as the other did the same. The rest of the family didn’t seem to recognize anything strange yet, at least so assumed Leo. Also the last time Leonardo and Raphael were called by Master Splinter as the old rat was concerned about his sons, but they reassured him that they are working as a team and that they will be fine. Their father didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t seem troubled either. He rather looked expectant. As if he was expecting more answers from the two, but didn’t push it. He was patient. Leonardo felt incredibly guilty for fake-reassuring their father, but at the same time he was afraid to tell the wise mutant rat what was happening between him and Raphae. He certainly assumed their father would not approve their affairs, but Leo didn’t want to give up or lose this relationship for their father’s disapproval. He blamed his selfishness for wanting Raphael so close to him and even enjoying it. Raphael was having suspicions their father was sensing something, or maybe even Donatello was catching up with the happenings, but Raph had the same idea as Leo: He did not want to stop. Not even if their father disapproves. Especially not when Leonardo finally said “yes” to their little affairs. Besides, for Raphael it was a great thrill and challenge to keep it all as a secret, but how good it felt to be able to share this little secret with Leo.

 Raphael and Leonardo kept going out as often at nights as possible. Everything was going on the right direction again, everything was great. Just there was one thing, that kept making arguments between Leo and Raph.

               So it happened one night, as they went out and Raphael was quite eager to get physical. Without saying much, as they climbed up on the rooftop, Raphael’s lips were already on Leonardo’s. At first it felt amazing, but eventually Leonardo wanted to step back from the building up heat, that was becoming dangerously irresistible. He could also sense, when the mood and heat was starting to build up to something more. Yet on the other side, Raphael was ready for Leo. He felt like he could go for it, to actually get sexual with Leonardo, and it wouldn’t be a fail, it’d feel incredible for both of them. There were truly times he didn’t feel like it or didn’t feel that confidence and that unfamiliar soothing heat and not the usual heat that drove him mad, when he wasn’t in the calm, but rather in the wilder desperation, he also agreed with Leo, that they should stop, but there were times, when he would push some boundaries, but each time he was left blue-balled. At this point he learned he needed to be extra patient with Leo, although his patience was very limited, even if he learned more and more self-control from Leo, here was a moment he eventually had enough. So it happened that night. It was dark,  a perfect time, rooftop, kissing, kissing turning into heated make-out, Raphael pushing Leonardo down from sitting position – later admitted to himself that move might have been a bit too pushy- spreading Leo’s legs so that he could press himself more to Leo, while he absent-mindedly explored Leo’s skin, running a hand over Leo’s thigh, ignoring that Leo was trying to break away. He groaned eager in the kiss, as he pressed his plastron more to Leo’s, also made an attempt to press his lower part, having an erection at this point to Leo’s. That was it for Leo. He grabbed Raphael from both shoulders and he roughly pressed his thighs to Raphael’s side and with a skillful, strong, fast movement, rolled them around, getting on all fours, breaking the kiss and breaking all the contacts.

               „It’s enough.”Leo murmured on a low, husky tone.

               Raphael stared up at Leo still in a dazed state, then sighed, lay there defeated, closed his eyes.

               „Every fuckin’ time...”

               Leo got off of Raphael, standing up to take deep breaths to calm down, turning away from Raphael, because if he stared at him longer, he’d definitely throw himself back on Raphael.

               „Raphael, this much is enough. We are-....”he froze.

               Raphael gave out a pleased, relieved groan, as he shamelessly tugged his erection out and started stroking it roughly. Leo felt heat rushing to his cheeks, as he glanced at Raphael’s direction, who was facing away from him completely, leaning on one arm for support, other one was definitely at the direction of his crotch, doing a very familiar movement over and over.

               „R-Raph what are you....”Leo started uncertainly, as he felt a strange urge to approach the other.

               „What do ya fuckin’ think?! Gotta release before it hurts...not gonna wait til that point, like last...unfh...time.”

               „...hurts...?”Leo asked on a silenter tone, genuine concern in his tone.

               „Yeah....” Raphael grumbled back, but he was rather focusing on jerking off.

               Leo bit his lower lip, thinking, frustration and guilt building up in him. All the time he only considered his own needs and benefits. He never considered what Raphael desires at all. He just selfishly thought about himself and their limits and fears, and just stopping where he pleased and then secretly pleasure himself in his privacy, in his room later was enough. But Raphael wasn’t some kind of object. He was very important for Leonardo. And now Leonardo procrastinated to ever consider Raphael’s needs, that he pushed the other to a point the pleasure hurt. Leo inhaled, exhaled, then mustering up some courage, he walked to Raphael finally, walking in front of the other, then crouching down, slowly lowering on his knees, as he placed a hand on Raphael’s arm to stop him from jerking off and pressed his forehead to Raphael’s, who was panting exhausted from the self-pleasuring.

               „How...can I help..?” Leo asked silently, but firmly, suddenly he felt stress making his legs a bit shaky, but did not flee anymore.

               „As if ya would do anythin’...” Raphael snorted.”I got this, no worries.”

               „But I want to help.”

               „Oh wow, I can barely believe ya even consider seriously what ye say.”

               „I..know..I just. You said it hurt and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand knowing being with me is something uncomfortable for you.”

               „Ya shell bet yer gettin’ on my nerves with this „enough Raphael” bullshit at the worst times possible...ya shoulda know fair well what could happen between us.”

               Leonardo leaned away and looked away, feeling ashamed. He sighed, then without any permission, he glanced at Raphael’s erection as he grabbed it, but the firmness dissolved right in that second his hand was on Raphael’s shaft and how „broad” that shaft felt. Raphael stared down at Leo’s hand in awe.

               „W-well uhm...” Leo started on a shaky tone, as he looked away, feeling like his cheeks burning up, then mustering up all the guts and dares in him, he started to move his hand.

               „Wow, shit....well....if this is a dream, then I don’ wanna wake up..” Raphael grumbled, as he pressed a kiss on Leo’s cheek with a pleased grumble.”Ya can go rougher...I don’t mind...”

               „Please just...shut up.” Leo groaned in embarrassment, as he got in a more comfortable position, leaning in with his head and placing on Raphael’s shoulder, he kept pumping Raphael’s erection, more firm and faster.

               „I mean...ya can look, no prob....ouh yeah, jus’ like that...”

               Leo frowned, stopping his hand for a moment. Raphael gave out a disappointed groan.

               „Say please.” Leo’s voice sounded cold and demanding.

               „What?!”

               „Say.Please.”

               Raphael blinked puzzled, but somehow the fearless being so strict and dangerously controlling turned him on and annoyed him at the same time. He needed to fight a harsh battle with his ego, until he could finally mutter out a „please”. Leonardo couldn’t help it. The moment was so overwhelming, he lost control over his feelings and his selfishness and neediness poured out. He felt total control over Raphael. It really turned him on. It was so satisfying to have Raphael being so helpless, so desperate for him and he was the only one, the one and only, who clould please Raphael. Raphael was his. It just felt incredible. He turned his head at Raphael’s neck started to roughly kiss and lick there, as he started to stroke Raphael firmly and roughly.

               „Fuckin’ shell, Leo....fuckin’ good...” Raphael couldn’t help, but bump his waist forward in Leo’s hand.

               „Language, Raphael.” Leo’s voice was still firm and strict, as he barked the order on a husky tone. It was harder and harder to ignore his own built up erection and the wild desires to have that big shaft of Raphael inside of him, how would that feel. It surely sent tickling frictions through his body. But getting needy, wanting Raphael –at least so he assumed and decided-would make him look too vulnerable and felt like he could not allow himself let to happen

               „Leo....I want...I want fuckin’ more!” Raph grumbled on a raspy tone between rushed panting.

               „Like what.” Leo asked on a whispery tone, as he pressed his nose to Raphael’s cheek, eyes closed, frowning, as he focused on jerking Raphael off and trying to ignore his own screaming needs. He couldn’t even process he asked that and how welcoming he might have sounded, since Raphael pulled him into rough kissing and pulled Leo on top of him. Leo gave out a surprised sound, but tried to keep control of the situation and keep pleasuring Raphael, even in that position and kissing back. Leo felt nervous again, as he felt his body heavy and felt an unfamiliar exhaustion, yet he didn’t feel tired at all. He didn’t want to admit that he felt exhausted from holding back to stubbornly. He felt tired. He yearned for pleasure too, his body was aching for it, having so much control over Raphael was not enough as he assumed should be. He helplessly slumped on Raphael, and in no time Raphael took over, taking advantage of the situation. He pulled Leo’s arm away from between them, making sure to keep Leo distracted with kisses, as he pushed his gears out of the way, reaching and gently popping Leo’s erection out. As air hit his heated shaft, Leo gasped, by reflex wanting to jump up and flee, but Raphael slammed his hands on Leo’s ass, keeping him firmly in place, wrapping his legs around Leo’s legs too.

               „Hey, hey...’s okay. Ya gonna be fine. ’s gonna be alright, trust me a lil’ more, a’ight?”

                „Raph, this is going too far...” Leo wanted to sound threatening, but his voice was weak, he wasn’t convincing at all.

               „This is by far not „far” ’nough...”

               Leo glanced at Raphael with a frown, as the other gave out a suggestive, perverted smirk, then lovingly, gently pressed a reassuring kiss on Leo’s lips.

               „It’s gonna be ok.” He grumbled reassuringly, as he slowly loosened his grip, just to make sure Leo was actually staying.

               Leo sighed, giving in, hiding his embarrassed expression in the curve of Raphael’s neck.

               „You didn’t say please...” he grumbled on a sulking tone.

               „Please! Jus’ lemme lova ya already! Please, oh, please, Fearless!” Raphael groaned out on an over-dramatic tone.

               „Ok, ok! Sheesh, just....just get it over with...” Leo mumbled, still not able to look up or at Raphael. It just made it complicated, that he felt his erection pressed to Raphael’s between them. It also didn’t make anything easier, that he couldn’t help but think, that Raphael still felt bigger, than him. He supposed to be jealous. But he wasn’t. He was too selfish for that. It was enough knowing, that dick was aching for him and him only. At the same time he was nervous. He wasn’t sure what he agreed to or how much any of them both could be trusted with more actions than what he allowed so far to happen between them.

               Raphael still couldn’t believe they are that close. Right in that moment. He actually got riled up and needed a moment to calm down enough. He really didn’t want to ruin this moment. He wanted to assume that Leo simply is just too egoistic to admit he wanted it too – he wasn’t far from truth- , rather than actually being indifferent. It still made him uncertain, but he decided, that until they don’t know what they try feels good for both of them or not, they can’t make assumptions and judgement over something that they’ve never experienced, so instead of insisting to make Leo actually admitting that he wants this as much as Raphael, Raph rather focused on experimenting out, now that he at least got permission. He licked his lips, as he tried to focus and prepare for the intense simulation, that they’ve never experienced so far, or at least not sharing it. He slightly adjusted his position, placing his hands on Leo’s sides, as his muscles tensed up, as he tried his best to control himself and just slightly and carefully grinding against Leo. It felt even more intense, as they squished their erections between each other, since Leo felt out of energy to get up on four, he was just lying there on top of the larger brother. The first grinding caught both by surprise, Leo tensed up and froze, Raphael gave out a small surprised noise, but then he smirked, as he did it again.

               „Raph, this is not going to work...” Leo blurted by a defensive reflex, as he wanted to flee from the pleasure, the feel of getting vulnerable, giving in for the sensation.

               „Do ya like it?” Raphael started grinding without pauses now.

               Leo closed his eyes tighly, hands roughly holding onto his brother’s arms, biting his lower lip, restraining himself to show any emotions.

               „So...?” Raphael rushed an answer curiously „Do ya?” he asked again, as he got rougher with the grinding. He couldn’t help, but smirk, as he heard Leo fighting so much not to give out any –for him- embarrassing sounds, but couldn’t help but give out small, muffled moans, his tense muscles loosening up shaking, shivering.

               The heat between the two felt unbearable, Leo couldn’t make himself to pull away and stop it all. He felt like if he pulls away now and make that stimulation cease, he’ll go crazy. His whole body and mind yearned for a release. He never gave a verbal confirmation and he still wasn’t entirely agreeing for all this to happen, but he needed to realize. It wasn’t the problem, that Raphael was there or he hates the situation as much as he convinces himself, but rather his modesty and shyness of never experiencing such level of intimacy made him uncomfortable. Instead of getting over it, he kept fleeing from solving it. Had Raphael never taken control over the situation, Leo would never face his uncertainities and rigidness.

 It took a long time for Raphael to fight his urge to lose his patience or it took a lot of effort to hold himself back from climax and wait for Leo, please Leo too and make him start feeling more comfortable. He wanted to share this moment, not having it only for himself, because apparently he is hornier than all of his hormone-worked brothers in one. He wanted this for both of them. He always wanted to believe Leo wanted just the same too, but his ego doesn’t let him admit it. And he might have been right. Leonardo did seem to hold back himself from a lot. Way too much life indulgence. Of course, firmness was needed, a lot, and strictness and a very clear mind for a leader most of the time, but why couldn’t he just let himself enjoy moments from time to time? This moment was just theirs. Why wouldn’t Leo want to just share it? So Raphael was determined to make Leonardo admit just right and there, shafts grinding to each other, sending frictions of heat through their bodies. But Leo wasn’t. He was just accepting in a silent modesty, with a few sweet muffled noises, that sent shivers to Raphael’s shell in excitement. But he wanted to see and hear more.

„Shit...I’m so close...” Raphael grumbled, as he closed his eyes. His body was starting to give in form so much holding back.

„Me too...” Leo responded between pants on a husky, whispery tone.

„Yeah....? Then c’me on, let it all out...” Raphael tried persuading again on a loving tone, desperately trying to have this moment together.

Raph reached down with one hand, grabbing both of them as best as he could to start stroking them, as grinding wasn’t enough to get to the sweet release, while he managed to catch Leo’s lips and start kissing him. Leo shivered, as he tried to protest from being touched so boldly, but his mind got foggy once again from pleasure and heat and calmness from the reassuring kisses from Raphael. The tension and pleasure built up more and more to a point Leo roughly grabbed at Raph’s shoulder, leaving some scratches, broke the kiss, desperately trying to hide himself somewhere in fast embarrassment rush before release, eventually he found the curve of Raphael’s neck and moaning in there in ecstasy loudly.

„Uh yeah....” Raphael barely managed to give out any noises, as his body tensed up completely right before Leo’s, as he stroked them with both hands fast, then all his energy left him, mind going blank for a moment, then Leo collapsed on him, both of them just silently panting, bodies feeling heavy.

„Wow...” Raphael grumbled on a husky tone, with a dazed smile.

               Leo didn’t respond, nor react with any body language, he just contently closed his eyes. Noted to self to trust Raphael, maybe, just maybe a bit more, even if he doesn’t trust himself at all with all this. Eventually embarrassment and nervousness washed through him, and he forced himself to get off of Raphael and mumble small apologies, as he tried to fast clean himself and Raphael off. He started to get off rugs off of himself, which he could use for wiping and then clean as soon as they reached home.

               „Don’t even try to say sorry for anythin’.  All ya need to do is tell me how it felt for ya.” Raphael said, as he sat up, trying to catch Leo’s gaze, who avoided his as they cleaned and arranged themselves.

               Leo slightly frowned, as he looked away.

               „I uh.....” he bit his lip wondering what to say. Of course it felt incredible, of course it was exciting, that Raphael was there and he was so close and physical with Raphael, of course there were lingering thoughts in his mind, that he wanted to do more of this and more often with Raphael, since Raph seems to hit the right spot in the right directions. But how could he even express that? He still didn’t want to look vulnerable. Admitting such things as feeling good while pleased by his one and only brother and...something else...was too much for him to do. At this point, he knew he just did damage to both of them being so closed up and tense, and misunderstood as emotionless, but he could not find a satisfying solution for that. Leo sighed, closed his eyes for a moment.

               „So...” Raphael tried uncertainly.

               „It felt amazing. Thank you.” Leo managed to say finally, with eyes closed, avoiding any sight of Raphael, but he managed to say it.

               „Well, that doesn’t sound too convincin’...” Raphael grimaced.

               „What else do you want?! Me swooning on you and lick you all over and say who knows what?!” Leo blurted out annoyed, glaring at Raphael, a shiver of a remained pleasure still flinching through him.

               „Well that sounds like a nice scenario.” Raph grinned teasingly.

               Leo made an unamused expression, as he smacked the dirty rugs in Raphael’s face. As Raphael brushed them off with a chortle, his blinked surprised, then Leo was already leaning in and kissing him.

               „I really like you.” Leo said on a silent, soft tone, as he looked straight in Raphael’s eyes.

               Raph froze in that position, widened eyes, remembering to blink for a moment. Leo stood like that, the moment feeling like eternity, only unspoken emotions communicating, then got up, rolled the dirty rugs up and held it in one hand. He turned, ready to go home, still feeling his thighs little sore from being tense so much before. Then he turned and glanced back at Raphael. The other looked like a mess ravaged by love, sitting there dumbfounded. It kind of amused Leo seeing Raphael being so emotionally sensitive over such a few words. He nodded at the other one, suggesting that they were heading home.

               Raphael couldn’t believe what he just say or heard or witnessed. He already knew he will be daydreaming about this night for a goow while, and he will think of possibilities to make Leo moan and plead for him somehow, even if it takes miracles. But Leo just randomly saying such thing like that, which that firm, serious expression, that also expressed something deep, something beautiful, it just made Raphael’s heart skip a beat. No wonder, he really loved Leo, he was his brother, but he couldn’t help it. He swallowed hard, then got up, now feeling heavy and sore, but then rushed after Leo.

               As they walked in the sewers, Raph mustering up some courage and swallowing down some nervousness, he reached out a hand and grabbed Leo’s uncertainly.

He sighed eased up.

The hand wasn’t pulled away from his.

 


	18. Chapter 16

            **!! Explicit Sexual content!!**

 

**After Leo going to Raph’s room, skip the chapter, if you don't want to read it >.<**

 

It was expected from Raphael to get way too excited about the first time he could get more intimate with Leonardo. Just the thought sounded overwhelming. Leo definitely needed time to escalate the fact in his mind, that he just touched Raphael’s member, they were definitely touching, on top of that, they were definitely jerking off, or rather sharing the experience. It made Leo feel embarrassed for some reason, yet the voice was still bugging him with thoughts, that he actually felt about it and the world didn’t end even if he got physical with Raphael. One side of him was bothered and angry and embarrassed, yet the other side of him just wanted to explore, to find out more how thrilling a body can be stimulated and curious about Raphael and how would Raphael behave in certain situations, as last time he was endearing. At this point Leo was certain, that Raphael is not just a horny, hungry, predatory mutant teen, who’s just craving for sex and the “unlucky” guy have to be Leonardo. That was not it. Raphael did seem to want to please Leo, just as much as he wanted some pleasure. Raphael really did try to make something mutual and he seemed to be kind of good at it. A little rough around the edges, but good.

               Leo shook his head. Stupid perfectionism. Why would he expect Raphael to be perfect at it, if Leonardo knew even less. He always thoughts countless of times how he could have been reacting to Raphael’s intentions better, how he could act better or say something better in situations, but the time passed, those moments passed as how they did and there was no such thing as replaying them, just maybe correcting them in the future. He frowned confidently, battling more and more with his inner insecurities and the negatives thoughts and rather brought in the indulgent curious thoughts. Time was not only passing within days, but years too. They were growing, they got into more and more dangerous encounters. Maybe they die one day. No, most certainly they will die one day and Leonardo will die filled with regrets. He didn’t want that. Why would it hurt anybody if he just let himself maybe, just maybe, enjoy himself beside all the tension and seriousness and maturity and skills and responsibilities he’s been always expected to show?!

The Perfect Fearless Leader….

Leonardo slashed sharply in the air with his swords, as he was practicing in the dojo.

 The Eldest Brother…

Another rough slash. Noone would prefer to really be at the other end of that katana right that moment.

But he didn’t want to just be The Perfect Fearless Leader and the Eldest Brother! He wanted to be just the mutant turtle, the Leonardo, that other side. The side which can be all at the same time, but have another side. Why could Mikey and Raph be silly or act incredibly stupid and it was alright?! Why could Don be disgusting and hilariously clumsy and that was alright?!

“Why can’t I be an idiot sometimes?!” he thought out loudly annoyed, as he snarled and panted furiously. He didn’t even realize how heated his practice had become.

“Reputation. Guidance.” The firm tone was heard from the entrance of the dojo.

Leo glanced at the father’s way, he slowly lowered his swords and straightened up from the deadly fight stance. He supposed to be surprised and apologize. He didn’t. He glared back at the rat firmly.

“Idiocy leads to mistakes. Those mistakes can lead to fatal consequences.” Master Splinter continued, as he approached Leonardo cautiously.

Leonardo sighed irritated, then dropped his swords and got into a fighting stance. Jerk move. Why would he do that. Why was he rioting. He supposed to accept and obey. Apologize. Accept.Obey.Learn. Over and over again.

Master Splinter got into a stance also, but he patiently waited. Leonardo tackled him with swift, skillful and fast moves.

“So this is all I am?” he said on a plain, emotionless tone, as he pressed his lower arm roughly to their father’s who was dodging the move. “The perfect little shaped marble?”  his tone got bitter.

“You are my son. None of us are ordinary people. We have a lot of enemies and we need to survive.”

“I know!” Leonardo snapped. “You don’t need to repeat the same story over and over again! I see, I hear, I observe! I learn and I plan and…. I know! Sheesh…I just….what if I sometimes want other things?!”

They jumped away from each other, Leonardo seemed to lose focus and was rather just walking up and down in place, frustrated.

“Even the greatest minds have a rest.” Master Splinter said, there was some worry, but a lot of patience in his tone. He sat down and examined his son. “What is that you wish for? What is holding you back?” he asked on a softer, friendlier tone, as he pet his beard with interest.

Leonardo’s shoulders slumped, as he stared at the ground.

“Family…”

Master Splinter raised a brow.

“Your family is standing in the way? Now, now. Tell me.”

“I…” Leo started, but his voice, his everything froze. He was so scared. What was he even doing early in the morning. His heart was aching so terribly to fully trust his father once more, feeling so close and comfortable with him that he’d share everything without fear. But now, he was hesitant and scared. He wanted to tell his father so many things and ask so many things from the wise rat. He wanted to tell him how he felt about Raphael, his own brother, he needed guidance and advice as how to even handle his feelings and the whole situation. Maybe if it was a stranger he had a crush on, he would instantly admit that to their father, hell, even would admit he feels sexually aroused and it makes him uncertain, yet thrilled and would tell all that without shame. But here he was. Utterly frightened and ashamed. If he opens his mouth right now, he will ruin everything. He will hurt not only himself and their father, but Raphael too. At this point he hurt Raphael enough. The sadness and frustration sank so deep in him, he suddenly felt emotionally distanced from everything and everyone. The self-blame was back, eating him up on the inside.

“Leonardo? “ Master Splinter asked with a concerned tone, as he got up to approach his son.

Come on, reassure him…

“My son, I believe there is something you need to tell.”

Lie…

“I’ve been waiting for a long time now, but I see there is something that is bothering you for awhile now.”

Fast…

“Please, do not be afraid to tell me. You know fully well I do not judge any of you based on your problems.” He comfortingly put his hand on Leo’s shoulder.

Leo turned his head away, he swallowed hard, forcing to regain his composure. He felt like everything was spinning, as he felt an unspeakable, an unbreakable bond was ripping gently, slowly.

“I am sorry I make you worried. Yes, I don’t feel complete. I still feel like I am not good enough. The feeling is always there. It’s always been there since I’ve been chosen to be the leader.” His voice shook a bit, he couldn’t look Master Splinter in the eyes. Of course it was a good misleading tactic, faking as Raphael would call it, but he felt too weak and scared to face the consequences and too selfish to accept being taken away from Raphael if their secret is discovered that might infuriate their father, as both Raph and Leo assumed.

Master Splinter didn’t say a word for a long time, then sighed. That sigh and headshake was enough for Leonardo to figure, that Master Splinter was not someone who he could fool. The rat knew. They both knew he pulled a little lie there and defending the secret dearly. Just as Raphael, Leonardo knew at this point certainly, that their father senses something, just he doesn’t know exactly what is going on.

“Whatever it is, that you wish for, please, just remember not to distance yourself from your family completely.” All it was said by the wise rat, who left the dojo silently.

“Yes, father.” Leonardo mumbled on a defeated tone.

He couldn’t bear the pressure. He just skipped waking Mikey and Don up for the training, he went straight to Raph’s room. Raphael was starting to wake up, he yawned and blinked sleepily, being laid out there like a sack of potatoes, all he managed to do was giving out a lazy low grumble, as Leo slumped on top of him.

“Yyyoooohhh…” Raphael groaned in the yawn, as he placed an arm on Leo’s shell, finally when he closed his widely opened mouth, even got a rough peck. “What’s with the sweet mornin’ greetin’? Coulda get used to it.” Raphael grinned.

“Just…hold me for a second.”

“Pfh, second? I’m gonna hold ya all day if ya wanna.”

“We had a misunderstanding with father.” Leonardo said on a plain tone, after breaking the silence in the comfortable cuddle.

“When..”

“Just before.”

“So ya tell me ‘cause I’m involved or somethin’?”

“No. …yes? I don’t know. I acted out. It was stupid of me.”

“Wait…so ya…told him..? Oh, come on, Leo! I supposed to be there when we tell him!”

“I did not tell him! Shush. I just….” He sighed. “I kinda want to do this…”

“Like what…?”

Leo pressed a bold kiss on Raph’s lips again, which lasted longer, it didn’t take long for Raphael to deepen the kiss.

“This.” Leo whispered, as he slowly, sensually brushed a hand over Raphael’s plastron.

“Well, yer not alone.” Raph grumbled back with a cocky grin, as he slid his hand from Leo’s shell to his ass.

He supposed to only get some comfort. A non-verbal reassurance. He was the one, who faulted Raphael for being overwhelming before and here he was, all over the other turtle.

Raphael’s daring movements weren’t strange on his body anymore. It didn’t make him freak out anymore, just Raphael exploring around. It did send the also familiar heat through his body. Leo couldn’t help but give out a helpless muffled moan, as kisses turned into make-out and their squirming got more impatient and rougher. However, as soon as he felt that confidence and instinctive thought again, that he wanted to go even further and wanted Raphael all over him, he abruptly sat up and broke contact.

“We’ve gone too far. Need to…go to training.” He said on a serious tone, as he focused hard to calm down. He didn’t even want to look down and acknowledge the fact he was turning on.

Raphael sighed annoyed.

“Again…as always…”

“Raph, we are home, everyone’s home, we can’t!”

“But you’re horny..I am horny….we can try something quick…”

“I am not!” Leo whispered frustrated, feeling his cheeks burning.

“Come ooon…” Raphael begged as he got up and approached Leo.

“No.”

“It’ll be very quick, I swear.”

“Raphael, no.”

“Leo, please….how do ya even expect goin’ out like this? Do ya think Don or Mikey won’t notice?”

“I’ll calm down…besides, I just only wanted to be held.”

“And ya were held, now how ‘bout ya calm down and sit down on that goddamn matress and lemme take care of ya?”

Leo sighed defeated. He was turned on and it’d actually be difficult to calm down, while Raphael’s at training too.

“Fine…be very quick..” He slumped on the matress sitting and curiously looking at Raph.

“Ok, and yer gonna promise me ya’ll shut up no matter what.”

“Well…”

“Promise?”

“I don’t know…it depends..” Leo frowned, sensing suspicion.

“Just yes or no.”

“Fine…”

Raphael nodded and grinned. Then waited for Leo to get a bit more comfortable, before he settled on the ground between Leo’s legs, he fast pressed a reassuring kiss on Leo’s lips, then slumped down. At first he just gently rubbed Leo’s thighs, until they both got back into the mood, then dared leaning in and kissed at Leo’s thigh. Leo tensed up for a moment, but didn’t pull away. For a moment Raphael glanced up for reassurance, as he progressed and after a few cautious rubs, freed Leo’s erection. Leo’s thighs tensed up and bit his lower lip.

“W-wait…” Leo stammered out as silent as he could.

“Sh.” Raphael grumbled on a calm tone, as he spewed in his palm, then started stroking Leo confidently.

Leo squirmed, as he also tried his best to keep his composure and not give out any sounds. However, each time he absentmindedly glanced down, it just made him feel embarrassed how Raphael was enjoying himself and especially the view.

“C-can you not stare..?!” Leo complained.

“What?! I like the view!” Raphael whispered back with a frown, as he tightened his grip, the strokes becoming rougher.

Leo’s legs started a slight shake from the pleasure and tense muscles.

“Raph…” Leo groaned out, then collapsed on the mattress, laying down.

This just gave more room and visual enjoyment from Raphael. He really did enjoy how helpless Leo was. He licked his lips, as he hesitantly had the wild idea to actually…

Raphael swallowed hard, he hesitated for a long while, until he finally took a deep breath then blurted out.

“I’m going to …I’m gonna suck it..” he grumbled, somehow the words didn’t come out as confident as he intended.

“What?!” Leo’s eyes widened in shock, he was about to sit up and just flee, but the hesitant lips were already on the tip and soon clumsy attempts of sucking his shaft started. “Ranph!!” Leo almost cried out loud from the sudden strange, intense heat and pleasure,  goosebumps running through his thick skin –compared to a human’s- but he fast slammed his hands to cover his mouth.

Raph got frustrated from the attempts and he was about to give up, yet it was going better and he started to actually get a hang of it, at least so he thought, since Leo’s reactions were getting better, but as he he glance dup with a frown, he froze, seeing Leonardo hotter than ever, being so turned out and pleadingly flailing for him to not stop.

“W-wait…uhm…j-just …please, a little more…” Leo whimpered silently, as his body was trembling from the built up pleasure.

“Heheh….” Raphael sniggered cockily. “How was it? “Say please.” “ he teasingly imitated Leo from previous encounter of theirs.

“Raph..just..please, hurry…!”

“Hah, don’t need to tell me twice…”he grumbled, then he was right at it again, this time more confidently. At first it was kind of uncomfortable and was rather a turn off for him, it didn’t feel as pleasing as he saw in some videos, but after a time he got used to it and it was actually fun, what rather turned him on were Leo’s reactions and body language.  So hot and bothered, so helpless, so sexy in Raph’s mind. He reached down with a hand to stroke himself too, he even managed to come before Leo. It was a strange and sudden experience for him from Leo holding his head down, then being gagged with Leo’s ejaculation. He pulled his head away with a slight grimace, wiping his mouth and catching his breath, so was Leo.

They stood in silence until their breaths evened.

“Well, guess we gonna do that sometimes?” Raphael said as he just lazily threw a rug on his mess he managed to make on the floor.

Leo needed some time for calming his breath and trembling body down. Somehow he felt incredibly light. His felt very comfortable in his skin. It was much more intense than any jerk off he ever had. He could still feel the warmth of Raphael’s mouth on his member. He now really felt he owed Raph one. He needed a long moment until he finally made his body move as he demanded, then rather climbed to Raphael on four to press a rough kiss on his lips.

“That…actually wasn’t bad…” he admitted.

“Oh?” Raphael grinned tauntingly, as he pressed his nose and forehead to Leo’s.

“You’re still a perverted asshole.” Leo stated on a playful scolding tone, kissed Raphael once more, then got up, arranging himself and stretching comfortably, some left frictions running through his body, through his limbs. His body still felt light and comfortable as ever.

Raphael just sat there, shell pressed at the wall, daydreamingly basking in the nice view of Leo’s legs and ass witch a pleased smile, feeling sleepy again.

“Alright, let’s get the others and off we go to training.” Leo sighed absentmindedly, then managed a smile at Raphael, eventually left his room, so it wouldn’t be suspicious.

Raphael groaned lazily, yawning once more, but then eventually needed to get up. 

Donatello was up already, drinking coffee, they managed to find Mikey between the sheets, then after training, they decided to go on a patrol, and later eating pizza, of course not leaving out their father. It was a nice wholesome family reunion. After some resting, they prepared for an evening patrol. Meanwhile Mikey and Raphael were making silly faces and overacted poses at each other, or growling at each other like two silly kids, bringing back the sulk in Leonardo about how he always needed to behave and he just couldn’t tackle one of them and bite or something silly like that, or just be sassy with Raphael. None was allowed, so he only took part of those activities with interest, but only observing and some light comments.

At lunch they really had a great time, telling some funny events from their lives, even Master Splinter joined and his way of using words and his playful tone could always make the turtles laugh.

“Sensei, ya should tone it down.” Raphael snorted, then glancing at Mikey, who was still laughing.

“Yeah…like, remember that time when Mikey laughed so hard he actually threw up, but then he was still alright?” Don chuckled.

“Oh no, please…” Leo groaned.

“Shell, I really did that?!” Mikey snorted, as he calmed down from laughter.

“Yes, and Leo cleaned it up. “ Don added.

“Yes, because Don made you laugh out so hard and then I not only needed to clean after you, but I needed to calm down the crying Donatello, who got some of the “shower” too.” Leo said complaining, but then they burst out in laughter again, Master Splinter just smiled, then shook his head.

“My….only Michelangelo can do such act.” the old rat commented.

After the pleasant time and patrol, Leo allowing himself to be a bit more daring and fun, giving his brothers a drive to feel good and not feeling so strict, they eventually gathered home. Raphael and Leonardo made a few suggestive glances at each other at the evening, then at night, when everyone was asleep, they finally went out.

Maybe Leonardo should pay more attention, maybe he just let things escalate, maybe he trusted Raphael too much. But he couldn’t help it, just as how they couldn’t help keeping their lips and hands away from each other, even if they had some intimate time on the morning. And so the exploration didn’t cease in the upcoming weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaahhhhhh I am so tired, but next chapter is uppp! Some progress is happening, huh =w= Hmmm, will they be able to keep their little sweet times? Leo seems to come in terms with his feelings finally!
> 
> I'll reply to your comments later or sneaking up during work, but now I need a rest x.x ~collapses in front of the bed, only nose keeping up to the bed~


	19. Chapter 17

**!! Explicit Sexual content!!**

 

**After they all sit down to watch movies together at April’s, skip the chapter, if you don't want to read it >.<**

 

It was a rough day. They got into a fight with a developing gang. Leonardo had a wild guess they definitely need to do something with the Foot Clan. Raphael actually enjoyed it. Just until Mikey almost broke a leg. Then Raphael got out of control. Luckily the gang members decided to flee.

The past few days Leonardo and Don and Master Splinter tried to find out more about these people that ambushed them while they were out having some fun at night. It made him Raphael pissed off in so many ways. First, they couldn’t finish their fun night with the brothers, and then him having some time with Leo, just as they used to do. It was promising, their relationship was developing. He was trying to push more limits and get out Leonardo’s curious side more, then the rigid, nervous one. It pleased him a lot how Leonardo is also trying to battle against his uncertainties. However, the new outside troubles made their fun times end for awhile. As Raphael knew Leonardo and how fixated he can get, he knew they’ll barely even talk, not to mention having Leonardo close to him. So it was going on for two weeks. At first Raphael was pretty patient. He knew he needed to put aside his feelings and wants and needs to give Leonardo the most space he needs to focus. Although both Raph and Don and even Mikey knew, even if this was a threat, it wasn’t something new. They constantly bump into thugs they pick a fight with. However, Leonardo couldn’t drop it.

 

“Leo, seriously, we gonna bump into ‘em sooner or later again.” Raphael sighed, as he tried to explain, while they were at the screens Don installed for multiple purposes long ago. Some showed news, some were turned off, or some showed traces of information Don managed to gather.

“Yeah, man, why we gonna sweat for spying on them?” Mikey complained.

“Because the next time we might see them will be catching off guard again and we can’t…I say CAN’T let happen in any circumstance!” Leo said on a firm tone as he was busy thinking how to revert the sick game of the enemy.

“Well, sooner or later New York would know we exist. Some seem to like to challenge us.” Don played with the end of his bandana absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I find that a healthy obsession. More faces to punch!” Raph punched his hand with his fist and a dark grin.

“Do you think this is funny?!” Leo snapped, glaring at Raphael. “We could have our cover or even worse, our home discovered! Some enemies could be so advanced they could kill us!”

“Of course, of course, we need to pay attention and be aware of our surroundings, but aren’t we taught well, aren’t we ninjas? This is our life and guess we all can say, that as we get older, we’re gettin’ used to it.” even if Raph protested confidently, the last part of the sentence came out on a very weak tone. No, it wasn’t something that was easy to get used to. All four got silent and didn’t look at each other. They all knew any of them would have their voice break, when speaking the sentence Raph said.

But Leo couldn’t let them lose hope. He couldn’t let them hate what they have and what they would thought to.  And most importantly, he could never settle until he knows all of them all well, healthy and most importantly, safe.

“Now, my sons…” Master Splinter finally spoke up, not leaving any time for another arguments between his sons. Instead, he startled the turtles, as he was so silent they didn’t even realize he was behind them all the time and observing everything carefully. “You shall rest. There’s always tomorrow. I don’t sense great danger. You were having some good time and happened to step in a hooligan group’s territory. Of course they attacked you. We would have attacked them if we were in their place too. But I might be wrong. Of course more searching needs to be done, so you can assess what threat are you facing. Leonardo, my son, you are a good leader and your care for your effort for your family and team is well appreciated, however, you can’t waste your energy by hanging onto every little sign of danger all the time, constantly. What will remain of you, if you let paranoia get over your sane senses? Of course, all of you need to stay alert, especially if you leave your home, however, you don’t need to always hang onto some situation so much.”

“Yes, sensei.” They said, as they all bowed in gratitude.

“Sensei, just..I am sorry. I know it could have been avoided.” Leo started, voice filled with guilt. “I should have known letting ourselves so lose will bring trouble, that could have been prevented.” He glanced at his brothers with a sharp glare.”It’d be much easier, if they would follow my lead better and when I say to be more silent, then be more silent.”

Raphael rolled his eyes, Mikey made an awkward smile.

“Well now, no one needs to blame anyone. Drop it for now and rest.” Master Splinter reassured them, then retreated. Don sighed and yawned.

“Come on, Mikey, let’s check your foot.” He offered to help him up, he glanced at Leo and Raph for a moment, but didn’t say anything and assertively tried to distract Mikey, but Mikey actually obliged very willingly, as somehow both of them expected another argument between Leo and Raph.

Raphael was ignoring anyone else, and was just rather glaring at Leo impatiently, as the other was still staring at the screens wondering. Raphael losing his patience, he got up and walked beside him, putting his hands on his hips.

“So ya gonna stand here all night?”

“Not planning to.”

“So…ya hatin’ on me again and we gonna argue again n’ not goin’ out again?”

Leo blinked, then glanced up at Raphael. The other stated that like a fact he seems to just let it happen and get used to it. Leo’s mind froze for a moment. He supposed to say something but didn’t know what to say. Of course they always bicker or have big arguments, but this really wasn’t Raphael’s or Mikey’s fault only. He really was a bit too paranoid. But it was better, than to regret and go easy on things.

“It has been two weeks….” Raphael grumbled silently, there was some melancholy in his tone.

Leo glanced down, still silent.

“I kinda wonder sometimes…..I miss when I can’t be with ya like that. Or feel like…I am not allowed to even look at ya like that. I sometimes really woulda like to hold ya in bed…do ya ever have that sensation or is that jus’ me?”

This really wasn’t helping. Leo’s mind got even more blank than before, but this time from a different type of shock. At first Raphael’s sweetness shocked him. He’d tackle him and kiss him so roughly at that moment, but he couldn’t. They were home, in the main area and everyone else was also awake. But then some nervousness mixed in, as an inner thought lingered in his mind, filled with shame. Raphael was thinking such sweet things about him, and yet whenever he thought about Raphael he rather thought about very plain, simple things, like some usual chat subjects, or the other side: thinking about sexual fantasies. Both didn’t sound good in his mind anymore, knowing how creative and nice Raphael’s intentions were, yet somehow Raphael was a perverted too and he wasn’t being subtle about it, actually.

“Guess it’s just me, then..” Raphael mumbled barely audible and looked away, squirming a bit awkwardly in one place.

Leo still stared at the ground with a frown.

“I do think about you.” He finally stated on a smooth, emotionless tone. It was hesitant and plain, but he actually really meant it, it’s just, he always struggles expressing his feelings so richly as Raphael or Mikey, heck, even Don was better at it.

“Gee, that was very convincin’…”Raphael growled, rolling his eyes, then stretched and headed at the dojo.

“But I….” Leo glanced after Raphael, then sighed, lowering his head again. “..I really mean it.” He mumbled to himself, then after making some tea, he headed back up to his room to calm his mind and meditate.

 

A few more days passed by as the turtles spent them by finding out more about the darker side of New York. To Leonardo’s relief, the gang had nothing to do with the Foot Clan. They were just a gang formed from a bunch of thugs that were against the law and enjoyed drinking and causing problems to others. They didn’t even have normal guns, just rather bats, pipes, daggers and knives. Only the gang leader had his own gun. Apparently the area they were at wasn’t theirs, however, as they observed them, they trespassed there multiple times at nights to their base. Leo was about to give it up all, until he had an argument with Mikey and Raphael to leave the thugs alone, as the two wanted to do some mischiefs to them, now that they knew their crossing patterns and hideout better. Eventually they got scolded by Master Splinter too, to leave the gang be, because the least they need are unnecessary, continued fights. Back to some harmony again. Leo already noticed Raph’s suggestive glances, but for the night, he needed  to rest his mind and ease up from the inner tension. As he meditated, he finally managed to clear his mind from the thugs and rather focus on his own inner peace, allowing himself to get a little excited for reminding himself that he could finally spend some nights with Raphael again. He excitedly planned to finally make a move and do something different. Like showing Raph some of the poems and songs he actually enjoyed, but was embarrassed about or to perhaps invite the other over to his room to snuggle up, like the very rare times they managed after the first initiation from Raphael back then. He needed to realize having his little affair with Raphael was actually refreshing sometimes, even if he freaked out when things gone deeper than should or he wasn’t exactly sure how to react to certain situations and having absolute no clue how to initiate in certain amorous behaviors.

And then it finally came, another day, but another night aswell. They needed to keep trainings for Mikey still lighter, since his foot was actually hurt, but recovering well. Eventually even Leo made himself to join his brothers in a videogame, eventually spending some time with Don and finally, at night, when he rushed the other two in bed, he didn’t even need to say anything, Raphael was impatiently standing at the exit of the lair. When Leo made sure Mikey is well tucked in and Don is in bed too and their father was alright, he joined Raph with a smile and snuck out to their usual rooftop place. It didn’t take long, however they both tried to hold back and just casually sit and talk, until it just needed one glance and they already kissed.

“I fuckin’ missed this…” Raphael grumbled as he hungrily stole pecks and kisses from Leo.

Leo didn’t say anything, just enjoyed the moment. But his good old habit didn’t disappear, as eventually he broke the intimacy and just sat, leaned against Raphael. Raphael just sighed, this time he didn’t commented.

“Do you..want to come to my room…?” Leo finally asked hesitantly, getting frustrated as why he felt heat rising up in him, when he only meant it as innocent question.

“Ya mean..now?” Raphael’s eyes lit up, as he asked curiously.

“Well, you don’t need to if you don’t want to. I just thought it’d be nice to spend some time somewhere cozy…” Leo shrugged, then tensed up a bit, as he didn’t expect Raph to react so weirdly.

The other one was just stawing forward with widened eyes, then looked away with a frown, swallowing hard, clearly needing a moment to regain some composure. He had a wild hope sparkling up too soon.

“Yeah, sure! Nothin’ weird, just…hangin’ out.” Raphael nodded, rather reassuring himself.

“Huh?” Leo blinked confused.

“Nothin’! Come on!” He pulled Leo up, then rushed down.

“Ooookay?” Leo still frowned puzzled, as he followed.

They managed to sneak in silently, then as they approached Leo’s room, he somehow head his heart pounding too fast. He assumed he felt excitement and tension because it was a long time he could be close to Raphael. And it was just it. That’s all. Definitely nothing more.

Raph freed himself from all his gear beside his bandana and rug that covered his lower regions, then flopped down on the bed, then squirmed around, until he finally found the spot. Leo gave out a faint smile as he eventually waited and pressed up against Raphael. He sighed contently, as he closed his eyes relaxing like that. Raph just absent-mindedly curled Leo’s bandana end around his finger, as he stared at the candles.

“Those candles are scented.”

“Hm?” Leo opened his eyes.

“I always wondered how the heck ya manage to make yer room smell so nice. It’s the candles.”

“Yep.And sometimes I light some scented sticks. April got very excited when I enjoyed good scents and now she goes crazy buying me these.” Leo grinned.”You can take some of them if you want.”

“Nah, nothin’ can kill my stink.”

Leo snorted, then chuckled silently. Raph just huffed, then leaned in for a lazy kiss.

They stayed like that for a long while, until Leo finally alerted Raph, who almost fell asleep, so they needed to part.

 

The next day they got a surprise call from April, that they were invited to a movie night and she would really want to spend some time with the family. Her voice was persistent enough for all of them to go. Raphael was actually upset, as he didn’t want to go, although he really enjoyed Casey and April and spending time with them, but now he rather wanted to spend time with Leo again. However, they needed to go, Raphael managed to hide his grumpiness. After arriving and going through the long and joyful greetings, they finally settled in. The mutant family was shocked how prepared Casey and April was, as they excitedly guided them in the living room in front of the TV, where there were a lot of big pillows and couch and everything already prepared, already looked promising, but what made the turtles’ mouths water was the junkfood also prepared. Soda, coke, beer, popcorn, snacks and last but not least fresh pizza, big and a lot of them.

“G-guys, you shouldn’t have to…or at least could warn us so we come prepared also.” Leo said modestly.

“Naaah, this is party, bro!” Casey reassured him.

After they settled, April and Casey stepped in front.

“Alright! So! Tonight it’s family night!”

“Yes, well not to torture you by just staring at the pizza, we need to do an announcement.” April said, as she glanced at Casey smiling, who held her hand, then they glanced back at Master Splinter. “It’s finally decided, me and Casey are moving together. We’ve been dating for quite awhile now and well, this relationship led us to this point.”

“YAAAAS!” Mikey was the first to burst out in happiness, then the rest of the family, genuinely happy for them, as the two humans were just like a family for them and Master Splinter was just as proud of them as if them being his own children, or at least April being his big grown girl having a wild man with a good heart.

“Congratulations.” The old rat said smiling, there was some melancholy in his voice, but no one could wash off the proud smile off of his face.

After some talking and long happy moments, they finally settled in for the movie.

“Alright, we picked some family friendly movies, since we have pops with us.” Casey said, as he grinned at Master Splinter.

“Why? Do you think I can’t handle some gunpowder filled, laser and bloody action movie, son?” Master Splinter asked on a playful tone, as the turtles and April chuckled.

 

The night was pleasant, feeling cozy as they were gathered up there, munching pizza and popcorn together and drinking or sometimes laughing and commenting about certain scenes. Even Leo was getting more involved than Raphael, who eventually even left to the bathroom. Leo glanced after him, then since Raph wasn’t back, he got up too and rather went to the kitchen. For a moment he thought and got nervous, as he rolled back fresh memories and realized he might have been a bit too carried away. He was sitting close to Raphael and he didn’t mind that they were pressed close, as he was used to it and especially enjoyed it. Although he felt great being able to kind of being close to Raphael and also being with the whole family, he didn’t realize Raphael wasn’t in the best mood from the start, even if he managed to ease up a little before, however he might have been tense and kind of warm. Leo blamed the alcohol. He glanced, as Raph shuffled from the bathroom through the kitchen to reach back to the room, but froze, when his gaze met with Leo’s, who was leaned against the counter. Leo glanced at Raph expectantly. Raph approached Leo. Leo was about to lean in and ask Raph silently about his well-being, although he really didn’t need to be so silent, since the movie was fairly loud. But he couldn’t ask anything, as Raph’s mouth covered his without hesitation. It took a few moments for Leo to catch up with the fast paced stimulation, as Raph kissed him deeper, pushed him back against the counter and pressed his lower part to Leo’s, undoubtedly having and erection.

“R-Raph, stop…” Leo tried to protest, but his protest started to weaken, as heat rushed through his body, feeling like he couldn’t stop from kissing back, just needed more.

Raph didn’t say anything, just grinned pleased from the mess he made out of Leo, then turned him around, this time Leo facing the door which lead to the room, Raph slumping down, pressing his shell to the counter and worked his way without hesitation to free Leo’s building erection.

“Raph…what-“

“Jus’ watch the door.” Raph said with a daring grin, then with a little excited hesitation, licked his lips, gave a few strokes and then licked the tip of Leo’s shaft teasingly, making him used to the sudden sensation.

“Raph, are you kidding me?! N-no…wait…..shell..” Leo tried scolding and shocked, but it was too late, the warmth engulfed his erection already, after a few eager moves Leo saw the flashing lights from the TV on the wall go blurry.

Leo needed to place his elbows on the table as he felt his body heavy from the pleasure, and cover his mouth with one hand holding back the eager little moans that Raph managed to get out of him. He couldn’t help, but squirm in one place, helplessly bucking his hips, eagerly wanting more. He froze and snapped back in alert mode, when he heard his name being asked by April, then Raph’s too. He froze in place, he wanted to pull away from Raphael as fast as he could, but it was too late, April’s head popped into the kitchen. By reflex, he pressed his hips back roughly to straighten up, but regretted the decision instantly, as he thrusted back in Raph’s mouth deeply, the other even hitting his head in the counter. Luckily it could be easily interpreted as him hitting the counter with his knees.

“Heyyy, sup, not coming to watch the movie?” she asked on a chirping tone.

“Yeah, well, waiting for…unfh….R-Raph. Feeling uhm…kinda tired…” he managed an awkward smile.”He’s at the…he’s…uh…at the…” he couldn’t recollect his thoughts as he felt numb from the intense tingling feeling of wanting to thrust in that mouth so badly, and rather just pointed at the direction of the bathroom.

“Awww, okay, waiting, then.” She smiled, then returned back to the room.

Leo sighed relieved, then pulled away from Raphael, who managed a small little cough from the sudden intrusion, then blinked up with a dazed grin.

“Are you..ok?” Leo asked with a firm expression.

“Myeah…heh…” Raph grumbled.”But I’m not finished.” He pointed at Leo’s erection.

Leo frowned, then got up, forcing his erection as best as he could in hiding, then tried to pull Raph up.

“Come on. We need to go. Go very fast.” Leo said plainly, impatiently. Right now he just wanted Raphael  and he wanted him badly. His whole body was aching in protest of not continuing the pleasuring, but he needed to keep it together. It was a chance that he selfishly held onto and didn’t want to miss it.

“Go?Fast?” Raph asked puzzled, as he barely could get up, but followed Leo.

As they went at the room, Leo punched Raph in the stomach roughly, he could feel it even through the plastron, making Raph curl up and holding his stomach, as he forced a calm smile on his face, approach April with the tactic of going from behind the couch, so his lower part was covered, so was Raph from his figure.

“Uhm, April, I’m sorry, I’m afraid I need to take Raph home. He doesn’t fell too good. I can come back later, but he really needs a rest.”

April looked up at Leo first with a smile, then a worried expression shifted on his face, then worriedly glanced at Raph, then back at Leo. The act surely was convincing.

“Oh, is there something I can do?”

“No, don’t worry, it’s all alright, just him and Mikey don’t know their limits. Please keep an eye on Mikey okay?”  he waved behind his back at Raph to hurry at the exit very fast before everyone’s attention is on them. The least they needed was someone to see any tents in their pants.

“Okay, then. I’m sorry it happened like this, hope to talk soon. Get better, Raphie!” she rose to accompany them out, but Leo reassure her it was all fine and finally convinced her to just sit there.

By the time everyone’s attention was on them and kept asking what happened and April was informing them, Leo already pulled Raph out.

“What the fuck was that for?!” Raphael snapped, as they hurried home or rather Raph tried to keep the pace with Leo.

“Needed a good excuse to leave.” Leo said still on a plain, focused tone. He was horny and angry from that frustration.

“Man, such a mood killer! I could have just get ya off there n’ then! Couple o’ minutes and we’re all done and happy!”

Leo didn’t react. Raph sighed, as they walked in the sewers.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hold myself back, just….”

“It’s fine.”

“How the fuck is that fine, when yer angry?!” Raph complained, as he didn’t notice when were they even in the lair.

Before he could process anything, Leo already dragged him in his room, arms around Raph’s neck, lips on Raph’s.

“I Am angry.” Leo said between pants from intense kissing.”You’re really something, huh.” he grumbled, he wasn’t even aware how he said that and how he glared at Raph was seductive enough to make Raph’s pulse raise.

It was a joke, when Mikey joked around about “I feel my shell tighten”, but the built up tension and longing really gave a new kind of arousal for Leo. He felt so turned on, he felt his body exploding in any minute, or feeling his shell “tighten”. They didn’t say any more words, just made out, as they collapsed on the bed.

They just kissed, but yet this was so different. It felt different. It wasn’t enough. No matter how rushed, how rough they pressed together or kissed, it wasn’t enough. Leonardo wasn’t sure why was this moment when Raph pushed the wrong buttons and made him feel this helpless and infuriated and frustrated. The frustration and anger and the sensation of being turned on was way stronger than his fears and doubts.

“Nh, Raph, just…more…”he groaned on a complaining tone, as he pressed up against Raph more.

“More..?” Raph asked catching his breath.

“I…just…I don’t know, just do something, I feel sick!”

Raph blinked, then examined Leo for a moment, then bit his lower lip.

“I feel like…my body’s hurting.” Leo growled frustrated.

Raph needed a longer moment to process, then he grinned, pressed a kiss to Leo’s cheek, then got up and rushed out. Leo blinked blankly, he really didn’t understand why Raphael just left him there. He was very close to a mental breakdown from confusion and abandonment, when Raphael came back with the same wide smile and a small bottle. Leo didn’t even notice it at first, he just hold onto Raphael rougher and glared at him, showing how he wasn’t pleased at all being abandoned like that just before. He froze, when he heard Raph fumble with the bottle. Leo parted his arms and legs away from Raph, as he leaned away, eyeing the bottle with suspicion.

“What’s that.”

“Lube?” Raph responded, then made an unamused expression. “Don’t tell me ya don’t know what’s this…”

“No…not…really sure why it has to be here right now…and how do you even have it.” Leo glared examining the bottle still as Raph spilled its content on his hand.

“This little shit makes ya feel even better, trust me. I know ‘cause I saw enough shit n’ having a sick friend like Casey with whom could discuss stuffs and he got it for me.”

Leo still glared at the bottle, then Raph, who threw the bottle aside on the bed, then leaned in, kissing Leo.

“It’ll be alright, just trust me.” He grumbled on a soothing, reassuring tone, as he also pet Leo’s inner thigh with his dry hand. “Jus’..lemme…” he grumbled, but he was rather focused on his hand, as he smeared some lube on Leo’s erection with a few strokes, trying his best – even if impatiently and clumsily- to soothe Leo, as he was very nervous himself. He was screaming internally in stress, as they were actually pushing through a very dangerous boundary, and even if he saw countless porn videos and for their relationship’s sake, he did his homework by educating himself even more how it should be done, if they ever happen to get to it, and here he was now, finally, and he was too stressed to know exactly what he needed to do. There was no porn, no internet to guide him anywhere, he needed to figure it out. It wasn’t easing his troubles, the fact that Leonardo was a very difficult partner and the least he wanted is to have this sensation ruined for both of them. He was so confident about reaching to this point for a very long time and he was finally here and he felt like chickening out. He hesitated for a very long moment, until he finally mustered up enough courage to lower his hand and start massaging some lube on Leo’s entrance too. He tensed up, when Leo tensed up and stressed out with a gasp.

“R-Raph…?” his voice was filled with fear and shock.

“It’s ok….”

Although he tried his best to soothe Leo, the other still sat up and tried to pull his hand away.

“Fer fuck’s sake, Leo! Ye got us home and dragged me in yer room and then complained of wantin’ more!” Raph snapped impatiently.

“I’m sorry….but we shouldn’t.”

“ ‘Cause?! If ya hate me or feel disgusted, ya supposed to say it few months earlier!”

“No, it’s…” Leonardo sighed. ”I’m just scared…”admitting that was very tough, but he managed to say it out loud for once. Finally speaking up when should and not just resolve important conversations in his mind only, while Raph always tried to speak up.

Raph’s rough snarl calmed, then sighed.

“I’m scared too, but I really like ya and I really want to do this…”

Leo glanced at Raph, then wondered for a long moment. Why was he even tormenting both of them. They clearly wanted this. He wanted this. He was doing embarrassingly disgusting things as fingering himself in the shower fantasizing about Raphael more than once. He brushed a hand over his face.

“Ok…ok..uhm.” Leo tried. He needed to be brave now. This was a tough, but a very obvious decision.”Let’s just….calm down and we could try. If it doesn’t work out, then we can stop and carry on, right?”

“Right.” Raph’s face brightened up with hope and excitement.

They managed a smile at each other, then Leo finally lay back down, pulling Raph over him, this time they didn’t kiss so rushed and rough, it was actually very passionate, bringing back the resonance of pleasurable frictions on a soothing, enjoyable way. This time Raph was more daring, getting more lube, then a little adjustment, some more courage and his finger was trying to ease up the tightness. He gave out a shaky sigh, as he pressed his forehead to Leo’s, while Leo closed his eyes, biting his lower lip, trying to hold back the little needy noises. It took some time, which felt like hours, until finally Leo gave permission for Raph to try more. At this point he wasn’t oblivious about the situation either. It still felt like a dream from him. But it was real. They were there on his bed, sharing their first time with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohoooo, things are happening! x3 I made another wrap-up about some happenings, because if I get down and write everything detailed, this fanfic would have 100 chapters x.x Maybe another time! I also feel like this is better this way. Also question for those who read the lewd content too: Should I detail further in the next chapter's beginning how the whole first sexy time goes til the end, or should I leave it like this, free for interpretation for everyone and not detail any further? and just start with the next day in the next chapter? x3 Whaddaya say hehe? x333


	20. Chapter 18

 

**!! Explicit Sexual content!!**

 

**It starts with it! Skip til the next morning part, if you don't want to read it >.<**

It felt like when I thread is ripped. Sudden change. Just seconds. Maybe it was true, maybe virginity really wasn’t just taken significantly physically only, but mentally too, Leo thought absent-mindedly, as he felt no more embarrassment or panic, as Raphael was kissing him so eagerly and his finger still probing Leonardo’s entrance. Before, he panicked out several times. At first he managed to stress Raphael out too, but in no time Raphael lost his patience with Leo’s whining and complaining and the usual “We need to stop”s, that Raphael really and truly had enough of. Raphael was persistent by not moving away, and so finally he managed to make Leonardo give up with the struggles already.

Raphael sighed contently, having an intimate, peaceful moment, needing to process for a moment, that this was not a fantasy anymore, it’s actually happening. Leo’s warmth and awkwardly shifting body was enough constant reminder. His faith and affection towards his brother was enough to calm down and trust them. Trust them and not be afraid about anything new. He slowly removed his finger, a smirk formed on his lips, as he managed to muster out a surprised little moan from Leo.

“I will now…..” Raphael tried to state the obvious, but it sounded so awkward he just rather cleared his throat and grabbed his own erection, positioning himself more between Leo’s legs. So far so good. Leonardo’s reaction was more curious, than panicked. That was good start at least.

“Yeah…” Leo just mumbled as a silent approval. He indiscreetly examined Raph’s member, making the other even more nervous, especially when Leo admired him for a moment longer. There was some lust and pride in that gaze, but there was also something primal and intimidating. At least so it felt for Raphael, yet he was over Leo. Leonardo’s thoughts surfaced again, as sometimes do, being so proud having Raphael to himself, sharing such a big secret with the other and having the other just for himself. The big tough “macho boy” yearning so badly for his attention and affection.  For this moment only he allowed the luxury for himself being amused by the highly taboo selfish thought that he “owns” Raphael. Raphael is his. Such an indulgent thought. Leo bit his lower lip, feeling heat rushing through him, as he lifted his hand and sensually brushing over Raph’s plastron. He could swear he noticed Raphael’s cheeks getting darker, more than likely from blushing. Little did he know, that while he was so buried in his own little mind world, his enigmatic expressions and acts had an effect on Raphael too. Raph stared back at Leo, feeling his body could explode from heat and clustered, numbing desire to get physical any minute. He gave out an impatient, desperate grunt, as he lowered down with his upper body, smashing his lips against Leo’s and without any more hesitation, pressing the tip of his member to Leo’s entrance. Leo kissed back with an appreciative muffled grumble, but he tensed up and broke the kiss, leaning away, worriedly glancing down.

“W-wait…”

“Now what.” Raphael sighed annoyed being disturbed by sudden break of events for the hundredth time.

“You should…I guess you should uhm….use that bottle..on your uh..”

“I did, while ya were busy being sexy…” Raphael grumbled on an unamused tone, pressing to Leo rougher, demonstrating the reassuring slipperiness.

“Uhm…ok, but ….should we…really do this…?” Leo tried to slightly move away, somehow his sassiness from before dissolving in the minute as feeling Raphael close to him. The fear of Raphael seeing him vulnerable didn’t let his mind rest.

Raphael sighed.

“Do ya wanna switch….?” Raph offered, although his voice wasn’t convincing he really wanted that.

Leo blinked surprised, then frowned wondering.

“No…?”

“Then hold onto me and lemme focus here! All ya need to do is just relax, alright?”

“Easier said, than done…” Leo grumbled, sulking.

“Look, we gonna have a great time, ‘kay?” Raphael tried reassuringly, as he pressed a rough, comforting kiss on Leo’s cheek, as he managed to dare doing a rough grind with his erection against Leo’s entrance. The sudden friction brought out a small gasp from both. This was enough of a wake up call for Leonardo to reconsider his nervousness. Once again, he wanted this. They wanted this. Then why would his reflexes constantly order him to make it stop. He was too tense. He closed his eyes, inhaled, then exhaled. The decision was made long ago.

“Alright. Nevermind what I said. Excuse my doubts. I uhm….I want this too….” Leonardo finally mustered up enough courage to say it out loud. His shaky voice still rang pathetic in his mind, but it was more than enough reassurance for Raphael on the other hand. The other kissed him so suddenly, so eagerly and deeply, they were ran out of breath fast. Raphael initiated grinding again, getting rougher or speeding up the pace exploring what sent even more friction through their bodies. Leo tried to shift in a better position so that Raphael could press closer to him, however, after a few moves and he barely could control his body, as legs pressed against Raphael’s sides, thighs trembling. Raphael stopped for a moment, kissing Leo passionately, then reached down and eagerly lined up and started pressing in. Well, it was tougher than he thought. Leo happened to be way tighter than he assumed, besides it didn’t help that the other was too stressed and needed to loosen up.

“Fuck…” Raphael grumbled on a low husky tone. He tried forcing more. At least Leo wasn’t trying to shift away. “C’me on…..relax a bit.” Raph asked silently on an impatient tone.

“Ok…” Leo grunted back nervously, then slumped in place in defeat. “How...”

“Like…ya know…lemme in?”

“Oh wow, very helpful tip.” Leo sighed. Then closed his eyes. At least even in such critical times his mind was working well enough to think about a solution. A kind of meditation. Just enough to loosen up  his body, exhaling, inhaling, sending soothing energy through his heated up, tense body, calming his sore muscles. Before he could finish the little moment and give Raphael any reassurance, the other already roughly started pressing in, until the end of his member was fully covered with heat, leaving Leonardo without breath.

“Ohohohooo, fuck yeah!” Raph grinned, as he pecked Leo, then pressed in as deep as he could.

“R-Raph….wai-nfh!” Leo tried, pain and an unfamiliar tightness made his heart skip a beat and rather feeling like it was beating in his throat.

“Yer so tight I can’t move…” Raph complained, as he did not have any intentions to just stay in that position and rather being eager to finally thrusting, however the plan wasn’t working.

“Just give me a moment….” Leo mumbled on a shaky, out of breath tone, gasping for air for a moment.

His heart beating crazy, breath uneven, feeling sweat rolling down on his skin, but nothing was as unbearable as the heat and numbing pain of yearning for more stimulation. Leonardo needed a long moment to get used to the unfamiliar intrusive feeling and get over the crazy heartbeat and uncomfortable tension. He collapsed from his elbows on his shell and rather reached up to get a hold onto Raph’s broad shoulders.

“Okay…I guess…OW!” he couldn’t even finish his sentence and Raphael made a daring, too sudden, too rough deep thrust.

“Sorry…” Raphael grumbled on a low, husky tone.

Eventually after a few awkward attempts and apologizing to Leo, he managed to control his hips instead of thrusting eagerly and unevenly, rather allowing his whole body to move with the motion, rather than just sending his hips into drilling motion as if being a machine. The slow pace was a much more rewarding pleasure source.  It felt like sinking in the of flow comforting pleasure and heat, feeling so close and safe, that nothing ever mattered. Raphael lowered his upper body back down, immediately meeting with Leonardo’s welcoming embrace, pressing his cheek to Leo’s and sneaking his hands under Leo, holding him close, getting a hold onto his shoulder from behind, keeping him in place not to ever manage to break the contact. For Leonardo on the other hand wasn’t such a flow of great stimulation. It rather felt like an intrusive sensation that pumped the air out of him every time, making him feel embarrassed as he couldn’t control his own vocal cords enough, so every thrust it made him give out small noises. The sensation was rather painful and numbing, making his insides feeling sore and his stomach jump. He was struggling with the unfamiliar feeling, in his fantasies it certainly was pictured differently and Raphael definitely wasn’t pictured larger, than his own finger, but he was terribly wrong with that in reality. Raphael was quite the size and being inside like that felt enormous. Maybe there was a tint of disappointment in every stabbing pain that lasted for a moment, then the longer lasting soreness replacing it.  Although he felt that way, his body was still burning up, he was still sweating and panting and “moaning like an idiot”. Eventhough he felt such an unfamiliar sensation and such intrusive simulation, Raphael’s closeness and touch and voice was reassuring and comforting. That he cherished the most. Just the plain presence of Raphael was more than enough pleasure for him. His skin, his voice, his smell, just everything that was Raphael. Feeling so emotional even at such a critical moment, he wrapped his arms around Raphael’s neck and kissed him affectionately, while his sore muscles were giving in, his body getting tired of fighting the rough stimulation and he just slumped in place, muscles letting up defeated.

“Finally…” Raphael grumbled on a deep, raspy tone between breaths, lips still brushing Leo’s.

“Hm…?” Leo tried processing Raphael ever said anything.

And then.

How wrong he was just before.

Raphael started thrusting in deeper and harder. Leo’s eyes widened and with a gasp, gave out a surprised louder moan. The pleasure and heat came so suddenly, even after it his body was still trembling from the after resonance.

“Shell yeah…” Raphael smirked contently, as he was proud of himself finally finding that one spot. “Better, ey?”

“R-Raph……oooh..shell! It’s just…!” Leo tried between clenched teeth, trying his best to hold back the moans he found so embarrassing, then covered his mouth with one hand. No more doubts. No more thoughts, no more embarrassment or anger of feeling so vulnerable and definitely no disappointment that lasted such a little time anyways. Even the pain and soreness was forgotten long ago. It was just there, the stimulation, the heat left him breathless each thrust, anticipating almost impatiently for every pressure to happen inside.

“No….c’me on….noone’s home ….anyways….I wanna hear ya scream for me..” Raphael managed between pants, as he grabbed Leo’s wrist and pressed up beside him on the pillow, holding it there, then hunting down the other hand, which tried to cover the other’s place on Leo’s mouth, just giving Raphael more boost to thrust in harder and deeper, while keeping Leo’s hands in place.

“But…RAPH..!” Leo tried to protest, but in vain, since he had nothing to cover his face with, biting down his lower lip didn’t help much either, since his nasal regions weren’t enough to take enough oxygen in.

“Yeah, that’s right…” Raphael grumbled between pants.

As Raphael’s pace grew stronger, each thrust felt like echoing the same heightened friction through Leo’s body over and over, making his kind of loud moans into more silent whimpers, as his body trembled from the continuous merciless stimulation. No matter how much he was out of breath, no matter how his thighs felt numb and body soaked in sweat or how embarrassing he felt that he couldn’t control himself as he wanted to, with the perfectionist demands he had about his own self, no matter how the tickling feeling of stimulation felt like making him cry in any minute-which would be even more embarrassing-, he just didn’t want it all to stop. He even managed to muster out a few muffled encouraging words or call Raph’s name, until the pounding suddenly stopped, Raph’s cheek pressed to Leo’s plastron, and Raph’s whole body tensing up. Leo grunted out a surprised, but rather disappointed sound, bucking his hips for a moment, demanding it to continue.

“ Raph…please…come on!”

“Jus’….jus’ a sec….I gotta come, but I don’t wanna…….unfh shell…” Raphael managed breathlessly, heaving.

“But Raph I want to!”

“Mhfine…”

Raphael pushed himself up in position, exhaled sharply, then resumed. The renewing sensation of the now familiar simulation brought Leo to edge, clawing in Raph’s arms, keeping himself as steady as possible.

“Unfh, I…I’m close! Raph..just…..yes!” Leo exclaimed as his mind went blank for a moment, just shivering in the sweet intensity of his first ever orgasm, that was scattering through every inch of his body. Raph couldn’t help but grin for a moment, then in no time he clenched his teeth, speeding up, uncontrollably thrusting, as his gasps and pants intensified, then with a loud growl and tensed up muscles released his last drops of ecstasy in Leo. Then with a few more lazy thrusts and breathless kisses, he collapsed on his equally exhausted brother. After a few moments catching their breaths and waiting for the aftereffects of their first and most intimate time together in months. It took some time for Leo to regain some consciousness and manage to demand his limp body to lazily, but skillfully flip Raphael over on the bed, so that he could squirm and bundle up beside the larger one in a better position, since while Raph was towering on him, he stole all the breaths Leo also needed and also squished the unnecessary air out of him. In the new position he could definitely feel his muscles sore and he really wanted to shower, but there were no words to describe how comfortable and light he felt in his own skin. It felt like as if he was lighter a great few pounds. And he definitely felt sleepy.

“Well wow…” Raphael broke the comfortable silence.

“Mhm.” Leo murmured absent-mindedly.

“So…”

“It was amazing. Thank you, Raphael.” Leo blinked for a moment, his voice got raspy from all the panting and moaning, and it definitely was sounding strange for him. It did carry great fresh memories.

“HAH! I told ya we’ll have a great time! And what the Hell are ya thankin’ for like…shit. “Oooh…we caaaaan’t” “Oooh, Raphael stoop!” “

Leo just pressed a lazy kiss on Raph’s lips to make him shut up.

“How do you even have energy to be angry at this time…?”

“I’m always angry.” Raphael grumbled on a sulking tone.”No, wait..” he grinned widely with a content expression. ”I’m not angry. I’m just in love.” He nodded, being pleased with the feeling and statement.

Leo’s eyes widened, his embrace tightened on Raphael. The statement really caught him off guard. And once again, he knew he supposed to say something, rushed words circling in his head, such as “me too” or “I feel the same” or anything, but his mind just went blank. Somehow he just always froze and couldn’t articulate out properly when he needed to speak up filled with emotions. He just sighed and pressed his face in the curve of Raph’s neck.

 

 

On the next morning Leonardo, as best and refreshed he felt the day before, as sore and lazy and slightly moody he felt the other day. Although he still could recall the sweet times he had with Raphael and his backside was certainly a reminder of Raphael’s past erection pounding there, or that he felt sticky all over, he still felt annoyed, as he really wanted to rest more in the sheet bundle and Raphael in it, but he needed to force himself awake and fast get over his morning routines and wake Raphael up to get the other in his room before anyone else wakes up. The plan was perfect. Wake Raphael up, toss him in his room, rush into the bathroom, feeling fresh enough for the day, act like nothing serious happened, make sure family is alright, ask them about last night and totally avoid that anything special happened between him and Raphael. Ever. Everything will be fine. Except the fact, that the minute he shook Raphael up and grabbed the door to open it and push Raph out, Leo froze, as he heard Mikey’s big mouth speaking something to Don as he was approaching the kitchen.

“Shit….” Leo grunted, then waited. He froze in position and just listened, regaining by reflex the ninja instincts that they mastered from their father for years.

He definitely heard noises from the kitchen. Brother already awake. He glanced at the time on his shelf. They slept in. They father was most likely up, but the rat was so silent it was never predictable where he was.

“Stay here. I’ll check and I’ll knock twice if you can leave.” He ordered Raphael, then fast pulled his rugs on himself, making a grimace as it made him feel uncomfortable, dressing up before a good shower.

Raphael yawned and nodded, he really wasn’t yet comprehending the severity of the situation. Leonardo arranged his bandana, then inhaled, exhaled, then left his room, body tense from stress and tension. He tried to act all normal, as he fast glanced around. He stretched in front of his door, as he was just standing and observing for a longer moment. His brothers were no threat, he was rather searching for the father. He made a dangerous move, of almost being spotted, as he jumped off to the main area. He swallowed back a grunt, as he felt sluggish and sore, definitely not in the shape to ninja around. He froze, as he leaned aside, seeing their father being busy with a plant in his room. He sighed silently, then walking backwards, eyeing both doors, the kitchen and the father’s room, he backed back to his door’s room and lightly knocked twice. The minute until Raphael finally opened it up, felt like a tense eternity, but the other was so calm about it, he even pressed a light peck on Leo’s lips and headed to his room with a lazy yawn. Leonardo frowned after Raphael for being so dangerously careless, anyone could have seen them in that moment. Then he shook his head and headed for a shower.

When he was done, he indeed felt way better. Some of the soreness eased up, he felt refreshed and all clean. Even movements felt better after a great shower. Then he fast headed to the kitchen. He really wanted to see his brothers and their expressions, seeking for the cluelessness.

“Good morning.” He greeted naturally, his voice still sounded unusually raspy.

“Yoooo! Man, why did you leave last night?! The movie ended so great, but I’m not gonna spoiler it for you! Plus at the end we ate some ice cream too! Duuude, I haven’t been so well fed with junk food in mah life!” Mikey already started, petting his own stomach dreamily, remembering the great food he had at April’s.

Donatello just nodded and examined Leo from head to toe, as he loosely moved his cup of half emptied coffee mug in his hand in a circling motion. Leo just listened to Mikey with a half smile, he was very aware of Don’s gaze, but he intentionally avoided it.

“Would you guys like to eat some sushi?” Leonardo eventually changing subject, as he started preparing some tea, but then he froze, when he noticed the tea was done, most likely by the father. It just made him feel even more tense.

“Yeah!! But we’re not gonna start a diet, right?” Mikey asked worriedly.

“Oh, that’s a good idea, Mikey! We should definitely plan a diet. What do you say, Don?” Leo teased the younger one.

“Yes, I’m definitely up for it. I will make a thorough research and we can plan a strict diet. I’m sure Mikey won’t mind eating lettuce only for the rest of his life.” Don also joined the teasing.

“Guys, come oon, this is not funny! I mean you’re just joking, right? Dooonnie, come on, you supposed to be on my side!” Mikey smiled nervously.

“You know how it is, Mikey. We need to follow the leader’s orders.” Don continued the teasing as he shrugged.

“Dooniiieeeee, you betrayed me!” then he turned at Leo, who was grinning,  leaned against the counter, but hid his smile behind the mug, sipping his tea contently. ”Leo? Bro, come on, just the word of diet is killing me!”

“Who the Hell dares mentioning “diet” in this kitchen!” Raphael lazy, deep, raspy voice thundered in the kitchen annoyedly.

“RAPH!! HEEELP, THESE TWO ARE HAVING AN EVIL PLAN!” Mikey exclaimed dramatically, pointing at Leo’s and Don’s direction.

“Don’t worry, Mikey, we’re gonna catch them and take ‘em as hostages and make ‘em regret mentioning any “strict diet” in This kitchen!” Raphael said dramatically, playfully punching in his palm, but then they burst out in chuckles, Mikey glanced at his chuckling brothers, then sighed in relief.

“It was a joke, thank god’s shiny shell…” Mikey reassured himself.

“Alright, then. When you’re all ready, let’s go to the dojo.” Leo said, as he washed his mug, then as he was leaving the kitchen, he glanced at Raph with a half smile, who returned the gesture, then Leo left, as Mikey bounced after him, trying to negotiate about the lunch. Raphael absent-mindedly glanced after Leo, forgetting there was Don too and stared at Leo’s ass satisfied, as he was chugging down some milk, while leaning on the opened fridge door.

“You might want to at least close the door.” Don said calmly, as he sipped his coffee and grabbed his phone.

Raphael choked on some milk, as he was surprised by the calm voice, which sounded very aware of what was Raphael doing. Raph slammed in the door, grabbed his cereals, threw it on the table with the milk, grabbed a bowl and spoon, then slumped on the chair, then prepared his meal, then started eating.

Donatello glanced up at Raphael, then smirked, as he glanced back on his phone’s screen.

“So how are you feeling?” he asked on a friendly tone.

“Fine.” Raphael snapped back grumpily.

“Yes, you seem fine, considering you felt incredibly ill last night.”

Raph froze. He glared at Don. He had suspicions Donatello already figured that there is something going on between him and Leonardo, but usually Donatello just ignores things, that don’t concern him or just simply accepts it. However, this time not only he really pointed out that he is perfectly aware about the situation, there was a glimpse of warning in his tone. That didn’t sound alright.

“Oh yeah…well…I jus’ needed to throw up an’ wa-…”

“I see.” Don interrupted still on a calm tone. ”Well Leonardo promised he’ll visit back to April and Casey after he made sure you’re home.”

“He did? Maybe he didn’t feel like it, then.” Raph shrugged.

“Yes, probably.” Don got up, washed his mug, then leaned in to Raphael. “Pretty much transparent, isn’t it?” he smiled, then headed out to the dojo.

Raphael clenched his teeth, crunching roughly on the cereals. Donatello’s reaction wasn’t right.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaaaaaa, new chapter is up with juicy details, as most of you voted! x3 Yaaaay we can finally get out our party crackers and champagne! Leo finally gave in for some love, Raphael finally feeling safe and content too. Let's hope it was all worth it! owo 


	21. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaaaaay, I was early posting chapter on this weekend! Another unintentional sexy scene happened, oh well, they deserve it, huh! x3 And oh look, a very sweet family moment was slipped in here, because they are all dear!~ Because this is the plan, right? No matter how deep Leonardo and Raphael are diving into this love, they still try to maintain the family balance. Sweet! We're getting somewhere! Or rather said, they, but Don still doesn't seem pleased hmmmmmm

**!! Explicit Sexual content!!**

 

**After Leonardo and Raphael decides to go back home from their night hang out, skip the chapter from that part, if you don't want to read it >.<**

              

After an eventful morning, Leo spent some time after lunch with their father exercising some secret techniques with his swords and after that,  they meditated.

               „My son, I sense great amount of agitation in you. Care to elaborate?” Master Splinter spoke up, as he was clearly disturbed by Leonardo’s restlesness. Little did he know Leo’s body felt too sore, and his mind too excited about the earlier night happenings. However, he felt awful thinking about such things, when their father was right next to him.

               „I’m sorry.” Leo opened his eyes. He really felt tension. The pressure and nervousness of not being entirely honest and hiding something big. He so wanted to tell the big news with such joy to their father and always share how it made him go through some positive changes, but at the same time he was utterly terrified. He didn’t want to disappoint their father. He assumed strongly that their sensei will be very angry and even angrier about the fact, that Leonardo did something tabo and is even happy about it. He felt like a careless teenager committing a crime and trying to keep it as a secret from his loving parent as not to hurt the parent about his terrible mistakes, that he even indulges.

               „Is there something we need to talk about?” Master Splinter patiently asked.

               „No...not really. Everything is actually fairly alright. I am just...feeling a bit restless.” Heat rose to Leo’s cheeks, not that he felt nervous, he now started to feel embarrassed too.

               „I see. Well we do not need to force meditation, it never does any good if it’s forced.” The old rat said, as he stood up. He wondered silently, rather feeling upset how Leonardo seemed to close up more and more from him.

               „I’m sorry, sensei...”

               „No need to be, Leonardo.” Splinter managed a smile ”I actually planned to gather you all and share a moment of fine arts.”

               „Oh? I’ll..I’ll call the others, then!”

               „Alright, make sure to gather some of our old canvases, the paints are stored in the big wooden box at Donatello’s storage. Oh and don’t forget the pencils and brushes!”

               „Yes, sensei.” Leonardo bowed, then with excited steps, the rushed to gather his brothers. He loved the idea of painting together. It was very long they ever sat down and let their creativity go wild, putting it on paper, then sharing it, discussing and laughing. He actually enjoyed painting or mastering the rafined skills of painting kanji or hiragana. „Heey! Family activity is happening, gather here, guys!” Leo shouted in the main area, clapping twice. He frowned annoyed, when noone reacted, just Don shouted a „coming”, which wasn’t happening too fast. Leo sighed, then went to get them one by one, if the group call wasn’t working. He wondered maybe he should shout something as an order, a group call, as if gathering them for something very urgent and important.

               „Mmmmooaiiikeeeeeeyyyy!” Leo said playfully on a slow motion, as he leaned in Mikey’s room sideways, his bandanas hanging down vertically. Mikey didn’t react at first, because he had his headphones on, but the movement and the slow deep voice caught his attention. He glanced at Leo, then grinned widely, waving at the other.

               „Dude! Check this video out! Ants surely have a wild way to sex! I mean..more likely the queen, and this ant dude goes in like....did you know ant dudes have wings, but they’re chewed off, when he goes to do the boogie with the queen?!”

               „Well uhm....that’s pretty wild, yeah. Now how about you follow me?” Leonardo tried his best to close out the echoing word in his mind that Mikey pronounced out so carelessly.

               „Why? Where are we going?! Why are we going? Who is coming? Or it is just me! Oh, I knew you finally give in to my perfections and realize I’m the best partner to a badass fight! Like...bringing down the bad l like SH-BOWM!” he jumped up, then followed Leo, his mouth never stopping from blurting out endless crazy schemes, when they went to find Raphael. It wasn’t really that hard to find him. He was obviously working out, weightlifting.

               Leo leaned against the doorway, as he folded his arms and grinned at Raphael, not disturbing him just yet, as the other was lifting some serious business. Leo couldn’t help, but stare at Raphael’s well built muscles, as sweat rolled down on those firm curves, he absentmindedly bit his lower lip, pleasant memories of their night spent together lingering in his thoughts, but then Mikey bumped in his shell and snapped him out of it. Raphael was aware they were there, but still counted down his last pushes before placing the bar back in place and getting off the bench.

               „Wait, Raph’s room, why are we at Raph’s room?” Mikey asked curiously, as he leaned out from behind Leo.

               „Raph is coming too, so will Donnie.” Leo explained calmly, as he entered, then moved to grab the bar to make Raphael finally stop being a machine that just goes on with exercise until he doesn’t know why he’s dizzy and exhausted til the end, forgetting to stop. „Come now.” Leo grumbled demanding.

               „Oh, missed me already?” Raphael grinned, then obliged.

               „Well, if you ask me, no, not really.” Mikey teased.

               „Yeah, right, of course you weren’t the one just before that was annoying stickin’ ’round in my room and needed to kick ya out, right?” Raph teased back  Mikey, as he grabbed a towel to dry himself a little, meanwhile Leo waited for them to follow him.

               „Who me? Nah, I’m not sure who are you talking about!” Mikey looked away, then bounced after Leo. „Hey, hey! Leo, hey! Hey guess what?”

               „What, Mikey?”

               „Have you seen ...” and so he started his flood of questions about random videos and movies, until Raphael grabbed him by the face and pushed the smaller one behind him, meanwhile he advanced further behind Leo.

               „So why do ya need us, fearless?”

               „We are going to have a family activity. I already told you, but noone was paying attention, as always.”

               „Yeah, and what’s that?”

               „Yeah, what’s that!” Mikey echoed Raph’s question, as he tried to lean over Raphael with no luck, as the other was latter and broader.

               „You’ll see.” Leo smiled, then knocked at Don’s lab’s door, however, only a false reassurance come the „one moment!!”, which Leo heard a couple of minutes earlier.

               „No, no, lemme handle this.” Raphael said, then entered without any knocks or questions, confidently searching and then without any hesitation, removing the genius from his natural habitat.

               „Wait, almost, wait NOOOOOOO!” Don’s dramatic voice was heard, and in a few minutes Raphael arrived with Don on his shoulder, who was still tinkering with the device in his hands, even if he was almost upside down, only supported by Raph’s arm holding him from his legs. Meanwhile Don using Raphael’s shell as a support on his work, ignoring the fact the other was carrying him around with ass forward to the world.

               As Raphael turned at Leo and faced away from Mikey, Don was rather facing backwards, so at Mikey, who leaned down at Don’s face’s level, leaned in with a wide grin.

               „Hi, Donnie!”

               „Hey Mikey...” Don said silently, as he still was immersed in his work, then Raph turned around since Leo wanted to speak to Donatello.

               „Bye, Donnie! Hi, Raph!” Mikey playfully kept greeting around, as Raphael needed to turn around, so Don was facing Leo and favorably not with his backside.

               „Don, we need pencils, canvases, brushes and paints.” Leo said calmly, as he leaned to face Don as Mikey did before.

               „Storage, left corner, big box with child-us drawings on it. You need to move off the other boxes and the...no, no wait, don’t touch anything, I’ll go. Wait, I’m stuck...no..who is this?!” Don finally coming back to reality, leaving the gadget be as how it was for now and leaned up with a frown. „Oh, it’s Raph. Hey, put me down!”

               „How much do ya pay?” Raph grinned, teasing.

Mikey crouched down beside Raph, laughing at Don, still being amused about Don, when he was so immersed with his stuffs, that eventually he didn”t even know in what universe he was in.

„Put him down, Raph.” Leo chuckled.

After they finally gathered the required items, they went and set the dojo up, putting down newspapers and plastic bags, knowing they’ll make a mess. Mikey even managed to get an afro clown wig which they kept between the many now unusef stuffs.

„Sir, you chose the right professional artist to teach wisdom!” Mikey said on a theatrical act to Master Splinter, who was busy setting his canvas up. Raphael rolled his eyes smacking the wig off of Mikey’s head, Don was already planning.

„Well, Michelangelo, if you believe to be such a professional, how about you suggest us a theme to start letting our minds free?” The old rat said on a playful tone.

„Oh, oh!! I have hundreds of ideas!” and Mikey already started out blurting out ideas from grabbing random objects til blindolf painting.

„Those are all very challenging ideas, Michelangelo, however, I’d have the suggestion, or rather task, that you try to describe your current emotions in form of a painting.”

Leo’s hand froze with the brush, he hid more behind his canvas. Mikey groaned, but then accepted the challenge, when Raphael and Don agreed to it. They all finally settled in and started to paint, expect Leonardo. He helplessly stared at his canvas. Plain, white, blank. That was always how he felt, when he needed to express his emotions openly. His current emotions? Those he definitely didn’t want to express. He glanced around, seeing Donatello contently mixing colors and trying them out on his palette, meanwhile Mikey kept pestering and annoying Raphael, while the other growled annoyed, then eventually with a malicious grin he started mixing all his colors on a big pond of smear on his palette, then turned his head at Michelangelo.

„Yo, Mikey, come here.”

„What? Need my perfect advice? I wo-...” but he couldn’t continue, as Raphael grabbed his head and smashed it in the paintmix, then pushed Mikey’s face covered in paint on his canvas, then let him go, sniggering on a deep pleased tone, viewing his masterpiece.

Mikey annoyedly swiped off the paint to see, then glared at Raph, then on the canvas, then he gasped with bright eyes.

„Oh my god, that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!” Mikey said, as he leaned against Raphael and hugged him, but it was rather a sneaky embrace, as he pet Raphael’s shell, wiping off the paint from his hands, that he groomed off of his face before and smeared it up all on Raphael’s shell, using him as a „towel”.

„Right?” Raphael grinned, still clueless about Mikey’s avenged mischief.

Don chuckled, as he curiously watched them, when leaned to see Raphael’s canvas, then with a grin, having an idea, he smeared some paint on his hand and pressed it on Raph’s canvas, next to Mikey’s faceprint.

„Raphael, cut it out, that was very harsh from you! Apologize!” Leonardo scolded, but then he got silent, curiously viewing the building up painting, as Don contributed to it too.

„What?! I am doing real art here!” Raphael talked back annoyed, as Mikey stuck his tongue at him, then fled behind Don, viewing from there what was Don up to, as the other two started bickering as usual, until they stopped and also focused on Don.

„Hey, that’s cool, Donnie!” Michelangelo praised the taller brother, managing to  smear some paint on his arm too as he was grabbing onto him.

„Heh, nice.” Raphael grinned, examining the canvas.

Leonardo glanced at his brothers. Looking at  them so dearly, with a calm smile, he smeared some light blue ink on his hand too, then pressed his hand on the canvas on the other side of Mikey’s faceprint. Then glanced at him surprised, then they chuckled, while he smiled back at them.

„Hey, me too!” Mikey smacked his hand in the orange paint on Don’s palette, making it spill on the other’s plastron, then snuck out from behind Don, pressing his hand on the canvas over his own faceprint.

Eventually Raphael did the honors and smeared some red on his hand and then roughly pressed it on the canvas, under Mikey’s faceprint, then getting a bit emotional, he wrapped one arm around Leo, and the other around Don, squishing Mikey between him and Don, all being hugged and all four staring at the painting with a silly and content grin.

„Hm.” Suddenly Master Splinter’s voice came from behind, they got so surprised, then jumped aside with shocked noises.

„MASTER, WHAT THE SHELL!” Raphael shouted irritated, being scared so much so suddenly.

Master Splinter wasn’t paying attention to his fussing sons, he rather stepped forward, letting his beard go and just staring at the drawing with a content smile. He then glanced around, seeing Leonardo was still grabbing his palette, so he waved him over, then carefully reaching in the colors, he smeared painting on both of his hands after he ensure to have a little rug in hand, then he reached out carefully, pressing his both hands on top of the little circle of turtle hands and at the center the faceprint, then pulling his hands down on the canvas, he formed  colorful half circles on both sides, closing in the turtle pile prints with a  colorful, fatherly warm embrace and protection. When the perfect contribution was done, he took his hands away, then grabbed the rug, cleaning his hands, while he stared at the canvas further, his eyes filling with tears of getting emotional.

„Woooooowwwwww, this is art, man!” Mikey broke the pleasant silence admiring their work with their family.

„You’re welcome.” Raphael said proudly with folded arms, as he started the whole deal.

Leonardo couldn’t help, but feel an uplifting emotion inside, seeing their father so moved. He felt like embracing the rat, but he rather stood in modest silence and respect, not disturbing the old rat’s moment.

„This is mine now!” Splinter said, claiming the painting, grabbing the canvas and rushing to store it.

„Hey, you need to pay for that! That’s my canvas!” Raphael shouted after him playfully.

„You are allowed to drink tonight.” Splinter said, as he leaned out of his room, accepting the negotiation, as he pointed at Raphael firmly,  not giving up that canvas at any costs.

„Deal.” Raphael grinned pleased.

„Hey, but sensei, I started the team experience, what about me!” Don complained.

„No, I came up with the idea, you were just inspired by ME!” Raphael argued.

„But it’s my face!” Mikey argued also.

„But it was all MY idea, it’s copyrighted!” Raphael shouted at them.

„Well....it didn’t show anywhere that your name’s on the canvas,  you kind of forgot to sign it, so....” Leonardo teased.

All three were starting a wrestle in annoyance, they stopped, looking at Leo, then their eyes widened, then started pushing each other, trying to go after Splinter, all wanting to sign it fast, but they were thrown out one by one, then Splinter head popped out through the door again.

„Mine, no bargains!”

„But tell them it’s my original idea!” Raphael complained, as he slumped on the ground.

„But it’s my face!” Mikey whined.

„But father, let me explain. It is indeed Raphael’s canvas and we all shared it with our own specific handprints and uhm...Mikey’s face, however, I’d like to point out, that I started the whole idea of starting to develop the painting together!” Donatello tried a more factual approach.

Leonardo couldn’t help, but laugh, as he started to clean up the mess they caused and pick up the thrown palettes.

„My sons, this painting resembles something deeper, than any of your problems. Hold onto each other as the concept of family and that we are together as fate given. You are all on this painting equally, as how you’re equally my sons.”

Donatello  and Raphael glared at each other, then listened to Splinter’s touching speech sulking, while Mikey grinned and hugged Don, when Master Splinter mentioned holding onto each other.

„Not literally, Mikey...” Donatello grumbled, as he wasn’t appreciated getting more paint smeared on him from Mikey.

Raphael grunted impatiently, jumped up, then walked back to Leo in the dojo, who silently was cleaning up.

„Hey..” Raphael grumbled on a sweet, deep tone, as he approached the other with a suggestive grin.”Wanna hang out tonight? We might get some drinks too and stuff....” he leaned closer.

Leonardo froze in place, feeling his body immediately heating up, lips burning of want to press to Raph’s, but eventually leaned away, glancing at the door worried. He sighed in relief, that Mikey was still arguing with Splinter and Donatello.

„Y-yeah, sure...” then Leo mumbled flustered, then revised cleaning.

Raphael smirked on a suggestive way, then started picking up the stuffs too, Don and Mikey eventually walked in and helped them. It felt like eternity until finally Mikey started getting sleepy, so Leo took the opportunity to tuck him in, then his next target was Don.

„Don, it’s getting late.” He said demanding.

Don sighed, then put his tools and goggle down.

„Yeah, sure.” He grumbled on a moody tone, frowned at Leo for a moment, Leo blinked back at him puzzled. He forcefully wanted to assume Donatello didn’t give him a confusing and strange look and just assumed Don was still just angry about the drawing and that he didn’t have the chance to be right in the matter. However, no matter how much he tried to fool himself, he still couldn’t convince himself enough, that Donatello frowned at him on an unfamiliar way. He wanted to ask what was it about, but Don closed his room’s door. Leonardo stared at the closed door wondering, he raised his hand to open it, but then lowered his hand hesitantly. He then turned away and went to take a shower –being the last one, as he did not take part in brothers arguing who should shower first, Don winning eventually- from being covered in some paint here and there from all the splashing and smearing, then went to find Raphael in the kitchen, who already consumed three bottles and was finishing up the fourth one.

„So, do you want to go..?” Leo asked silently, as Raphael nodded, grabbed two bottles, petted his rug hanging from his waist, then rushed out of the kitchen to the lair’s exit.

 

               They sat silently for a moment on the rooftop, Leonardo still wondering about Donatello, but then he was distracted, as Raphael turned his head to face him and kissed him, then in no time deepening the kiss. Leonardo obliged, pressing closer.

„You taste..beer-ish....” Leo grumbled playfully as he broke the kiss for a moment.

„Oh yeah? Wanna taste bee-rish?” Raph raised a bottle, grinning suggestively.

„No, thank you. You’re just enough.” Leo said absent-mindedly, as he brushed a hand over Raphael’s plastron.

„Then how ’bout...” Raphael opened the bottle, sipped some, then grabbed Leo by the chin, pressing his lips to Leo’s, then sneaking through some of the booze.

               Leo gave out a surprised muffled noise, then leaned away, wiping his mouth sulking, as felt heat rising to his cheeks burning.

„Pervert....” he grumbled on an irritated tone.

 Raphael laughed on a teasing tone, then bumped his nose to Leo’s cheek apologetically. Leo eventually gave in and leaned back.

„Hey uh....not want to ruin the mood, but ...” Leo paused hesitantly, not sure if he should bring it up, but trusting Raphael enough at this point, he decided to speak up. „...tonight before we came out and I escorted our brothers to their rooms, I noticed Donatello being upset about something...”

Raphael frowned wondering.  
„Maybe it’s just me being too paranoid...” Leonardo said with a nervous, shaky chuckle.

„Nah, ’s legit. But can we rather talk ’bout it tomorrow?”

Leonardo nodded slowly, understanding that Raphael knew something and Leo needed to prepare himself emotionally for the worst.

               Eventually they got some silent, pleasant time, talking about funny memories again, laughing, discussing some more serious subjects, as crimes and dangerous moments or techniques or serious plans for the future, then eventually Leonardo needed a long time until he managed to pry Raphael off of him and managed to make him follow him home. As they silently jumped in the sewers, as Raphael jumped down, without hesitation he grabbed Leo’s hand and pulled him lightly to make Leo stop from walking. Leo glanced at Raphael curiously with a half smile, as the other direkted him back to the metallic ladders, until Leo’s shell pressed to them.

„What?” Leo asked on a smooth, silent tone.

Raphael didn’t say anything, just threw the empty bottles down, before Leo could scold him, he started kissing him, while brushed his hands over Leo’s arms, sides exploringly. Leo hummed in the kiss, as he wrapped his arms around Raphael too. There was a moment of struggle once more in Leonardo, as he felt to break away, but instead of breaking the kiss, he just continued. It caught Raph off guard, even he was prepared the fun will be ceased soon, as Leo always did, but this time it did not. Actually, not only Leonardo managed to keep the intimate moment lasting, but eventually the making out lasted longer and longer, and it felt like they can’t stop, however, meanwhile heat and pressuring excitement built up with need, making them end up gasping for air and kissing roughly, almost hungrily, movement turning rough and out of control. Raphael pressed Leo more against the ladder, as they pressed even closer, until they needed to pause for a moment once more, feeling their bodies pulsating from heat. Leonardo just silently lowered his head, placing it to the curve of Raph’s neck, as he embraced him rightly, meanwhile Raphael did the same, just standing there in silence. At this point theey both knew they both wanted it to happen. Haven’t passed much til their first shared time, but the feeling of want was there. They were just having a soft, silent comforting moment, a long lasting emotional moment, until they slowly moved, resuming the kissing, which turned wild and rushed and needy fairly fast, scratching, biting, grabbing, gasping for air.

„Mh...Raph....” Leo murmured out breathless between pants, then he bit how lower lip, as he was grabbed by the stronger turtle and lifted up. He pressed his legs around Raphael as much as he could for support and wrapped his arms around Raphael’s neck, their gaze met for a moment, then Leo leaned back in, kissing Raphael roughly.

It was just pouring all, all his emotions turning so instinctive and wild, it was unstoppable. It wasn’t enough, not even the pleasure each physical touch granted. None was enough to express what he felt. He pressed his body more against Leo’s for supporting. All his uncontrollable emotions burning like fire in the form of want being so well received by Leo like no other time. And this time, finally, it wasn’t stopped, no, it was greedily consumed with needy kisses and Raphael was more than glad to give it all.

He pressed his cheek to Leo’s, as they both panted on a fast pace for air, sharing another deep embrace, until Raphael closed his eyes, gave out a small surprised, but grinned pleased, as felt Leo biting down on his neck. He would want to encourage the other to make a bruise, it didn’t matter, but he was rather busy reaching down and grab the lube, which he brought under his rug, with such little hope it’ll need to be used, but eventually he blessed his horny mind for preparing so well.

„W-wow...how did you get that here...?” Leo grumbled, as he looked down, while he was put down on his feet just for a moment until Raphael roughly pulled everything out of the way, setting their erections lose with no shame, then taped Leo back in the precious pissed up position.

„Assumed to have one with me anytime...ya know, jus’s in case.....if we...if... we feel like fuckin’ on any possible surface.” He grumbled with a grin, then lovingly pecked Leo’s lips multiple times, as he reached down with one lubed hand  to stroke himself on an awkward position.

„Gee, Raph, you Are a pervert.” Leo sighed, yet still didn’t say to stop.

They once more crashed their lips together, Raphael without hesitation grinding against Leo, Leo shifted, but couldn’t really move away even if he wanted to. He was pinned there, trapped there , until his mind drowned in desire, until wanting no more, than just Raphael being close. His body tensed up, reached one hand behind him, grabbing in one of the metallic bars of the ladder, biting his lower lip, groaning muffled, as felt Raphael making him remember that familiar feeling of being filled. This time even the pain felt like pleasure, it still felt numb and Raphael too big, but it wasn’t a shock or surprise now, the feeling was familiar. Raphael hold onto Leo’s thighs tightly, as he leaned in for a breathless kiss, as he kept the other on in place in order to begin the sweet building of stimulation.

This time it felt a bit different, than last time. There was a familiar moment of going smooth and slow, just feeling around, just enjoying the moment, just preparing for it. Then the kisses became rough and heated again, Raphael’s hands shifted to grab a hold onto the ladder bar at Leo’s sides, meanwhile Leonardo was bucking in closer, lost in pleasure, as he also rather grabbed the bar over his head, barely being able to hold back his moaned, which transitioned in husky, sharp panting, as Raphael’s deeper, raspy voice followed up with his.

               Raphael clenched his teeth in a wild, desperate snarl, as he helplessly let his want go again, mercilessly rutting into Leonardo, making the other’s shell knock into the ladder bars every time, the position still preventing Leo to shift even so slightly, he was rather left out of breath, body shaking, giving out uncontrollable shaky moans, trying to call out Raph’s name, but in vain. He felt like the whole world was shaking with him in an up and down motion, his mind feeling foggy and vision blurry, constant, rushed, intense pleasure pumped into his body each time, deeply, sinking deeper in this position, like never before until it building up into a big out-bursting orgasm, being tensed up so much, as clenched his teeth together roughly, fortunately making his long and rough moan more muffled.

„Yeeeahhh, give it to me!” Raphael grinned pleased, admiring Leo’s moment, as he helped him last his climax pleasant, by stroking his struggling erection to ejaculate.

It didn’t take much for Raphael to reach his climax too, as Leonard not just only tensed up in full body trembling, but also tightened around him fir a longer moment, than anticipated. Eventually, Raphael slumped more on Leo, while Leonardo let go of the bar and rather placed his hands on Raphael, gaining complete support from the larger turtle. For a long moment of calming down and Raphael’s legs becoming shaky, as he was pleasantly sleepy, Leo squirmed.

„Alright, you can uhm....you can let me down now...”

„’s cool, I can carry ya.”

„No need, I can walk.”

„Fine....” even if Raph agreed, it took him a long time until he finally let Leo go, who felt more wobbly, than he expected.

„Come on.” Leo grumbled on a tired tone, when he finally regained his balance, arranged himself enough for a leisure walking.

Raphael groaned lazily, as he arranged himself also, tucked the three bottles in his belt, then followed Leo.

„So....ya good?” Raphael asked, as he scratched the back of his head wondering.

„Mhm.” Leo murmured, as they approached the lair.

„Felt good huh...pretty wild...”

„HmmHm..yeah...”

They stood silent, until they snuck in, Raphael threw the beer bottles, but kept the lube one. He glanced at his room’s door, then sighed, as he remained persistent by following Leo to his room.

„You need to...” Leo murmured on a whispery tone, pointing at Raph’s door.

„Yeah, jus’ thought woulda get a goodnight’s kiss or somethin’...”

Leo sighed with a faint smile, then moved from the door to peck Raph’s lips.

„Goodnight.”

„G’night.” Raphael grumbled back on a slightly nervous tone.

Leo was about to turn away and go to his room, but Raphael grabbed the door and leaned in.

„So....I uh.....I love ya.” Raphael whispered, pronouncing those words on a slight trembling tone, trying to avoid getting too emotional, but failed.

Leo’s emotionless expression shifted to a surprised one, eyes widening slowly, as he was processing what was said and how seriously it was meant. He completely froze like that, forgot to breathe for a moment, as Raphael said a rushed „ok, bye”, pecked his lips, then rushed off to his room, Leo was still standing there, even after Raphael’s door’s room closed. He eventually regained his composure enough to close his door, then as how he was, slowly lie down on his bed, still frozen up mentally, still figuring and trying to understand and letting sink in how genuinely Raphael confessed to him for who knows how many times.

But this time it sounded way deeper.


	22. Chapter 20

Three days have passed. Everything seemed to be just fine. At least so it was on the surface. Leonardo did find his inner peace more and more. He didn’t even realize three days have already passed since Raphael confessed to him once more. Maybe it was silly, but it was an exciting concept for Leonardo that he actually is even more mature now, as he lost a naivety part of him. It did bring other changes, such as he felt a bit more comfortable in his body, being more satisfied with his looks. He never understood how Mikey can love himself so much or how Donatello and Raphael are fairly content with how they look and how they are. It was just fine like that, but for Leonardo sometimes still caused issues, sometimes finding himself too big and disgusting and just a stupid mutant, who pathetically is seeking to be perfect in so many ways, and constantly felt like they’re always dirty and no matter if they cleaned themselves 24 hours a day, they’d be the same. Of course it wasn’t always like that, but it crossed his mind. Now it was different. He felt better. Except that he wanted to embrace Raphael more often. However, even if he missed the closeness, he still kept the strict trainings, patrols and tuck ins at nights. Raphael seemed to calm down a bit more too. He was joking around more and he got along with Mikey and Don just like before. Their father, as always, seemed calm and observed silently, or was immersed in his TV series or was called to April or April visited them one of the current days. Even she pointed out with a bright smile, that Leonardo seems to be brighter, that he’s changing.

               Although Raphael and Leonardo lived a time of their lives, they weren’t the only ones observed. Meanwhile Leonardo missed some details, and was let to do so, since Raphael strongly thought Leonardo deserves to feel a little bit more carefree in his life at least once, it won’t last forever anyways, so why not let the leader have a little great time too. Meanwhile Raphael kept an eye on Mikey and Donatello. Mikey was easy to be distracted. He knew Michelangelo wasn’t stupid, he really thought deeply about things or had a great eye for certain details, even if he was a goofball all in all. However, Mikey was ok, he didn’t seem to suspect much anyways. Donatello, on the other hand, was a tough problem. Raphael knew Donatello knew. Obviously. Why wouldn’t he. At this point he assumed their father sensed something too, just he didn’t say anything. Yet. However, days before, Donatello’s irritated behavior really caught Raphael’s attention. He sometimes saw, meanwhile he is joking around or playfully pushed Leo around, Don shook his head. He kept that in mind. They indeed haven’t had a good conversation for a good while now. So he decided it was the time for that. As he usually does, without any knocks or anything, just invaded Donatello’s haven of smarts, his lab. Raph just casually closed the door behind him, then leaned against the table, folding his arms, glancing around. Donatello glanced up, but he continued his work repairing a small device.

„Sup.” Raphael grumbled.

“Hey, Raph. What brings you here?”

Raphael shrugged.

“Just dropped by.”

“I assume I pissed you off earlier.”

“Naaaah. I’m not pissed at ya, brother. I think it’s the other way. For some reason? Isn’t it kinda ironic? Yer the chilliest, I’m the angriest.”

Donatello gave out a smile.

“Why would you assume I am angry?”

“Come on, Donnie, yer really not the type to confront anyone ‘bout their personal life choices like that.”  Raphael grabbed a tool, then handed it to Don, when he searched for it, rather aiding the genius.

Donatello grinned pleased. He really enjoyed when he just mentioned something and a brother caught up. Raphael crouched down and lazily placed his chin on Don’s desk close to the other.

“Ya know what’s with me and Leo, don’t ya? Ya always spoil surprises…”

“Well, I would prefer to play the oblivious, but you two don’t really give room for that. It’s…you know, pretty obvious?”

“Really?” Raphael raised a brow, as he stared wondering at what was Donatello doing.

“Well yeah. You’re really not subtle about checking Leo out…nor that he is giving you the looks.”

Raphael grinned absent-mindedly. Yes, he really enjoyed the secret, special attention.

“Well shit….got us uncovered, huh. “ Raphael grumbled, then after a moment of silence he raised his head and looked at Don. “Does it really look that bad? Disgusting? Are ya angry at us ‘cause any of that happened? Honest.”

Donatello stopped with a frown for a moment, then put the little device down, sighed, rubbing his eyes, as he pushed the goggle off of his eyes.

“My personal opinion in this matter doesn’t matter, really. What really matters is the entirety of the family. Honest.”

“So ya do find it disgustin’…Hm.”

“I did not say that, Raph.”

“But ya avoided mentionin’ it either.”

Donatello blinked. He sighed with a smile and shook his head, then playfully, lightly punched Raph’s shoulder.

“I’m fine with it, but I’m not sure about the others.”

“Hm….” Raphael frowned thoughtfully, Don sighed.

“So how long are you planning to keep this up…?” Don asked hesitantly.

“I ‘unno. I woulda like a long term….”Raphael said without any hesitation or uncertainty, it actually surprised Don how mature and responsible his brother sounded and especially how he really means what he says. Even though Raphael’s statement was firm and serious, Donatello still shook his head with a sigh.

“Problem?” Raph barked curiously.

“I guess I’m a bit jealous, that’s all…” Donatello admitted.

Raphael smirked.

 

Meanwhile Leonardo spent some time with Mikey, as they were now sharing mutual interest experimenting with food. Of course Leo kept their limits to “edible” and not passing those limits, since they really couldn’t afford spoiling food, as they all were large and ate a lot and he always worried they owe a lot for April “donating” enough money or food each time. Of course she had an amazing job and had a lot of money and she didn’t seem to value luxury over family at all. Leonardo was always shocked how little she eats and she is just fine. He always scolded her, as she was pretty enough already and she had a pretty form, a few more calories in plus wouldn’t do anything bad for her, but every time he brought up, she laughed it off and reassured him she was alright. On the other hand, Raphael and Mikey could eat an unbelievable amount of food. Of course sometimes they scavenged for some “leftovers” at restaurant dumpsters, and even then Leonardo was shocked how much food, fresh, good food is wasted almost daily at restaurants. Of course quality mattered way too much for humans to be spoiled with the freshest and best quality food everywhere. Maybe New York was lucky having them doing something with all those foods thrown out and instead of going to a waste, they gladly cleaned it up-Especially Mikey and Raphael-. But not just food, everything else in general. They could afford compiling nice sets of outfits or room decorations all for free, Mikey keeping figurines so dear to his heart, had full collections, even if some missed a limb or two.

“Yo, dude, is it ok if we listen to some tunes while we figure some amazing gastronomic wonders here?” Mikey asked, as he interrupted Leo’s sheer of thoughts.

“Hm? Oh, sure!” Leo smiled gladly. The other things they discussed with Mikey a lot was music. Mikey was like a songs dictionary for Leonardo. Not only Mikey helped him meet more and more types of music, but even if he heard some tunes somewhere, but had no idea about it and described to Mikey in any ambiguous ways, Mikey somehow always knew exactly which one he meant. It was just amazing how many songs and names and tunes the smaller one managed to memorize.

Eventually they managed to make a chili con carne and some spring dish with vegetables. It smelled nice, it looked great. For a moment Leo and Mikey admired their work, then Mikey jumped to go call the others. They had another memorable family time. There was just one passing time or Leo and Raphael brushing their arms together, as they contently took part in conversations, however Raphael’s gaze still met with Don’s, who frowned and looked away. He seemed irritated, but shifted back to calm fast. His smile wasn’t genuine. It was time to sit down and talk seriously. Raphael already knew what he wanted and how he felt. He glanced at Leonardo for a moment, he wondered if Leo felt the same.

 

Leonardo, for the afternoon retreated to his room meditating. Meanwhile Raphael went out with Casey. Donatello walked up and down in his room wondering. His patience was reaching its limits. Maybe it was a foolish decision, but he made the decision. Just the hesitation and being so fair caught him back. This whole thing started to become suffocating. He had high hopes after he had the little talk with Raphael. But nothing was happening, nothing was ever happening and he was growing tired. He clenched his teeth, grabbed his room’s door handle and left his room.

 

Later at night, before everyone needed to go to sleep, Master Splinter came out and demanded for Leonardo to go with him scavenging. It made Raphael frustrated, because after tucking in the brothers and making sure their father was also settling to rest slowly or watch his show first and then after going to rest, they supposed to go out and Raphael was especially eager, since he wanted to have a serious conversation with Leonardo about their relationship. No matter how much Raphael stayed up, Leonardo didn’t return in time and was too tired to sneak out with Raphael too. Some uneasiness came back to Leonardo, as he felt, that night and the next morning, Master Splinter was expecting something from him, yet he didn’t ask anything. Raphael was busy sulking and working out til exhaustion, his disappointment was legit, did not have the time to express it. Leo kept being more self-aware, and after Master Splinter went to April’s at noon, he decided to check Donatello too, as Mikey seemed suspicious in the matter too. Of course he wasn’t completely oblivious, no matter how hard he tried to deny everything, or that everything could go wrong. Of course sooner or later they would be noticed and then everything will go awful, so it was in Leonardo’s frightful thoughts.

               Unlike Raphael, Leonardo politely knocked and then approached Don in his lab, experimenting with some chemicals.

“Hey, Don.” Leonardo murmured on a calm tone.

“Oh, hey Leo.” There was nothing off with Don’s greeting, that was a good sign. For now.

“Nowadays you are more away and rather being around here.” Leo stated simply, looking around.

“Yeah, well I keep having ideas and gotta keep my mind busy, that’s all.” Don arranged his bandana.

“Mhm….” Leo grumbled wondering, then got up. “Well, just wanted to make sure everything’s alright. Is it, now?” he started so sense something, definitely tension. At this point he figured Don knew something, it was impossible not to, but the sudden shift at the rest of the family members made him uneasy.

Silence. Leo frowned. Waited minutes, Don didn’t say anything. Leo assumed the silence was for being so busy, but instead if was the pressuring silence of hesitation, but then Don bit his lip and finally spoke up, mustering up all his courage.

„I spoke to sensei about the...changes.” Donatello said calmly.

Leo froze in place. He twirled around in such a speed and pinned Donatello to the wall roughly, that the other needed a moment to follow up about the physical shifts and happenings.

„You did what?” Leonardo’s voice was smooth, deep and sharp, just like his swords, firm gaze mercilles, filled with fury.

Donatello, however stood that gaze, even if he felt his legs going weak from the intimidating and threatening tone of Leo’s voice and being pissed off in a way that it didn’t matter that it caused him pain.

„Well, be as angry as you want.” Donatello started, voice shaky a bit, but regained his composure and frowned back, his voice still calm.”However, please try to see this whole thing from the other side too. The other side of the family. Us. We’re still there. Of course you are having a great time in your little heaven with Raph, and that’s all fine, but you’re still living under the same roof as the rest of us. Meanwhile you live this new experience as something positive, you make it something uncomfortable for the others.” He frowned, as he tried to push Leo’s arms away, instead he leaned in and spoke up on a whispery tone, some anger rising in his calm tone.”You don’t know how tiring and awkward situations I needed to go through in order for you two to escape some suspicions. And you know what? It’s fine. I’m not complaining. I can cover for you as much as I can from all my efforts, but I question myself, is it worth it? It is and will be your responsibility to voice anything towards us about your relationship. But so far you did nothing, just feeding everyone with confusion and exclusion. This is still alright. Go keep your intimate moments wherever you want. I don’t care. I’d certainly come up with something with my best efforts to calm Mikey or sensei down to support you. But once again, I ask myself: Is this worth it? Would any effort for this be worth it? Doing all the changes, stirring up the family and move along. But. Unfortunately this is not as easy when some human teenagers fall in love, I don’t know...at school and start dating and then after a time, for some reason, break up. We already have issues, when there are misunderstandings or arguments in the family. And then I ask, how will this family survive as a whole, with harmony, if you two eventually get ...I don’t know...for some reason sick of the whole relationship and break up? You won’t only break two hearts. Have that ever crossed your mind? Maybe not. Perhaps I am the idiot asking for too much, expecting too much.My bad, really.”

               Leonardo’s eyes widened, going pale, as he lowered his threatening stance, then slowly backed away with the undescribable terror on his face.He’d never think about such issue. He was actually looking forward to plan through his relationship and combine it better with the dynamism of their situation and family. Raphael gave him hope and trust and comfort. He believed stronger each day, that they’ll overcome big hardships and they will pick their family up and will become even stronger. No matter how immersed he was in his feelings towards Raphael, the family was still a priority and Raphael thought the same. There were moments itt was about them, the two of them, however, there were times when it was about the family. He was aware sooner or later they needed to somehow tell their family, but both of them were hesitant, since they gone pretty far and they were afraid to have their little joy be treated as something bad.

               „You always say everything is fine. But is it now? You keep reassuring us about blind excuses, not telling us anything. Of course not everyone is catching up as fast as I did. And so I am glad I did, because I feel obliged to be that responsible one, who can prevent unnecessary tragedies, such as you two being scolded or Master Splinter worry to death or Mikey getting confused and sad. You say that Now everything is alright, you really truly believe it yourself, but what if things go wrong and you’ve never told anything about any process to us? We wouldn’t even be aware if a drama goes down! Do you understand now? Do you get why I started enlightening the rest of the family? I do it just because I want them to get familiar with the changes, which you carelessly forgot to introduce! What are you waiting for? Until someone finally discovers on an unpleasant way and get shocked and everyone gets stressed out? Like....really?! Can’t this be managed on a civilized, calm way?! But you know what? I completely understand you. Who would even consider anything else, when they are two feet drowned in love. If you’d finally reveal it to us on a ....way...any way, just say something, I’d even call it cute. Now it’s just.....a stress source! All those time I needed to be extra careful what Mikey catches up on, because guess what, he is not an idiot and his eyes catch details and process them fairly fast, just he doesn’t know what to do with that discovery, where to sort it, how to deal with. And sensei? Well if you think your tricks work on him, you’re very wrong! And...and the last time? It was sheer luck I opened the door and not someone else and covered for you again, because of course it wouldn’t be suspicious you’re a pile of naked loverbirds on your bed, right?”

„D-Donnie..I....”

„No, don’t say anything. You don’t need to say anything, don’t even apologize, you don’t need to say anything to me. You don’t owe me anything, just...you just finally speak up, okay?”  Donatello tiredly rubbed his eyes.”I know you’re strong, Leo, I know you can keep everything under control. But for how long? How long are we gonna just live in the void of cluelessness? Or just...playing your game of „let’s pretend”? Can’t you just finally somehow..anyhow just....enlighten the family, so that we can finally also have a ...a....normal reaction? I don’t think anyone will bite your heads off if you speak up.” He sighed agitated. „I don’t mean to offend you or anything, I’m just sick and tired of pretending, okay? It makes me very uncomfortable, that we can’t be honest with each other, or I need to be very careful what I say around you or Raphael, yet we all know we know what is happening, but in front of each other we pretend as if nothing is actually there. It’s very....energy consuming. I want to talk to you and Raphael honestly again, I want to see that Mikey and Splinter are feeling the same...” Donatello sighed, lowering his head, feeling exhausted and hopeless, just frowning in front if himself.

Leonardo just stood there in shock, also staring down before himself. Needed a long moment of silence to regain his composure, then with a frustrated sigh, he stepped to his brother and embraced him with genuine comforting.

„I know you don’t want to hear it. But I am sorry. Words are not enough to describe how badly I feel about this. I hoped so much that this won’t affect anyone, if we keep it silent. I.....a lot have happened. This wasn’t.....this wasn’t even a ...a plan? Just....I don’t even know how we reached to this point, but....I’m sorry,but it’s so difficult to turn back. You are right, I supposed to think about the future conscequinces too. Raphael won’t want to be with me forever and then....you’re right. I uhm....I know it doesn’t matter, but I really struggled a lot. I know this is not right and I am sorry I failed you being the role model I supposed to be. This is a very bad example to....follow...” Leo needed a moment to calm down and not starting to cry, Don sighed and finally hugged back. „I don’t deserve him, nor I deserve your patience and support.” He sighed again to calm down.”It was very....greedy of me to...let this all happen.” He let Don go and stepped away to be able to bow on a traditional Japanese style as far down as he could implying his modesty of expressing deep apology with that firm and symbolic gesture.”Thank you for being so honest with me, although it wasn’t mutual from my part, as I rather listened to my worries and kept it to myself. I will try my best to grow a better ...brother...and.....” he frowned, he needed to force himself to stop his emotions and the shameful moment to tear up and keep his composure, not wanting to mess it up.”...and uhm.....”

„Hey hey hey, nooo, Leo, don’t say such harsh words, come on!” Don tried on a softer tone, trying to lift his brother from that self-humiliating position.”I ...look, I want to understand you and your worries, but if you just shut up and hide in your shell, it won’t make it easy for anyone. It wasn’t my intention to offend you or make you stressed out even more.” He sighed.”You always used to carry too much weight on your shoulders....solving everyone’s problems and just keep things to yourself, closing up and pretend everything’s just fine. Maybe sometimes it’s just convenient and we go through things suspiciously smoothly, while you work your mind off, but this time it won’t work like that. And uhm....well, I guess we’ve been expecting something...a sign for quite a long time now. What...even months went by? I don’t even know how you managed to keep Raphael so silent.”

Leonardo finally rose up slowly, but still avoiding eye contact.

„We’re slowly passing to the border of half a year...” he murmured silently on a plain, emotionless tone.

„Well wow.....shell, that’s an amazing amount of time passed by right there, ....IN SILENECE?!”

Leonardo frowned, nodding silently.

„It took me that much of a time to accept...” Leonardo’s voice sank silenter.

„Oh....” Donatello blinked, wondering for a moment. „So...Raph gave you a hard time?” he asked cautiously, akwardly shifting in one place, not sure how to handle personal questions, since he always ended up being too blunt with them.

„No. I gave him a hard time. Hurt him countless of times, as I did to everyone else.” Leonardo continued on a silent, plain tone.

„Well....told ya what’s the remedy for this, right?” Don tried an uncertain smile, Leo still kept avoiding his gaze.

„Since when.” He grumbled silently.

„Hm?” Don blinked.

„Since when do you...know about this?”

„Mmmmhhh....well let’s see. I don’t know, but for quite a long time now. I guess I started wondering when Raph came to me asking about our possibilities for a lovelife?” Don shook his head with an amused smile.”Or when Mikey kept joking around calling you an „old grumpy couple.”

Leo sighed, brushed a hand through his face, suddenly he felt so tired. Don fell silent, not sure what to say, or that he supposed to regret his decisions and rather just awkwardly squirmed in one place.

„I’m uh.....I’m once again sorry....” Leo said on a silent, defeated tone.

„Well I am sorry annoying you and spilling out everything like that....I just kept it in for so long...”

Another moment of tense silence.

„Uhm....hug?” Don tried on a shaky uncertain tone, slightly spreading his arms.

Leo sighed defeated, at this point he felt so numb from an emotional breakdown, nothing really mattered. He screwed up, but he needed to fix it. He just slumped in Don’s comforting embrace, still trying to regain his composure.

„I need to go to....well talk to...talk to Raph...” Leo finally broke the hug, to go.

„Yeah...sure. Waiting, then!”

Leo just nodded, as he was walking out of the lab.

„Oh, and Leo!”

Leo turned his head back for a moment, finally looking at Donatello.

„Well if you uhm...if you...uh...you know...need to talk to someone about, well stuffs, I am here!” Don suggested, as he showed a thumb up, with a kind of comical, blunt, yet akward expression.

Leo blinked, frowning lightly, nodding slowly, then left, still wondering why his mind couldn’t get the swift thought out of his mind about a closet pervert Donatello.

Leonardo knew where to find Raphael. It felt like he needed some time to calm down, before he finally makes decisions, but he also felt he will go crazy from stress, if he needs to spend some alone time in his room, so he went straight to Raph’s room, who was still working out on his training bench.

„Woah woah! What’s it, fearless?” Raph said out in surprise, when Leo climbed and slumped on him. He needed a moment to fumble with the weights and put them down and rather lazily wraps a sweaty arm around Leonardo.

„I just need you to hold me a bit longer...” Leo murmured on a hollow voice, as he closed his eyes. Maybe today will be the last they he could enjoy Raphael’s presence in such way, and never again can h ever touch or look at Raphael, which feels more intimate and definitely being more, than brothers.

„Can do. Wanted to talk to ya and hold ya way longer from yesterday night...” Raphael said on an annoyed, complaining tone.

„We need to talk to the family about...us.” Leo said almost on a whispery tone.

„What?! Why now? What happened?!”

„Had a talk with Don...”

„Oh, Don....” Raphael snarled uneasy.

„So....guess we need to...” Leo sighed, rested his chin on Raph’s plastron, then slid up more to be able to peck his lips, slowly, savouring it, still scolding himself he is way selfish already.

„Actually, whatever. I don’t care what they say. We gonna stay together and that’s final!”

„Depends what Master Splinter says and how our brothers react, especially Mikey...’

„No! No...fuck no! Noone will take ya away from me, ya got that?!” Raphael sat up more, getting infuriated by the second. „ It is NOT fuckin’ possible!”

Leo sighed, finally got off of Raphael.

„Raph, you are making this very difficult...”

„I am not! Noone will make us break up. That’s final!”

„Raph, listen! We can’t, okay?! We had an agreement! Family is primary. I said, we need to tell them and based on their reaction and father’s orders, we need to modestly ...and I said MODEST, NO FIGHTING! ....we will accept it!”

„I will NOT!” Raphael jumped up from his bench infuriated.

„Raph, please....”Leo sighed, massaging his tempes tired.

„Leo, I love you....it’s jus’ how it is, and that’s it.” Raph’s voice sounded a bit softer, as he grabbed Leo by the arms and pulled his closer.

„I just....I don’t understand it anymore....what did I do that this ever happened...that you feel like this about me...” Leo needed to swallow hard, before struggling through an emotional issue again, holding back some –at least for him- embarrassing fit of crying in frustration and confusion and helplessness.

„Why can’t ya just understand, that not everythin’ needs to happen for a very logical reason. Some jus’ happen naturally. Why’s that so hard to accept?”

Leo sighed, feeling nauseous and dizzy for a moment from holding back tears of frustration, rather just slumping on the mattress and burying his face in his hands, feeling his bandana becoming wet from the uncontrollable tears.

„It’s just....I’m scared.....to....to stand out there and....speak....and say what...? I don’t...know anymore....I supposed to be a good example....and I’m...”

Raphael frowned, his tense muscles from anger loosening up, as he rather moved and sat beside Leo, wrapping an arm around Leo.

„Well, we’re in this together. I can take care o’ this. This doesn’t have to do anythin’ with your image, shell, you’d look even more badass. Tamed the wildest and kept it under control?”

„I don’t...I never wanted to see their reaction....it was...better like this....I don’t want this to end...I really don’t want to...This is not badass, Raph, this is lying...”

Raph just sighed, resting his chin on Leo’s shaking shoulder.

„It was a secret, okay? And now it’s not a secret anymore. It’s that simple. We can still keep it the same way as we did before. Hell, maybe can become even better, since brothers will know and when we wanna be together at nights, noone has to freak out, ’cause they’ll know the answer to the „why”.”

Leo sighed, drying his eyes, pushing his bandana up on his forehead, while cursing silently, meanwhile Raph pressed a reassuring his on his cheek.

„I don’t really know anymore. Making such a big fuss and then...Don’s question really got me...I mean...you know...you say you love me now, but will you say that later too? It won’t last forever, and then what? Regretting all this when it’s way too late and we are doing more damage to the family...?”

Raph sighed annoyed.

„For fuck’s sake, Leo! Of course we don’ know what happens in the future. We’re ninjas! We can die in a battle, ya know! Don’t ya think I’m a stupid idiot, who’s not countin’ for future possibilities, that one day ya tell me to fuck off or one of us just goes to turtle paradise?!”

„Oh....” Leo grumbled, as he frowned, now really understanding the dangers of the future.

„What will happen, will happen. I’m not gonna regret this a tad fuckin’ bit, don’t piss me off!”

„You already are pissed off...”

„Of course I am!” Raph shouted annoyed.”Anyways. If we could figure shit out so far, we will in the future too. ’cause guess fuckin’ what, I’m not plannin’ on leavin’ your ass behind too soon, ya gotta deal with that! Ya know what?! I’m gonna make that a promise and I’m pretty consistent with keeping the promises I make!”

„Alright, alright...” Leo groaned defeated, then hesitantly, he slipped his hand in Raph’s. „I guess we....It is obligatory and urgent we go through this now. And even if I am still unsure, I am also willing to stand beside you. What happens, happens...I will still try to fix my reputation...and be the leader I am expected to be.”

Raphael nodded.

„Let’s do this!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I thought a lot and kept writing up scenes, that I had in my mind for a long time. But I was still wondering where and how, so just a few days before, I had the idea what to do. I can announce we are reaching to the last chapters now! owo Another dramatical cliffhanger, oooh! Dx x3


	23. Chapter 21 - End!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so as mentioned the previous chapter before, I decided, that I will end this series here, so this is the final chapter! Thank you for joining me in this journey ;w(\ I hope you enjoyed it! I really had fun writing!!! I also really enkoyed reading and answering to your reactions!

The significant late afternoon have arrived. Raphael was restless, since Leonardo kept being so hesitant. He needed some time to calm his mind, then he just kept finding excuses why he was not ready to face his brothers.

"Leo, come on, it's now or never!" Raphael kept nagging Leonardo persistently.

Leonardo knew and was aware they really should go and talk about their relationship to the family, but he was hesitant, because he was afraid to openly face them and talk to them about something very private for him. He also had a great time struggling with his inner emotions and fears. This fear not only emotionally stressed him out, but also made him feel way too out of control, way too vulnerable, someone, that is not able to control the seemingly fragile situation. It meant him a lot that Raphael was beside him and was invested in this as much as he was. However, even Raphael’s confidence and boldness did not help his anxiety. It was already a lot to cope with, that he needed to be confronted by Donatello. Michelangelo was even worse. And their father? The worst. Raphael tried to comfort him and reassure him, but his patience and actual excitement wasn’t lasting for too long and he rather got assertively nagging with Leonardo.

Finally, after way too long of a moment, he finally passed the door of Raphael’s room. He was out, his heart was pounding, he didn’t even register that Raphael grinned at him and grabbed his hand pulling him. Leonardo’s eyes widened, glared at their hands, then by reflex, looked around and yanked his hand out if Raphael’s grip. A disappointed snarl shifted through Raphael’s face, but he brushed off with a shrug and announced that he is going to collect the brothers and Leonardo should sit down and recollect himself. Leonardo obliged, he rushed and sat down on the couch, he sighed, lay his head on the backrest of the couch, as he sank lower in his seat. He closed his eyes with a troubled frown. This was just worst by any minute. He could already imagine the utter disgust n Michelangelo’s face, that he will never ever want to ever see nor his or Raphael’s face ever. After this, their life in the family will change. After the words, that need to be spoken in a few minutes…just how will he face any of them after this?!

Leo opened his eyes. He could hear clearly the approaching steps and Mikey’s loud mouth or Raphael’s rough footsteps – shell knows how could Raphael still go stealthy with such a muscle and body mass-.

Leo sat up, straightened, tense. He didn’t look back, got up and rather went ahead and sat on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“Will you tell now?” Mikey nagged Raphael curiously for the fifteenth time.

“Mikey, shut up already!” Raph finally lost his patience and that’s what made Mikey grin with amusement.

Don sat on the couch, smiling at Leo, who tried to ignore him, while Mikey jumped around the couch and sat beside done, curiously examining Raph and Leo and the place and everything with an expectant wide grin.  Raph froze for a moment, placed his hands on his hips.

“Really….” He grumbled on a complaining tone, referring to Leonardo perfectly sitting on the coffee table just fine, but how was Raphael supposed to sit beside him, he will most likely break the table before even settling on in entirely.

Leo glanced up at him, needing a moment to understand, then with a sigh got up, pushed it aside and sat on the ground, his legs under him, sitting like that, hands placed on his tensed up thighs in clenched fists. Raphael slumped down beside him with a pleased grunt, sitting close, brushing arm to Leo’s, leaned in at him with a playful grin, clearly trying to comfort the other, meanwhile he genuinely was excited. Donatello’s smile was still there, Mikey just observed, while kept asking what is happening.

“So? Sup? Come on, what are we gonna do! We are gathered together, this means something aaaawesome! Wait, don’t tell me, I know, you prepared something cool for me! “Mikey rambled.

“No, Mikey. We are actually here for a serious talk…”Leo managed to finally speak up.

“Oh….oh no…serious talks are not good…please tell me no one died..”Mikey’s smile and curiosity abruptly shifted to frightened, this just made Leo tensed up and worried even more.

“N-No, it is not about announcing anyone’s death….”then he added in his thoughts with a bitter sarcasm “except mine”…

“Then what’s so serious? “Mikey frowned puzzled, Donatello couldn’t hold back a small chuckle.

Raphael looked at Leo, seeming to impatiently suggesting to spill it out already before he loses his patience and just bluntly say the news, just he let Leonardo speak, because knew the other will most likely have a very subtle, perfectionist speech, trying to tell them on a way that sounds “prettier”.

“Well….”Leo tried hesitantly, trying to recollect himself and what he should say, the anticipation just stressed him out more. He swallowed hard, then tried again, stumbling on his words slightly. “First of all, I would like to somehow express how awful I feel and that I deeply am sorry for all I did. I would like to apologize, that I haven’t been as honest as I should have been, it was a very awful and….selfish….move from me to uhm…”he glanced at Raphael for a moment, who sighed and rolled his eyes, he really found the apology unnecessary, he still didn’t see anything wrong in what they did.”…w-well there has been something important we supposed to be talking about, as in…between brothers and between family….I am terribly sorry for lying and keeping secrets. I just….”he frowned, glancing at the ground, swallowing nervously again. It would be even more embarrassing if he started crying now. As how they learned from Japanese culture, this moment felt like “losing face”, terrible, terrible feeling. “…I uh….I will understand if you …uhm…well see me as a bad example to follow and not be such a flawless leader as I should be. But, I will uhm…I will correct my mistakes. As for Raphael, please don’t hate him for anything. He’s uh…”

“He’s fine and he will be fine either way, now can you move on to the important matters here?” Raphael said impatiently, frowning at Leo expectantly.

“I have no idea why he is upset, and that makes me scared, dude…”Mikey whispered to Don, Don just chuckled and patted Mikey’s shoulder.

“Fine, fine …. I just wanted Mikey hear this too. As how he supposed to hear many things, just…was ….”Leo shook his head. Raphael was right, he couldn’t escape forever. It was in vain beating around the bush, it was in vain desperately, even in The Moment, trying to escape the words, the reveal and just trying to somehow avoid the responsibility. He inhaled, then exhaled to calm himself more. “Alright. Donnie, Mikey? Me and Raphael have an announcement to make.” He paused for a moment, that statement sounded so confident and firm, he wished he wouldn’t panic out right after. “I mean…uh….for a long time now,…..so the thing is, that a good while ago I wanted to fix the errors between me and Raphael, because I was aware we cause a lot of discomfort for the family us arguing. Well it won’t stop forever, because we still have out differences, but I am positive we brought and will keep trying to bring harmony in the family, however…”

“Yeah, actually there was peace and quiet for a good while! “Mikey added his awareness something have changed on a positive way during the past months.

“I am glad it was noticeable.”

“Yeah, and you are way cooler, like….we totally cooked together and stuffs! “Mikey grinned, managing to lure a weak faint smile on Leo’s face for a moment.

“Yeah, yeah aaaaanyways!”Raphael grunted impatiently, nudging Leo’s arm with his to hurry up.

“Y-yes, so anyways…”Leo cleared his throat, Donatello’s silence and sassy grin wasn’t promising, he still tried to ignore him, he didn’t like how him and Raphael glanced at each other, one with that unnerving calm grin, the other with an impatient and excited grin. “So we wanted to uhm..let you know, that I did managed to discuss…uhm…stuffs with Raph, just,…..well you see….there were some unexpected happenings and…so…uh…and then…” Leo nervously pulled forward one end f his bandana nervously fumbling with it with an awkward frown and a kind of visible blush.

“Oh for shell’s sake, Leo!”Raph groaned. “Listen…”Raphael started with an annoyed, serious and firm tone. “Shit happened, it happened, it is damn good, can’t help it, we are here now, we supposed t’tell ya, we did not ‘cause wasn’t ready for negative reactions. Either way, here we are, good news, bad news, ya’ll figure it out for yourself, but me and Leo are dating. Yeah, we have that kind of relationship. End of story. Sheesh.”

“Ngh, finally.” Donatello collapsed on the couch in relief.

Mikey’s eyes widened and jaw dropped, freezing like that for a moment.

Leo refused to look up, he barely could contain his moment of panic, then a small breakdown, Raphael’s blunt words still ringing in his ears. Donatello’s reaction was completely fine, but hearing Mikey’s silence was worrying, Leonardo refused to glance up and face his smaller brother’s reaction. 

Donatello was chuckling to himself like a little nerd maniac for a moment, genuinely happy the burden was released from him, no more stress. At least not around Mikey. He lifted his head to glance at his little brother curiously, Raphael just glared at Mikey.

Until …

Michelangelo jumped up off the couch and practically shouting at the pair, while pointing a finger at them.

“I KNEW IT!!!! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS FISHY AND IT WASN’T MY ARMPIT!”

Leonardo flinched, then blinked and finally glanced up at Mikey with a confused frown, letting the end of his bandana go, Raphael was just as confused.

“You thought you could fool me so easily? HAH! You’re wrong! You always keep treating me like a baby brother, but you keep forgetting I am pretty close in age with all of you guys, and I’m not stupid! Ok…maybe a little…but I have smarts too! And no one is cooler, than Mikey, the detective.” Mikey grinned, as he proudly pointed at himself. “First I needed a good façade, I was so good at it no one noticed! Because I am the coolest and awesomest and smartest brother….well after Don and Leo…” when noticed Raphael’s “I’m gonna kill ya face”he added: “…and Raph? And so began the investigation!”

Leo’s eyes widened, gone pale for a moment, wondering how much actually Mikey knew, even Don was looking at Mikey impressed.

“I knew Raph was a legit playboy, and he became waaaaaaayyyy too calm. And way too clean at some moment, so myeah!”

“That’s it!”Raphael got up to actually go and strangle Mikey, but Leo tugged at his rugs and belt.

“No, sit down, I want to hear this…” Leo demanded silently, Raph sighed and obliged, pressing back close to him, resting his chin on Leo’s shoulder sulking, seeking for comfort, while he other tried to lean away, suggesting he did not want to get physical in “public”.

“Then Leo had a smile. And then he asked or said like “Raph this and Raph that”….someone who has a crush or thinks about someone so damn much will “this and that”about someone! I’ve seen enough movies and read enough comics to know! “Mikey grinned proudly.

Leo blinked shocked, then looked away.

“Oooh?~” Raphael actually lifted his head to look at Leo with a grin curiously, the other turned his head away with embarrassed.

Don’s eyes widened in surprise, as he listened to Mikey.

“AND come ooon, dudes, I knew you all since I came out of my shell like…this incredibly irresistible awesome and hot mutant turtle, we grew up together, I know how you work!  Once you hate each other to the core and fight about who should be the leader, when everyone knows only Leo is capable of that, cause he’s badass, and you send each other to the deepest depths of Hell and then suddenly you like each other and everything’s fine? A horny Raphael cute and calm and a depressed Leo nice and sweet? Going out at night on dates? Ya thought being so persistently tucked in bed will make me sleep right away and becoming deaf?  PFEHHH! Way too transparent, my dudes. Way too transparent!” Mikey grinned and did a manic laughter, like villains do in superhero movies, basking in the glory he managed to fool all brothers.

“Wow…”Don mumbled in awe.

“Mikey’s brain seems like grew an inch more…”Raphael grumbled with a sarcastic smirk.

“I’m sorry, Mikey…” Leo whispered on a helpless, defeated tone. He sighed, and actually got in a position he could bow apologetically in a traditional Japanese way, as he did in front of Donatello too. ”I’m sorry I doubted your senses. You are an air-headed mutant, but still a ninja. It was foolish of me thinking something like this could be kept a complete secret, as if never existed…”

“Well I’m not fucking sorry, I’m legit pissed off!” Raphael complained.

“Well bro, not sure why you keep apologizing so much, and my brain still couldn’t process how you’re like loverbirds…”Mikey sat back down as he was hugged by Don for a moment.

“I’d  wanna punch ya, yer lucky I am not in that mood and not enough pissed off yet….” Raphael grumbled between teeth.

“I can under-…”Leo started, but then was interrupted by Mikey.

“Wait a minute! Actually yeah! Be sorry! I mean it was an amazing huge prank with a plottwist that all of you thought I’m a baby and  complete clueless, who has like…perhaps doesn’t even know what lewd times mean or what it means to be horny or such and that needed to pretend in front of Don too, but it wasn’t cool, man! I couldn’t talk to anyone properly and my brain still can’t imagine you two in a heart frame! I felt so alone”

“Mikey, ya forgot the crucial fact that ya could actually be enlightened by me….so don’t think yer treated like a baby brother so much…”Raph folded his arms.

“You taught him what?!”Leo frowned at Raphael.

“Yeah, well we had some talks too, and don’t forget that sensei kept us sex ed classes!” Don added.

“Anyways!! It was so incredibly hard to make an amazing plottwist, a huge prank, dude! It was a masterplan and I did it! But I forgot so many cool ideas to tease you, that’s also all your fault!!” Mikey continued. “I couldn’t even have the chance to sing Leeo and Raaphie, sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

“Well be glad ya couldn’t or I’d punch yer teeth in!” Raphael snarled.

“Wait, so anyways, how far did you go with this….lover thing? Did you kiss, did you make out…or..MORE?! Oh, ew,…..hey! Kiss, lemme see! I can’t even! “ Mikey grinned curiously.

Don tried to calm Raph who was getting closer to snap or launch at Mikey at any minute, but the smug grin couldn’t be washed off of Mikey’s face.

“I won’t kiss Raphel for your amusement, Mikey. “Leo said on a calm, emotionless tone. He still was trying to process as what happened, still was struggling recovering from a mental breakdown and still could not let his embarrassment, confusion and stress go. He needed to meditate. At least, however, none of the worst happened.

“Aw, come oon, I wanna see, I wanna get shocked! I wanna get more material to tease you and my brain to comprehend. Am still shocked, dudes! If you don’t kiss, that means it’s a lie and you just wanted to mess with me! Revenge time! So kiiiisss! KISS! KISS! KISS!” Mikey kept on rambling.

“Yeah….you deserve all this…”Don grumbled with a pleased, sadistic grin, as finally they got what they deserved, a Mikey with a never ending rambling and teasing mouth, making them utterly embarrassed. Finally he could just watch with amusement and not being stressed by every word or every look or every physical touch between Raphael to somehow distract Mikey away. He was also pleased Mikey proved to be mature enough to still handle the situation right and still wasn’t as dumb and clueless as everyone assumed to be. He really did surprise Don on a positive way.

Leo just facepalmed tiredly, then massaged his temples.

“Shut up, Mikey!”Raphael snapped, then glanced at Leo. “Well, you could kiss me for my amusement, though…” Raph tried a little flirt towards Leo.

“What?!”Leo glared at Raph.

“OOOOOOOHHHHH!!!”Mikey exclaimed, Don chuckled.

“Raph, you’re just making this worse!” Leo complained. “I was….I was so scared, for shell’s sake! “he groaned out, lowering his head and covering his face for a moment, feeling like crying in any minute in exhaustion and from stress relief, finally getting to his senses, that the danger was over, Mikey doesn’t hate him or anyone, his brothers took the news so positively he never ever thought about such a hope or possibility.

Now all of them got a bit silent, rather focusing at Leonardo. Leonardo kept up such a straight face all the time, it really surprised them seeing him revealing his worries and emotions like that.

“I was so angry at myself….I can never allow myself ever! To cause issues and troubles in our family, I supposed to be a good leader, a good example to follow….I was so….disappointed at myself…I still am…” he grumbled on a slightly shaking tone.

Raphael automatically calmed down, leaning against Leo and comfortingly embraced him. Don also actually stopped grinning and rather felt sympathy for their brother.

“Aww, come on, bro, why would you hate yourself because you found love, now come on! Even I wouldn’t think such a stupid thing!” Mikey actually slumped down on the ground in front of Leo.

“I’m just…I’m fine…I’m just glad You don’t hate me…us...”Leo’s voice got more and more silent and shaky by the minute, at this point he felt his palms that covered his face going wet. How embarrassing, stupid tears.

“Pft! Yeah, like totally hate you now. Yee shall be banished from this famileey!”Mikey took on a playful acting as he dramatically exclaimed.

“Yeah, why would we hate you? Or does this mean we can’t even say a proper congrats?” Donatello tilted his head with a calmer smile. “Besides, you are still too harsh with yourself, Leo. Raph is still Raph, you are still Leo, you both are still our brothers, you are still the leader…so…what’s the fuss about?”

“See? As always, ye are just overreactin’! I told ya it’ll be fine, but nooo, ya never listen to me!”Raphael scolded.

“Thank you…..I feel blessed having a family like you, guys.” Leo managed a faint smile, his speech was still sounding rather formal, than expressing his deep relief and happiness.

“GROUPHUG!” Mikey shouted, then without any warning, he threw himself on Leonardo and Raphael. Donatello chuckled, then got up, flopped down beside Leo and tried to extend his embrace on Raphael and accidentally pumped arm in Mikey’s nose, the other didn’t seem to mind, he was just happy. Leo tried to also reciprocate with an awkward, rigid embrace, only Raphael was complaining, as always.

It was a pleasant surprise for all of them, especially for Raphael and Leonardo that their brothers took the news so calmly and were even supportive. Of course Mikey did not stop teasing them and this will certainly be a long while until he gets bored of constantly slipping in suggestive taunts referring to Leo’s and Raph’s sensual relationship. Leonardo was still emotionally disturbed, so after a dinner break with bothers, he excused himself in his room. He needed some alone time to rethink all the overwhelming situations. He just wanted to be happy, but he just felt emotionless and serious. He took life and things way too seriously. It was his fault, it was his curse.

 

Later, their father returned home. He was surprised his sons were in a great mood, except Leonardo, he wasn’t with them. He did not comment anything, he was just smiling at his sons, greeted them and accepted the cheerful greeting. He felt like something needed to be elaborated to him. He was fairly right, just as Mikey and Don left to play some video games, Raphael rushed after him before he retreated to his room.

“Father, me and Leonardo would like to talk to ya, if that’s ‘kay?”

Master Splinter blinked surprised for a moment, then nodded.

“I will be in my room and waiting.” he stated on a calm tone and a smile.

Raphael felt both excited and concerned, however his worries were washed away with the confident feeling, no matter how their father react, he will not give in, he will not leave Leo’s side. His worries were rather directed on the questions, whether Leonardo will be as confident to defend their love too, or he will abandon him. He knocked at Leo’s room’s door, but then entered, closing it after him. Leonardo was in meditating position, but he opened his eyes and glanced up at Raphael.

“He’s home.” Raphael grumbled on a more silent tone.

Leonardo frowned and sighed, then got up. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at Raphael with loss of words. They just stared at each other for a long moment in silence, then Leonardo moved and embraced Raphael, who returned the gesture immediately, then gave out a surprised noise, when Leonardo’s lips were on his immediately, but recollected self and kissed back. For Raphael it meant reassurance, for Leonardo meant perhaps having the last time together. Leo then broke the kiss and slowly the embrace too, he glanced at Raphael’s smug, dreamy grin, he just gave out a half smile and eventually they left his room. It really was now or never, so felt Leonardo too. There was no turning back. For a moment Don and Mikey waved at them in a way as expressing they were rooting for them to go well, then Leonardo froze and stared at the closed door of their father’s room. As he hesitated, so Raph didn’t, he just knocked and opened the door before even any answer came. Typically impatient and bold, as always. Leo took a breath, exhaled, then entered after Raphael with a serious, emotionless expression. Their father turned around, he was cleaning his stash on his shelves with all the decorations, each keeping a dear memory of the old rat. He smiled and sat down, so did his two sons, sitting in front of him. Both bowed almost at the same time and raised. Raphael glanced at Leonardo, the father was looking at them patiently and expectantly too. Leonardo wasn’t glad he needed to speak up at all. He actually hoped Raphael will just blurt it out and they finally get over it, but the attention was all on him. He squirmed a bit, then encouraging himself, he looked directly in their father’s eyes, while trying to recollect his words that he wanted to say.

“Firstly, allow me to apologize for not asking to talk with you earlier.” he bowed on a traditional way, then continued with the emotionless, firm tone and expression. “I, the leader, also owe you an apology, that I unintentionally caused a….situation..in the family, that should not supposed to happen.”

Master Splinter hm-ed and slightly frowned, as he listened. Leonardo continued.

“I am sorry, I wanted to solve this situation myself, as the leader and….” he glanced at Raphael. He felt strange and confused. No, he did not solve this as the leader, nor as the eldest brother. He solved this as just the Leonardo he was. Just simply Leonardo. This belonged nowhere to being a leader or the oldest brother. “No….I must confess I was not solving this situation as the leader, nor as the oldest brother or your son, I let myself be involved as….as me. I know all is me, and create a whole, but….” he shook his head, recollected himself. “This situation have been going on for a good while now. Both me and Raphael needed this time to finally understand and reach to a conclusion. The decision was made, and I am sorry if it disappoints you, I am also sorry, but we are not going to change it.” he glanced at Raphael, who nodded slightly, encouragingly. ”We’ve been meaning to tell you, as you are very very important to us, sensei…father….we owed you this confession for a very long time. What I am trying to say, is that all this time I kept telling you everything was fine and I kept asking for more time….it really wasn’t my intention to…be dishonest with you, I really needed time to be able to face you with a confident decision, that might make me lose honor in your eyes.” he needed to stop for a moment, as panic rose in his, Raphael nudged him encouragingly, Master Splinter just nodded, as he was listening, eyes narrowed a bit. “Father…” Leonardo mustered up his courage and finally blurted out. “...After a long way of uncertainties and exploration, we realized with Raphael, that we have different feelings for each other and so we are …dating.”

“Aye, I felt different for Leonardo for a good while now, but I did not force him, but I couldn’t keep it in forevah, so….well the feelin’ is mutual, ya see…” Raphael also finally spoke up confirming the situation.

Leonardo bowed and stayed like that, Raphael followed his example, as both just stayed there, as feeling nervous, worried, terrified. The silence was pressuring, none of them could look up at their father to see his reaction or expression. Leo flinched, when heard Master Splinter getting up and approaching them, then he felt a thonk on his head, so did Raphael, both exclaiming in surprise and a slight pain. Leonardo felt like he could sink in the ground from fear and nervousness.

“This is for not telling me earlier indeed, and because you really scared me!” Master Splinter scolded. ”I was terrified you two got into such trouble, that you are dragging the family in a war. I am so relieved it is not the case. Also I don’t remember raising cowards. I needed to be reassured by your brother Donatello, that there is no war or doom coming on us, it’s just you two having some happenings.” he sighed tired, yet in relief. “Rise, my sons.” he said on a more gentle voice.

Raphael petted the spot of the hit by the staff on his head and frowned at the father, Leonardo lifted up like an emotionless machine, he was still frozen. He sat so straight and tense like a statue.

“Now, now.” Master Splinter patted their heads dearly, like a father, then sat back down, examining his sons thoughtfully. “So you two are lovers now?”

“Y-yeah…” Raphael said cautiously.

“Hm…” wondered the old rat.”How long?”

“Uh…how long was it til now, Leo?”

“Nearly half a year.”

“Yeah, since then.”

Master Spliner actually rose his brows surprised.

“How far have you gone in this relationship?”

Now it was Raphael’s turn to blink and eyes widen in surprise.

“Uhhhhh….” he looked at Leonardo helplessly wondering how much they should reveal.

“We did it.” Leonardo said automatically, still sounding like a machine.

“Mhm….” Master Splinter wondered further. “So nothing I say would not change your decision?”

“No!” Raphael frowned and barked out without hesitation.

Leonardo swallowed, he still stared at the father firmly.

“Leonardo, what is bothering you?” the father asked for the hundredth time.

Leonardo hesitated, but carefully opened up.

“I am….in fear, sensei. I don’t want to lose your pride, your trust, I am terrified of you seeing me in a different light, I don’t want to be a failure in your eyes, although I can’t change that now. I can’t change the fact that I am a disappointment for you now and it aches in me, but at the same time I am terrified to lose my love. I want to manage and keep both family and love.”

“I feel the same.” Raphael stated.

Master Splinter smiled and sighed.

“We are a family, indeed, we are fairly close to each other, but we shouldn’t forget the fact, that no family ever …stays in the same statement. See, human…people…when they grow up, they leave their parents’ homes and have their own family, have their own career, etc. Even if we don’t really have much choice to go away, even if we always stay together, that doesn’t mean we can’t have our private life beside our duties or family…..That’s just absurd. Each and every one of us has a private life, Leonardo. Why would you think we would hate you for having a private life or choosing to have a relationship with Raphael? That’s your own decision. Why would I need to dictate your choices in your life, especially when you are slowly becoming an adult?” seeing his sons growing up and maturing like that made his voice flinch in emotional tone. “I don’t think no more, no less of you two. You are my sons either way and you will always stay my sons.” his eyes got slightly watery. “This is the path you and you chose.” he looked at both. “Why would I or your brothers stop you? Why would such a pure feeling you share harm any of us? I told you million times what would make me very upset is you betraying your family and sell us out to the enemy. Or any of that kind of harmful act. What you have is personal and private. If you let us know, that is a kind gesture, and that really means you care for your family, at least letting us cheer for you.”

The two became speechless, finally Leo’s emotionless expression broke and eyes widened also getting watery.

“S-So…yer not angry, that we….?” Raphael asked.

“I am not angry, Raphael. I am surprised. I need to meditate on it, that is certain, but I am not angry.”

Raphael grinned and glanced at Leo, who still seemed suspicious and out of it, not believing he was so stressed out all this time and all the family members took it so well. He actually felt ashamed underestimating the kindness his family had.

“I can’t express how grateful I am for your kind and wise words, father.” Leonardo managed to finally blurt out and bow.

“You’re the best dad!!” Raphael couldn’t hold back his emotions being all excited, finally sinking in for him.

Master Splinter gave out a small chuckle, then opened his arms, his sons, without hesitation accepted the embrace, although they embraced the rat gently, as the old one barely could stuff his big sons in his embrace, yet back then he could embrace all four of them, now could barely reach around one.

“Take care of each other.” the old rat mumbled on an emotional tone.

“Yes, sensei.” Leonardo whispered.

“AYE!” Raphael hugged them a bit too tight.

“But!” master Splinter said on a stricter tone, he somehow was out of the embrace and was standing beside them. “There still will be rules! I need to think about them more, but what I am certain about is, we support you, but I don’t want to see you two being public about your love acts! Furthermore, do try finding a spot. You are also ninjas, so use your wise senses to find a perfect love nest place. It is noone’s business to even hear what is happening at heated moments or nights!”

Raphael blinked surprised, when he felt the loss of the father’s body in the embrace and just hugged Leo, but then they let each other go and paid close attention and nodded at every statement.

“No worries, father, we got it under control! Leo’s shy anyways.” Raph grinned and saluted.

Leo just nodded, then turned his glare and frown at Raph.

“Good.” Master Splinter nodded. “Now go, I need my meditation now. Need my old mind to rest and clear out and think about the news. Oh, yes, do Michelangelo and Donatello know?”

“Yeah, we talked with ‘em!”

“And?”

“They’re cool with it.” Raphael grinned more.

Master Splinter nodded, then playfully shooed at them.

“Nothing….has to change. We are going to be subtle. I will…still bring the morning tea.” Leonardo finally managed to give out a faint smile. “I am honored to be your son.” he bowed, then left.

Raphael went ahead, he was jumping around and punching the air, as was filled with excitement and adrenaline and overdosed with bliss. Don and Mikey paused the game and curiously looked at Raphael and asked at the same time: “So?”

“He’s cool!!!” Raphael tried to not shout, just whisper loudly, then sent a few punched in the air, then tacked the two on the couch, both shouting in pain or rather from the mass that pressured them in the couch.

“Raph, get off!” Don complained.

“OW, YOUR FATASS CRUSHED MY BEAUTIFUL SHELL!” Mikey shouted.

Leonardo followed after, he felt like he was not even walking. Such a big and pressuring burden got off his shoulder, it sent him flying. He really felt like every step was just floating, feeling as if he lost a good few pounds and there was a silly smile on his face.

“Hey, Leo, where are you going?” Don asked as they finally managed to roll Raph off of them, who was already wrestling with Mikey on the ground.

“I am going to have the best bath of my life.” Leo said on a dreamy tone.

And so he did. It felt like a dream, as everything was back to normal, only Mikey kept teasing them endlessly about their relationship, but Raphael kept responding angrily as on every tease Mikey had. They could talk normally, they could still feel like brothers and a family, they still had their trainings, their lunchtimes, movie nights, and all other family activities together, the only difference was, that Raph and Leo didn’t need to have bad feelings, didn’t need to feel guilty that they had something special beside the family harmony. Raphael knew Leonardo needed a long way of reassurance constantly, but his ambitions could never be taken away not be loyal to the chosen one.

This this journey taught Leonardo also that he was more than just what he expected himself to be, having way more emotions, than he expected, found pieces of himself at places and emotions he haven’t ever imagined in his wildest thoughts would lead him so far in his self-discovery, emotions that he despised so much, feeling guilty, blaming himself over things, that his family eventually proved and taught him, that are actually natural to feel and one can’t just shut down themselves emotionally, that would be ever more wrong, than him accepting the fact he felt love.

Leonardo still was the leader, the Fearless, the perfect one, Raphael was still the short-tempered one, Donatello was still the smart one, Michelangelo was still the funny one and Master Splinter was still the old and wise sensei. The harmony was whole in the family again and the future was promising, as the bond grew stronger with trust.


	24. Final thoughts

Hi, dear readers!!

 

I really wanted to write a last post to this series! I can't believe after going through so much and after I barely could finish this series as a whole and write the final chapter, it is doneeeee!!! Just as I promised from the start!!!

I do apologize for some delays happenings from time to time. Unfortunately sometimes I needed to focus on real life, and thus I didn't want to rush writing a chapter, to ruin it. I am so happy having this written! I really really had fun with it and I am pleased how complex it ended up being! I really wasn't expecting myself to have so many small details as inspiration for this and I definitely had less information in mind for the plot, nor did I imagined it to be this long and nor did I imagined it end like this, but as situations got more complex and as much feels and angst was going on through the way, I really felt like, that yes, this story deserves a fulfilling happy ending, because I love none more, than a cozy feeling of love and family~ :3 But enough about me! How about youuuuuuuuu? What are your final thoughts? How do you feel? Do you like this pairing, or did it inspire you to like them? :O I am curious as always, ahah ^^

Also thank you, THANK YOU!! If you've read this story this far! YOU ARE AMAZING!!~ <3 Also you are the champion commenting to chapters and be patient waiting for me to bomb you with another snippet each weekend, when I had time to post a chapter!~ Thank you I am really happy and grateful, your comments really kept my motivation up even more to never even DARE having any thoughts dropping and not finishing this story. 

Also here's my offer. I will start posting some other smaller fanfics, I have a little request of rise of TMNT Leo and Raphael(it'll be a challenge...^w^" ), but if you are curious, I could post updates and small scenes that I feel like it's worth highlighting, as what happens after all this with Leonardo and Raphael or the family as an additional mini series! owo So let me know in the comments below if you want to read some after happenings in some shorter scenes that continue with this plot, or you'd rather want to see different works from me being posted from time to time! x3 Unfortunately my new workplaces are more straining so I won't be able to post that often as I did with this story, but I will try to not keep you on edge forever! owo 

 

Once again, thank you so much! I hope we will ...read each other in comments at other works I blurt up here in this platform from time to time! x3 

 

With gratitude and love~

-MaybeOneNight

 


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